Paper Bowser 2 and the Thousand Second Door
by Lord Drash
Summary: A Parody of Paper Mario 2! In this one Bowser is Mario, Mario is Bowser, Luigi...is NOT Peach and no one has any idea who Crump is! COMPLETE!
1. Prologue

Paper Bowser 2 and the Thousand Second Door Prologue: Let's Meet our Buddies…or Something.

_**(Disclaimer: Just in case you were wondering…I do not own Mario or anything else in this story…except for the ideas…those are mine. Mostly)**_

After saving the day in Stupidstar Saga and being kicked out of an airplane the Mario Bros. decided to relax. However with Mario having lost his intelligence Luigi runs into yet another problem…

Luigi: Mario can you PLEASE unlock the door to the fridge?

Mario: It's-a me-a Mario!

Luigi: Yes you are. At least unglue the pantry! I haven't eaten for three days!

Mario: Oh nooooooooooooo!

Luigi: I hate you.

Outside Parakarry the flying postman delivers a letter to Mario.

Parakarry: Mail call!

Mario: Yeah!

Mario runs outside and grabs the letter. He carries it inside and opens it. Princess Peach's voice comes out of it.

Princess Peach: Dear Mario, This is Peach. I am in Rogueport. Unfortunately they do NOT sell lipstick. Toadsworth and I were planning to go but then I found this cool map in a box. I'm sending YOU the box, but Bowser is getting the map. I felt bad locking him in a box and wrapping him up and Toadsworth do really think I had to send him the map?  
Toadsworth: What are you talking about?  
Princess Peach: You said to send Bowser the map.

Toadsworth: No I said "Look at that!"

Princess Peach: Oh. Well they're easy to get mixed up.

Toadsworth: No they're not.

Princess Peach: Fetch me cleaning equipment!

Toadsworth: What?  
Princess Peach: Now!

Toadsworth: As you say!  
Princess Peach: Now Mario come to Rogueport, but take your time. There is much for me to do here-hey what are you doing? Who are you? What are you doing with that large burlap sack? Why are walking menacingly closer? Why are you lifting that long metal pole as if you were going to hit-

Her voice is cut off abruptly.

Luigi: That was a strange letter. I think either she's playing a joke on you or she got kidnapped again.

Mario: Okeydokey!

And he runs out of the door.

Luigi: Right…now how to open the fridge?

Luigi checks all over the house to find the keys to the fridge. Meanwhile Mario runs to the dock, swinging a keychain over his head until he slips and it falls into the ocean.

Mario: Woohoo!

Mario heads to a small boat driven by a Toad.

Captain: Where do you want to go?  
Mario: Woohoo!

Captain: …Okay. I don't know where that is, so I'll just drive around the ocean randomly.

Mario: Okeydokey!

And so they leave.

Meanwhile at Bowser's Castle…

Bowser, being the big scary man he is stomps into his castle. He was about to go to his throne but is stopped by some of his minions giggling. He decides that he wants to know what they are laughing about so he sneakily creeps up to them.

Hammer Bro.: Did you hear?  
Koopatrol: About what?  
Hammer Bro.: Hee hee, Lord Bowser was possessed by a Spirit, a FEMALE spirit a few days ago.

Koopatrol: Really? While I was on vacation?  
Hammer Bro.: Yeah, and after he was possessed well…let's just say HE wasn't a he…hee hee!

Koopatrol: Bowser's a girl!  
Bowser: GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Both: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! Lord Bowser!  
Bowser: You're both FIRED!  
Both: We're sorry!  
Bowser: Leave!

They leave. Bowser walks to his throne. He sits in it.

Bowser: KAMMY!

Kammy, his witch minion came immediately to his call on her broom.

Kammy: Yes master?  
Bowser: Where were you when I got possessed!

Kammy: You mean last week?  
Bowser: YES!  
Kammy: I was on my honeymoon!  
Bowser: What! With who?

Kammy: Kamek.

Bowser: But you two aren't married…

Kammy: You don't have to be married to have a honeymoon silly head!

Bowser: Yes you do.

Kammy: Oh.

Bowser: I heard you had some news for me?  
Kammy: Oh yes! This map came for you!  
She holds out a map, with no labels on it. Bowser has never seen any of these places before.

Bowser: What? Who sent it?  
Kammy: Princess Peach! I think it means she wants to see you (wink, wink)

Bowser: Why did you say "wink, wink"?  
Kammy: Uh…That's not important! Anyways she's in Rogueport now, we should leave.

Bowser: Yay! I get to see Princess Peach!

Bowser hops in his clown car thing and flies through the castle wall.

Kammy: Sir! There is a door!  
Bowser: Crud…did I go through the wall again?  
Kammy: Yes.

At Rogueport…

Bowser and Kammy soon arrive. Bowser hops out of his clown car. Suddenly he sees a female goomba being attacked by some weird guy!

Bowser: I must save her!  
Kammy: Why?  
Bowser: Because all goomba's are my minions and what will they think if I never help them?

Kammy: But I don't think she works for you-

Bowser: Silence!

Lord Crump: Give me your lunch money!  
Goombella: What? I have none!  
Lord Crump: Oh, I know. I'm just stalling so I can remember why I'm bugging you.

Goombella: Oh, well that's okay.

Lord Crump: That's right! Tell me where the Crystal Stars are!  
Goombella: Never heard of them.

Lord Crump: Really? Um…what was I supposed to do?

Goombella: Uh…go away?  
Lord Crump: No that can't be right…

Bowser: DIE!

Bowser jumps up and squishes Crump.

Bowser: Gwa ha ha! Now you're safe!

Goombella: I don't think I was in any danger-

Bowser: Now, now no need to thank me.

Goombella: I wasn't.  
Bowser: You shall now assist me on my quest!  
Goombella: Isn't that like, slavery?  
Bowser: As long as we are on the same page.

Goombella: Whatever.

Goombella joins your party…or something…Time to learn about your new friend!

Bowser: What's that voice?  
She can hit people with her head and give you some serious attitude!  
Goombella: I do not, you idiotic voice!  
Bowser: I'm confused.

Our heroes or villain as it may be leave the dock and head to the main part of town. Once there they are greeted by Toadsworth.

Toadsworth: You're not Mario.

Bowser: Right you are.

Toadsworth: Eh…you'll do.

Bowser: Do what?  
Toadsworth: Why, rescue the princess of course!  
Bowser: Gwa ha huh?  
Toadsworth: Yes she was kidnapped, and since Mario isn't here YOU have to rescue her!  
Kammy: Isn't he the one who usually kidnaps her?  
Toadsworth: You have a point…

Bowser: I'm confused.

Kammy: Tell you what…you can go with Goombella and I shall stay with this handsome specimen of a man!

Toadsworth: I'm loved!

Goombella: EW!

Bowser: I'm not gross!

Goombella: Not YOU, you idiot, Kammy and Toadsworth.

Kammy: I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that. Now GO!

Bowser: All right, little goomba girl, where do you want to take your master?

Goombella: Three things, 1. My name is GOOMBELLA, 2. You're not my master, and 3. I think we should go to Professor Frankly's house…he'll help us.  
Bowser: That's a good minion.

Goombella: I have a feeling I'm going to be stuck with this guy for a while.

And so Bowser and Goombella head to Frankly's. Soon they are standing outside a small dirty house

Bowser: Is this guy going to be my new minion?  
Goombella: NO!  
Bowser: Lackey?  
Goombella: NO! He is just going to help us!

Bowser: Fine.

They go inside. In the house they are greeted by an old goomba with swirly glasses.

Frankly: Hello! Are you here to search for the Crystal Stars?  
Bowser: Uh…no.

Goombella: Oh don't worry Bowser, he's always asking people that.

Bowser: I'm confused.

Frankly: Why you have a MAP!

Bowser: Yes, but it's not marked-

Frankly: I LOVE MAPS! Let me mark it for you!  
Bowser: Uh, okay.

Goombella: Professor? Are you feeling okay?  
Frankly grabs the map and begins scribbling on it. After about ten minutes he hands it back.

Bowser: What is "BRUHANFIJIAHBO…LAND?"

Goombella: What? Why do you ask?  
Bowser: Because that's what he wrote on the map!  
Goombella: Frankly! You ruined it!

Suddenly the map begins to glow. All of the scribbles disappear and a spot called "Rogueport" labels where they are.

All: OO.

Frankly: A magic map! It must lead to the Crystal Stars!

Bowser: That's great but I want to find Peach.

Frankly: Peach…I hear she is by an uh…Crystal Star! If you want her you must find them!

Bowser: Okay…

Frankly: Plus you get treasure if you get them all!

Bowser: Gwa ha ha! Both Peach and the treasure are mine!  
Frankly: Great! Now follow me my mappy friend!

They head outside and go near a pipe.

Frankly: This pipe leads to the underground section of Rogueport. It requires a heavy locking system.

Bowser: Why?  
Frankly: So no one steals the underground of course!  
Goombella: Uh…professor? How do you steal the underground?

Frankly: Uh…MAPS!

After putting in a long code, with Frankly loudly shouting out all the characters, he jumped in the pipe with no warning.

Goombella: Ack! Hurry Bowser!

Bowser: Yes my minion!

Goombella: Sigh.

They both jump in as well. At the bottom they see Frankly heading towards another pipe.

Bowser: Wait!  
Frankly: The maps shall guide me!  
Bowser: What?  
Suddenly a goomba, a paragoomba and a spiked goomba jump in front of Frankly.

Goomba: Prepare to…something!  
Frankly: Oh no! A gang of bullies!  
Bowser walks over to them and towers over their feeble forms.

Paragoomba: Uh…rar?  
Bowser: RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRR!

Goomba's: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

They all run away.

Frankly: Excellent! Now follow me!

They continue for a ways until they are blocked by a large wall.

Frankly: Hmmm. I keep forgetting about this. There must be some way past this wall! Bowser, Goombella begin searching for a way!

Bowser: I'm confused.

Goombella: Just look around the room.

Bowser and Goombella search around the room while Frankly just stands around singing.

Frankly: MAPS! I like maps! Mapalicious maps! LA LA LKA KLA AKMD BAJVF MAPS!

Goombella soon discovers a black key.

Goombella: Bowser! Hey! I found something, where are you?

Bowser is inside a small room with a talking chest.

Chest: Let me out.

Bowser: Why?  
Chest: Cause, I'll make you rich?  
Bowser: Okay!  
Chest: You need a key to-

Bowser grabs the chest and pries it open. A large purple spirit oozes out.

Spirit: HA HA HA! Now I shall curse you for releasing me!  
Bowser: I thought you WANTED to be released?  
Spirit: I did. Now I'm punishing you!  
Bowser: I'm confused.

Spirit: Vaporization!  
He shot out a powerful spell, only it missed and hit the wall, disintegrating it and revealing the next area.

Spirit: Uh…Let that be a warning!

He flies away. Goombella runs into the room.

Goombella: Bowser! I found a black key! Do you think we might need it for-

Frankly: Come on! The wall's gone!  
They run out and continue on. Eventually they reach a large chamber. One wall is almost entirely taken up by a giant door.

Frankly: Welcome…to the Thousand Second Door! It has been closed for as long as I can remember…a thousand seconds!  
Goombella: Isn't that only about fifteen minutes?

Frankly: Yes! Now to open it you must collect all the Crystal Stars!  
Bowser: And then Peach and the treasure are mine?  
Frankly: Yes! Quickly, stand on the pedestal in front of the door!  
Bowser walks over to the pedestal and stands on it. His map floats up and flashes a lot. After a bizarre light show the map comes back down.

Bowser: That was weird, wait look at this!  
He shows them the map. A castle and a Crystal Star have appeared on the right side of it.

Goombella: Why that's Petalburg Town! But I don't recall there being a castle there.

Frankly: Excellent! Now you two, go to the right of the sewers, at the far end there is a pipe leading to Petalburg. I must go look at maps in my house!  
He dashes away.

Bowser: Come feeble minion!  
The two of them go all the way back, and then some until they are greeted by a blooper!

Blooper: You are here to cook me aren't you?  
Goombella: No…

Blooper: Well too bad! Prepare to die!  
He attempts to hit them. Bowser grabs the tentacles and slams the blooper in a wall.

Blooper: Ow. I shall not be food!  
Bowser: Flame breath!  
He blasts the blooper.

Blooper: Oh no! I've been cooked!

He then turns to ash. Bowser and Goombella then travel into the pipe…and Petalburg.

Meanwhile…

Captain: Mario, I'm running low on gas, where should I go?  
Mario: Let's-a go!  
Captain: Where!  
Mario: Mamamia!  
Captain: Ugh…

In the next chapter Mario will finally get somewhere, only is that where he needs to go? Bowser shall make a new lackey…err…friend and Luigi will get a letter. All this and more next time on Paper Bowser 2 and the Thousand Second Door! Why is it 2, if it's the first Paper Bowser?


	2. Chapter 1

Paper Bowser 2 and the Thousand Second Door Chapter One: Off to Fight a Giant Killer Dragon of DOOM!

After entering the pipe, Bowser and Goombella arrive in Petal Meadows, a green place with flowers. There is also three stone shapes in front of them, two boulders with indentations, one a star and the other a moon…almost as if something goes in them…the third rock is in the shape of a large warp pipe.

Goombella: Wow! It sure is pretty!  
Bowser: I want to conquer it!  
Goombella: Why?

Bowser: Uh…because…um…I can breathe fire!  
Goombella: That's great. Let's just keep going to Petalburg.

Bowser: And then…the conquering!

Goombella: Sure…

They head through the area until they encounter more Goombas.

Bowser: Hey! You're the guys who escaped from my services!  
Goomba: Uh…no we're not?  
Bowser: Prepare to DIE!  
Paragoomba: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! Fly away!  
He flaps away, leaving his friend behind.

Goomba: Hey! Wait! I can't fly!

Bowser: KILL!

He lifts his foot and squishes the Goomba.

Goomba: Ow.

And so they continue. Along the way in the distance a massive castle looms…

Bowser: Hey look! A massive castle!  
Goombella: Yes and its looming!

Bowser: That's the castle on the map, but how are we supposed to get there?

Goombella: I don't know…hey what's that!

Overhead a humongous red dragon flies by.

Goombella: Hey wait…those wings are like five feet long. That couldn't lift Bowser let alone that massive thing!  
Narrator: Do NOT point out logistical flaws!  
Goombella: Who are you?  
Bowser: Don't ask questions!  
Goombella: What? Why?

Bowser: Shhh!

Goombella: Oh fine!

The giant red monster lands at the castle. Bowser and Goombella continue traveling. Eventually they reach Petalburg. Bowser is shocked to see the inhabitants.

Bowser: But…they're all KOOPAS!  
Goombella: Yes…is there something wrong with that?

Bowser: But…none of them are working for ME!

Goombella: That's because you never recruited them!

Bowser: Oh…well after I get Peach I'll have to do that.

Goombella: Sure you will.

A koopa walks up.

Koopa: You must help us!  
Bowser: Help you what?

Koopa: You must save us from the fearsome dragon Hooktail!  
Bowser: Oh that guy. Why? What's he do?  
Koopa: He…he…you know I don't think you can handle it, so I just won't tell you.

Bowser: WHAT!  
Koopa: Oh fine! He flies overhead!

Bowser: And?  
Koopa: And what?  
Bowser: What else does he do?

Koopa: What do you mean what else does he do?

Bowser: Grr. He has to do something else besides THAT so what is it?

Koopa: What were we talking about again?  
Bowser flames him.

Goombella: Thank you.

Bowser: I don't think I want a lackey like him.

They continue walking until they meet a Bub-ulb.

Bub-ulb: You must help us!

Goombella: Uh oh…

Bowser: You mean with the dragon?  
Bub-ulb: Yes!  
Bowser: (sigh) What does he do?  
Bub-ulb: Flies overhead!  
Bowser: Grr. AND?  
Bub-ulb: That's all he does.

Bowser: What? Really?  
Bub-ulb: Yep.

Bowser: But why is that bad?

Bub-ulb: Well it's kind of creepy.

Bowser: Right. And what do you want me to do about it?

Bub-ulb: DESTROY HIM!

Bowser: Why?  
Bub-ulb: Uh…because he has a shiny star thing?  
Bowser: A CRYSTAL STAR!  
Bub-ulb: Yeah?

Goombella: Wait…you want us to beat up a giant dragon merely because he is creepy?  
Bub-ulb: Yep.

Goombella: Well for-

Bowser: I'll do it!

Goombella: WHAT!

Bub-ulb: YAY! Now to reach his castle you must find the Sun and Moon stones which are hidden in Shhwonk Fortress over there.

He gestures to the right.

Bowser: Great! And then I shall conquer the castle AND the fortress and be more powerful!

Bub-ulb: Yeah…you do that.

Bowser: I will!

They continue to travel to the right until they are halted by a koopa in front of a gate.

Guard Koopa: Hey! You can't go through here!

Bowser: Why?  
Guard Koopa: Because of the terrible monsters!

Bowser: But I need to go through here to reach Shhwonk Fortress so that I may get to Hooktails castle!  
Guard Koopa: Ahh. But I can't let you pass because of the TERRIBLE stone monster!  
Bowser: But that doesn't make any sense!  
Guard Koopa: Yes it does! See if you pass and destroy the monster that has never bothered us, and it's a high possibility that you will destroy it as you are large and strong, although it IS invulnerable to fire, than we would no longer have to fear it, making our life better and plus you need to do it to kill the creepy Hooktail which would make our life PERFECT well I just can't let you do that.

Bowser: I'm confused.

Goombella: Is there any way you can let us pass?  
Guard Koopa: Yes! Go into that house there and you shall meet Koops!

He points at a house near the entrance to Petalburg.

Goombella: What good will that do?  
Guard Koopa: Only time will tell…

Goombella: Okay…

So they head off to Koops' house. It doesn't take them very long. Although Bowser keeps asking people if they want to join his army and when they politely refuse he charbroils them. Finally they reach the house and enter it. Koops, a koopa with a shy expression and a band-aid on his cheek greets them.

Koops: Um…hi?  
Bowser: Gwa ha ha!  
Koops: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH! Don't hurt me!  
Bowser: Than let us through the gate to Shhwonk!  
Koops: I can't; only the mayor can do that!  
Bowser: Grr. Than where is the mayor?

Koops: In the house next to me?  
Bowser: Why did you say it in a question?  
Koops: I don't know?  
Bowser: Okay…

They begin to leave.

Koops: Wait!

Bowser: WHAT!

Koops: Are you going to battle Hooktail?

Bowser: Uh…yes.

Koops: Really?  
Bowser: Yes.

Koops: Great!

Bowser: Uh-huh.

Koops: Can you take me with you?  
Bowser: Why?

Koops: Because Hooktail killed my father and I want revenge!

Bowser: I know why! You want to be my new minion!  
Koops: No…I just told you.

Bowser: Well great! It's always good to have people working for me for no pay and high risk!  
Koops: Actually I'm too afraid to go with you on second thought…

Bowser: WHAT!

Koops: Yeah…it's too frightening.

Bowser and Goombella leave. Koops does not realize it.

Koops: And Koopie Koo would be mildly upset that I had gone to vanquish the fearsome beast that has troubled our fair lands.Or something. Hey, where'd that big guy go?

Bowser and Goombella enter the mayors' house. Inside they see the mayor (obviously) who is a rather old koopa with incredibly large eyelashes which cover most of his head.

Mayor: Hello! And who are you?  
Bowser: I am Bowser, King of the Koopas! GWA HA HA!  
Goombella: Could you BE any more dramatic?  
Bowser: Possibly.

Mayor: Well hello Barry!  
Bowser: Uh…my name is BOWSER.

Mayor: No I don't want any coffee Brad.

Bowser: Is he okay?  
Goombella: I doubt it. Just ask him and let's get out of here.

Bowser: Fine. Can you open the gate to Shhwonk Fortress?  
Mayor: No I'm far too old!

Bowser: Grr. Than can you TELL the koopa guarding it to?  
Mayor: Well I'll try Barney.

Bowser: It's BOWSER!  
Mayor: Right, right of course Bill.

Suddenly he taps his cane on the ground.

Mayor: Okay I told him!  
Goombella: What? How?  
Mayor: Silly fishy, knowledge is for koopas!

Goombella: Right.

Bowser: Let's just leave…

They walk out the door.

Mayor: Let's play Scrabble!

Bowser and Goombella walk to the gate, only to find that the Guard Koopa is gone and the gate is open! Somehow the mayor did it!

Goombella: Right…I'm not going even ask HOW he communicated to that guy.

They pass through the gate and travel…to Shhwonk Fortress!

Meanwhile…

Captain: Alright Mario I piloted us to the middle of the ocean and then did a triple axel spin just like you asked…I think.

Mario: That's-a better!  
Captain: Yeah…I have NO clue what you're talking about.

Mario: Oh nooooooooooo!

Captain: Yeah…so I'm going to dump you off at this one place. It's called Petal Meadows and I'm just going to pilot up to the river and get rid of you. You're not nearly as cool in person as they say you are.

Mario: Okeydokey!

Captain: Well at least BOTH of us is excited to get rid of you.

Back to Bowser…

They travel down a path. The paragoomba that escaped earlier had rushed ahead and told all the renegade koopas and goombas that Bowser was coming. Most of them had hid, except for one disbelieving koopa. Bowser soon ran into him, much to his surprise.

Bowser: GRR! You are one of the TRAITORS!  
Koopa: NO! Don't hurt me! I'll give you anything!  
Bowser: Really?  
Koopa: No, not really. I don't like you!  
Bowser: DIE!  
He flames him. Bowser and Goombella travel on.

Koopa: Maybe it isn't a good idea to make someone far larger and bigger than you upset…

Soon Bowser and Goombella reach a small building.

Bowser: Is this Shhwonk Fortress?  
Goombella: No.

Bowser: What? How do you know?

She points to a small sign near the building that says "NOT Shhwonk Fortress."

Bowser: Oh.

They enter it. Inside its only room they see two high pillars with some kind of non-moving stone creatures about the size of Goombella on top. The exit is barred by large bars.

Bowser: Well that's a puzzler. What do we do?  
Suddenly the two creatures jump off and begin running into one of the walls.  
Goombella: I know what those are! They are Bald Clefts!   
Bowser: What? There are Clefts with hair?  
Goombella: Well no, the other kind has spikes on their heads.

Bowser: But bald doesn't mean nothing on head, it means lacking in hair.

Goombella: Yeah…

Bowser: So that is an inaccurate description of the creatures.

Goombella: Yeah…hey when'd YOU get so smart?

Bowser: Uh…JOIN ME!  
Goombella: Already did.

Bowser: Oh.

Goombella: This talk is great and all…but we still need to get past here.

Bowser: No problem.

Bowser grabs the Bald Clefts and uses their bodies to smash the bars down. The bars fall just as the Clefts turn to dust.

Goombella: I don't think that's how you're supposed to do it…

Bowser: Hey…whatever works.

They pass through the building and keep walking until they are stopped by a second building, identical to the first.

Bowser: Is THIS Shhwonk Fortress?  
Goombella: No.

She points at another small sign on the near the building that clearly states "This is STILL not Shhwonk Fortress."

Bowser: Crud.  
Goombella: This is ridiculous. We have to travel through all these places to reach Shhwonk Fortress, than travel back and find a way to reach Hooktails' castle than go through his castle and beat him up, just to acquire ONE Crystal Star!

Bowser: Yeah! How many Crystal Stars are there again?

Goombella: I believe there are seven.

Bowser: That stinks.

Goombella: It sure does.

After a slight period of sighing, caused by their sadness that their "adventure" might take a while they walk into the building.

Inside it is practically the same, with pillars and bars. The only difference is the two creatures on the top. They are strange ball-like creatures with spikes surrounding them and eye-sockets, yet no eyes.

Goombella: Those are Bristles!

The Bristles than fall off of the pillars and start heading toward Bowser.

Goombella: Watch out! They are-

Bowser: Gwa ha ha! I shall burn them!  
He shoots a fire blast at the Bristles. It has no effect.

Goombella: Resistant to fire.

Bowser: Now you tell me!  
Goombella: Bowser! They're spiked! You can't touch them!  
Bowser: Oh yeah?

One of the Bristles' charges forward. Bowser grabs it in the one spot with no spikes, the eye sockets!  
Goombella: Genius!  
Bowser: Gwa ha ha!

He then headbutts the Bristle.

Goombella: Not genius.

Bowser: OW!

The Bristle goes flying, smashing into its buddy and sending them both through the bars. They disappear into the sky. The bars fall down.

Bowser: Again…if it works!  
Goombella: Hey you're the one hurting yourself, not me. I honestly don't care what you do.

Bowser: HEY! As a minion YOU should be getting yourself hurt for ME!  
Goombella: Crap. Oh well you'll probably forget it soon anyways.

Bowser: Forget what?

Goombella: Dang, he must have some kind of bizarre selective memory!

Bowser: I must! I keep forgetting how badly Mario beats me up!  
Goombella: Right…

Bowser: Let's go!  
They leave the building. Soon they run into yet ANOTHER building, similar although slightly larger.

Bowser: Let me guess, not Shhwonk Fortress?  
Goombella: Actually…

She gestures at a slightly larger sign near the building that reads "Surprise! This is Shhwonk Fortress, you brain dead oaf! You actually managed to reach it! That's gotta be your greatest accomplishment!"  
Bowser: I think the sign is mocking me…

Goombella: That's ridic-

The sign begins to make strange giggling noises.

Bowser: Let's get inside!  
Goombella: Agreed!  
They dash inside. A goomba with a wet paintbrush walks out from behind the sign (how do goombas hold things?) and begins giggling in the same way as Bowser and Goombella just heard.

Goomba: Heh, heh. If that works on Bowser, than ANYTHING will!

He walks away. As he does he hits the sign with his foot, causing the larger sign to fall and squish him.

Goomba: Ow.

Meanwhile Goombella and Bowser reach the inside of Shhwonk Fortress. Inside they are greeted by a large Thwomp, about the size of Bowser.  
Bowser: Finally, we're here!

Thwomp: WELCOME! This is SHHWONK FOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRTTTTTTRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEESSSSSSSS!

Bowser: It sure is.

Thwomp: And I bet you guys are here for the Sun and Moon Stones?

Bowser: Yes.

Thwomp: Great! All you have to do is play a little game of mine!  
Bowser: What kind of game?  
Thwomp: A Quiz Show! With really pointless questions!  
Bowser: How about you just give us the Stones?  
Thwomp: How about…NO!  
Bowser: Grr!  
He swipes at the Thwomp, causing no damage and hurting his hands.

Bowser: OW!

Goombella: Uh…Bowser I don't think even you can hurt a Thwomp.

Bowser: You MIGHT be right…

Goombella: I'll take the Quiz!  
Thwomp: Alrighty then!

The Thwomp twirls around. Lots of bright gaudy lights flare on, gameshow music begins playing. When he stops spinning he has flashy shades on.

Thwomp: The Thwomparific Quiz Show shall BEGIN! I shall ask seven questions…If you get five of them right…you win! If you get three wrong…than you lose!

Goombella: Alright…sounds fair.

Thwomp: GRRRRRREEEEEEEAAAAAAAT! First Question: What is the name of the place you were, before the place that you were in previous to here?  
Goombella: Uh…Petal Meadows?  
Thwomp: That is…correct! Unbelievable!

Goombella: Whew.

Thwomp: But can you answer THIS? Second Question: What is the magic number, the number for all the important things that people collect on these kinds of adventures?

Goombella: Ha! Seven!

Thwomp: Dang…that was too easy!  
Goombella: Oh yeah!  
Bowser: Yes! Only three more to go!  
Thwomp: Answer this! Third Question: If you have eight nines, and mix them with thirty purple goombas then how many spiders passed you on the road?

Goombella: Huh? What kind of question is that?  
Thwomp: Heh, heh…stumped you?  
Goombella: NO! Uh…um…er…twelve?  
Thwomp: WRONGO! The correct answer is fifty-10!  
Goombella: What! That's not even a real number!  
Thwomp: Was I asking for real numbers?  
Bowser: Grr! This guy is cheating!  
Thwomp: Fourth Question: How many chocolate bars can you store in a jar of indeterminate size?

Goombella: That's impossible!  
Thwomp: Not quite…heh, heh!  
Bowser: MUFFIN!  
Thwomp: WHAT! He can't…he can't answer questions!  
Goombella: Why? Is he right?  
Thwomp: Well, in a way…sort of…yeah. But he can't answer any questions!  
Goombella: Why? Where does it say that?

Thwomp: Fine! But I'll only accept the answer, if and only if you two switch. And no more switching after this.

Goombella: Fine. Hey Bowser?

Bowser: Yes?

Goombella: How'd you know that?  
Bowser: I'm a king. Kings need to know these things.

Goombella: Sure…

Thwomp: So it's three right answers and one wrong…

Bowser: Yep.

Thwomp: Here we GOOOOOOOOOOOO! Fifth Question: If I take a Goomba and have it attack a koopa, while being swung from a Lakitu, would the Bullet Bill be horizontal or vertical?

Bowser: Verizontal.

Thwomp: Shoot. Alright! I think I know you're weakness: How many maps does Professor Frankly have!  
Bowser: WHAT!  
Goombella: Ooh! I know!  
Thwomp: SILENCE! You can't answer or help!

Bowser: Uh…eleven?  
Thwomp: Wrong! It's 25!

Bowser: Crud!

Thwomp: Now…for the final question!  
Bowser: Uh oh…

Thwomp: What question number is this!  
Bowser: But that's real hard!

Goombella: Shoot! He'll never get this.

Bowser starts counting his hands.

Bowser: 1, 2, 3, 4…Hey Thwomp?  
Thwomp: What?  
Bowser: What comes after three?  
Thwomp: You just said it!  
Bowser: Said what?  
Thwomp: The number!  
Bowser: What number?  
Thwomp: FOUR! FOUR COMES AFTER THREE!

Bowser: Oh…than the answer to your question is...not ten.

Thwomp: Yes...it's not ten.

Bowser: Seven.

Thwomp: What!  
Bowser: Seven. That's the answer.

Thwomp: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! You are…RIGHT!

He shatters into dust. The podium he was on turns into a pipe.

Goombella: How'd you figure it out?  
Bowser: Well it was pretty close…I almost didn't get it. Then I noticed the giant 7 behind him.

Goombella: Ahh.

They jump into the pipe. They appear in the sewers underneath the fortress. It's wet and dank. There are two paths, one to the right, and one to the left. They take the one to the left. It leads to a tunnel that has a Fuzzy bouncing around in it.

Fuzzy: Health! Give me your HEALTH!  
Bowser: What? Do you want to go to a hospital or something?  
Fuzzy: ACK! Intruders! Must tell leader!  
The Fuzzy charges forward…and crashes into a wall, completely missing the door.

Fuzzy: This wasn't here before! Must tell leader!  
The Fuzzy continues crashing.

Bowser: Glad he doesn't work for ME!

They keep going until they see a pedestal with…the Moon Stone on it!

Bowser: Gwa ha ha! That's one!

He reaches to grab it.

Goombella: WAIT! There might be a trap!  
Bowser grabs it. A Fuzzy falls from the ceiling and impales itself on Bowser's spikes.

Bowser: Huh? What was that?  
He spins around knocking the Fuzzy off into the wall where it stays unmoving.

Goombella: Never mind.

They go back. The Fuzzy is still charging into the wall.

Fuzzy: It's like a maze!  
They then choose to go in the right path. It's almost identical, it even has another Fuzzy.

Fuzzy 2: Ack! An intruder! Must tell boss!  
He charges into a wall, ricochets off of it, and flies through the door.

Bowser: Who is this boss?  
Goombella: Oh…nothing probably a slightly larger Fuzzy, or one a color other than black.

Bowser: Oh.

They keep going until they see a pedestal with the Sun Stone on it. Bowser grabs it. A Fuzzy falls in front of Bowser.

Fuzzy 3: ACK! Thief!  
The Fuzzy jumps up and grabs the two stones. It then dashes down the path.

Bowser: HEY!  
They chase it back to the center area.

Bowser: Give me those stones!  
Disembodied Voice: I think not!  
Bowser: Wha? Who's that?

A Fuzzy, the size of all the other ones appear, only this one is gold colored!

Gold Fuzzy: How dare you intrude on my Fortress!  
Bowser: Wow. You're really small!  
Gold Fuzzy: What! No I'm not!  
Bowser: Tiny, little baby!  
Gold Fuzzy: NOT TRUE! Fuzzy Horde…ATTACK!  
Twenty Fuzzies jump into the room and start tackling Bowser.

Bowser: This is sad.

The Fuzzies, bounce off him, or impale themselves on his back. Soon all of them are unconscious.

Gold Fuzzy: Time for my FINAL MOVE!  
Goombella: But you didn't have a first one!  
Gold Fuzzy: Shut up! I shall show you the TRUE POWER of the Sun and Moon Stones!  
He holds them up (Again, how do things with no hands hold things?) and they begin glowing!  
Goombella: I have a bad feeling about this!

Gold Fuzzy: UNLEASH!  
He throws the two stones at Bowser's head, shattering them.

Gold Fuzzy: Uh…whoops?  
Bowser: …DIE!

Bowser flames him.

Goombella: Great! Now what will we do?  
Bowser: I don't know. What do you think we needed the stones for anyways?

Goombella: Oh they probably went into those big boulders near the entrance to Petal Meadows.

Bowser: Really?  
Goombella: Yeah…why are you looking at me like that?  
Bowser: It's true Goomba's are very…flexible right?  
Goombella: Yeah…we have no bones…why?  
Bowser: Oh just checking! Need to know everything about my minions! Let's go back!  
Goombella: Okay…

Meanwhile at the Mario Bros. house…

Luigi: I'm sure there is a hammer around here somewhere…

Luigi managed to find some mushrooms underneath Mario's bed but he still is hungry and can't open either the fridge OR the pantry. He has no money as Mario keeps it locked up in the…pantry; so he can't buy any food either. He was getting very depressed when suddenly he heard a noise.

Parakarry: MAIL CALL!

Luigi: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Parakarry flies away.

Parakarry: Another letter duly delivered. A postman's job is never-

Luigi chucks a chair at him, barely missing.

Parakarry: ACK! See if I give YOU any letters!

Luigi takes the letter inside and begins reading it.

Letter: Dear well…I guess whoever gets this letter! This is Crepe! I am a Cabinet Minister in the Waffle Kingdom!  
Luigi: WAFFLE! That implies FOOD!

Letter: Our land has been attacked by the Chestnut King, and he kidnapped Princess Eclair!

Luigi: This place sounds delicious!

Letter: All of our people are to fat from gorging themselves on food to rescue her so I'm hoping you, Mario (Or that other guy) can come immediately to see me! I have enclosed directions.

Luigi: Fat! FOOD! I'm there!

Luigi immediately leaves and heads for the Waffle Kingdom.

Meanwhile with Bowser…

Bowser and Goombella quickly pass through Petalburg. They leave with no incident, but on the way out Koops stops them.

Koops: Stop!  
Bowser: What!

Koops: I want to join you!  
Bowser: You said that already!  
Koops: But I mean it this time!

Bowser: Prove it!  
Koops: All right…watch this!  
He goes into his shell and starts spinning around.

Goombella: That's it? That doesn't prove any-

Bowser: Shh. It looks cool.

Goombella: What!  
Koops stops and stands up.

Koops: What do you think?  
Bowser: Welcome to my services!  
Mysterious Voice: Koops joins your party!

Goombella: What? This guy again!

Voice: His abilities include: running away like a scared little bunny, hiding inside of his shell, and running away like a scared little bunny while hiding inside of his shell!  
Koops: That's pretty accurate.

Voice: Now that you have Koops, Goombella will stay in your pocket until you need her!  
Goombella: What!  
She flies up and shrinks, then disappears somewhere on Bowser.

Bowser: But I don't HAVE pockets!  
Koops: Eh…whatever works!  
Bowser: You know that has been explaining a lot of things lately…

They shrug and start to walk on, until they are stopped by Koopie Koo!

Koopie Koo: Koops…you aren't leaving are you?  
Koops gets a sad look in his eye and starts to walk over to her.

Koops: Yes Koopie Koo, I am. I shall miss you but know that I will always carry you in my heart. I will persevere without you-

Koopie Koo: Great! Just making sure you wouldn't be following me around for a while!  
She turns around, gaily humming and skipping.

Koops: I hope she does okay without me.

Bowser: I don't think she likes you.

Koops: You're right…she LOVES me!

Bowser: Uh, whatever. Let's just go.

They keep traveling until they reach the boulders. Bowser walks over to the Sun one.

Bowser: I need Goombella!

Goombella pops out. Koops disappears.

Goombella: What do you want?

Bowser: This!  
He grabs her and shoves her into the sun one. Because Goombas are so…flexible he squishes her in the shape of a sun.

Goombella: HEY! Ow!

She tries to get out but she is to tightly wedged in. Bowser then walks over to the moon one.

Bowser: KOOPS!

Koops appears. Goombella still can't move.

Koops: Yes? ACK!  
He grabs Koops, takes him out of his shell and shoves him in the moon slot. He barely fits.

Koops: OW!

The boulders begin to shake. Suddenly they shoot out Goombella and Koops. A voice calls out.

Voice: Incorrect objects! Destroying magic rock holder…thing.

The boulders then explode. The fragments shoot off, slightly injuring our party, but also destroying the stone around the pipe. Goombella quickly dashes back out of sight somewhere on Bowser and Bowser and Koops go into the pipe, which takes them to…Hooktail Castle!

Meanwhile at Waffle Kingdom…

Luigi gets off the boat he rode into the Kingdom with. Waffle Kingdom is a very strange place. The houses all seem to be in the shape of pastries, with one in the shape of a giant doughnut with the door where the hole was. Now Luigi had had very little to eat in the last four days, some mushrooms and some emergency "must-add water" rations, and unfortunately the captain could not find any water on the ocean. So faced with all this food Luigi closed his eyes in order to resist and ran…straight into a sign.

Luigi: Ow! That hurt! Wait…it says "Waffle Castle that way!"  
The sign points to the right, so Luigi heads that way. He sees some what must be Wafflers, they look just like Toads only with muffins on their heads…yeah, that's not a waffle…Luigi can't take it anymore and stops one.

Luigi: Do you have any food I can have?

Waffler: Yes the castle is right this way!

Luigi: But…oh forget it, I'll get something to eat at the castle.

He keeps going until he sees the castle. It is strange. It is similar to Peach's although slightly rounder and brown. The biggest difference are the squares pock-marking it, like a waffle. In front of the castle door a Waffler stands, he's slightly aged and has a larger muffin on his head…it appears to be cinnamon.

Crepe: Hello! I am Crepe! As you can tell by the crepe on my head!  
Luigi: Actually that's a cinnamon muffin.

Crepe: Oh? Then what's a crepe?

Luigi: A sort of French pancake, often mixed with meat, cheese and vegetables they are also sometimes covered in jam and-

Crepe: Yes, you're smart. Now shut up and follow me inside.

They go inside.

Luigi: Uh by the way…do you have any food?  
Crepe: Yes! Why do you ask?  
Luigi: Well I'm hungry and-

Crepe: Right! Princess Eclair!

Luigi: No, I want to eat-

Crepe: Yes we do not know exactly where she is!  
Luigi: Sigh. I wonder if that muffin is real…

Crepe: What?  
Luigi: Nothing!  
Crepe: Right! Anyways, we know how to find her! It is something called…The Marvelous Compass!

As Crepe says this Luigi inches closer and closer…

Crepe: Yes the Chestnut King kidnapped her and disappeared! However the Marvelous Compass will help us find her! It was split into seven pieces when someone dropped it! Then they mailed it to their relatives…or something illegal. Princess Eclair-…Why are you eating my muffin!  
Luigi had taken several bites out of what appears to have been an actual muffin on Crepe's head.

Luigi: Uh…it looked tasty?  
Crepe: Oh, that's okay then. Each piece of the Compass shall point to another piece, and the Princess has a piece in her…crown thing…

Luigi: Crown?  
Crepe: No, that other thing that princess's wear…

Luigi: Tiara?  
Crepe: Yeah! Wait how did you know? Did YOU help the Chestnut King! YOU aren't Mario ARE you?  
Luigi: No, I'm his brother, Luigi.

Crepe: Oh that's okay then. Anyways I have the compass base right here, and it shall point to the next piece hopefully ending up at the Princess!  
Luigi: What if it points to her first?  
Crepe: Well then your adventure will be pathetically short won't it?  
Luigi: Yeah…how is it supposed to point?

Crepe: I shall throw it!

Crepe throws it down.

Crepe: It points to the south! You must go to Rumblebump Volcano on the Pudding Continent!  
Luigi: Never heard of it.

Crepe: Really? Well just go to the boat guy and tell him, he'll find it! Here take the compass!

So Luigi takes the compass and prepares for his exciting adventure!

Back to our main story…

Bowser and Koops enter Hooktail castle. Only problem is the moat preventing them from getting inside.

Koops: Uh oh…what do we do?  
Bowser: Simple! We cross that bridge!  
Koops looks at the wooden bridge that covers half the moat. Only half.

Koops: Uh…half the bridge is missing.

Bowser: Your point is?  
Koops: We can't walk over that!  
Bowser: We won't WALK! We'll get to the edge, then you'll throw me and then you'll jump across!

Koops looks at Bowser who is easily 3-5 times his size.

Koops: I can't throw you.

Bowser: Are you saying I'm fat!  
Koops: Is there a correct way to answer this?  
Bowser: KILL!

Bowser flames him across the bridge. Koops lands in front of the door.

Bowser: GET BACK HERE!

He breathes fire again, catching the bridge on fire.

Bowser: Oh no!  
Bowser leaps across the gap, in front of the main doors.

Koops: Don't hurt me!  
Bowser: I should…but you did get us across the bridge. So I won't! For now…

They enter the doors…Inside they see a dank dungeon like place, with many koopa bones. They walk for a bit, feeling uncomfortable, until Koops sees one holding something, a letter of some sort.

Bowser: Let's read it!  
Koops: Oh sure, lets raid the dead, and destroy their privacy!  
Bowser: Good idea!  
Koops: What! No I didn't-

Bowser: The letter says "Dear son, I am sorry that I died…wait I can't be dead, I'm writing a letter! Anyways, I'm about to die not because of Hooktail but rather I've fallen on a small rock and am too injured to get up! This letter will probably never reach so I don't know why I'm bothering to write to you. Oh! Before I die I must write Hooktail's weakness! He dislikes chirping noises, like a cricket and even when he is weakened he can still bite! Sincerely the father of Koops'

Koops: Oh my god it's my DAD!  
Bowser: Koops' FRIEND!

Koops: Oh. Well that's okay then.

Bowser: That was a strange letter.

Koops: Yeah. Ooh what's that?  
And so they quickly forget about the dead koopa and dash forward only to see a dead koopa blocking the door. With RED bones.   
Koops: We need to move it.

Bowser: SQUISH!  
He prepares to smash it until the bones rise up to form…the Red Bones!  
Red Bones: Have you no respect for the dead!  
Bowser: No, not really.

Red Bones: I see. Well than you shan't leave alive! Dull Bones, ATTACK!

Dull Bones pour in from all directions. Bowser and Koops are slightly worried until they see the Dull Bones smashing themselves.

Red Bones: Dang! I wasn't specific! Attack the koopas you fools!  
The Dull Bones continue smashing themselves as they sort of ARE koopas.

Red Bones: NO! Ah shoot.

All the Dull Bones are in pieces.

Bowser: You were saying?  
Red Bones: Uh…I shall most likely NOT return! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!

He runs away. Bowser and Koops continue through the castle. They travel for a while, doing normal dungeon things, solving puzzles smashing blocks, turning enemies into dust etc. until they encounter a black chest very similar to another one…

Chest: Hey! Is someone out there?  
Bowser: Me.

Chest: Great! Can you get me out of here?  
Bowser: I feel a strange sense that I shouldn't listen to the chest…but it IS someone I don't know about and how often do THEY lie?

Chest: Okay to get me out you need to get a key guarded by spikes-

Bowser yanks the lid off. A purple spirit oozes out.

Spirit: HA HA HA! Now to punish you for saving me! DESTROY!  
The Spirit flies up and then explodes, parts of its body impacting our heroes.

Bowser: That was different.

They continue, doing more fun dungeony things until they reach a room with a white mouse in it.

Bowser: Who are YOU!  
Ms. Mowz: Why I am Ms. Mowz, really good thief mouse, thing YAY!

Bowser: Right…and why are you here?  
Ms. Mowz: To steal things, you big hunky muffin you!

Koops: WHAT!  
Bowser: SHH! Go on…

Ms. Mowz: Actually that was about it…

Bowser: Oh.

Ms. Mowz: Bye!

She jumps out a window.

Koops: Aren't we like 50 feet up?  
Ms. Mowz: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-

A splat sound is heard.

Bowser: Oh…that's not good. Let's keep going!  
They keep traveling until they reach the top of the castle. A massive chamber lies in front of them.

Koops: I guess this is it!  
Bowser: YAY! Crystal Star, treasure and Peach here I come!  
They enter. Immediately after entering a giant red dragon far larger than Bowser greets them.

Hooktail: Hi! How's it going? I'm a girl!  
Bowser: Uh…great. We're here to take your Crystal Star!  
Hooktail: Really? Oh that's too bad. That strange Koopa that jumped down my throat took it.

Bowser: What?

Suddenly Hooktail grabs her stomach and writhes violently.

Bowser: What's happening!

She turns on her side and opens her mouth. A koopa holding a shining star pops out.

Koops: Dad!

Koops' Dad: Son! It's good to be out! I never should have jumped in there!  
Koops: But why did you do that?  
Koops' Dad: It looked like fun! It wasn't though. Worst ten years of my life!  
Koops: But why did you stay in there for ten years?  
Koops' Dad: Eh…nothing to look forward to. Plus I found this shiny star!

Koops: What about ME!  
Koops' Dad: Oh hello son! Didn't see you there…

Koops: You were talking to me!

Koops' Dad: So I was! Here, take this star!  
He hands them the Crystal Star!

Bowser: Gwa ha ha! Only six left! But now do we have to climb all the way down? And how shall we cross the bridge?

Hooktail gets up.

Hooktail: Oh good he's out! Ever since I swallowed that star, well I've been in mild discomfort! Want a ride down?  
Bowser: Okay!

Hooktail drops Bowser and Koops off at the pipe leading back to Rogueport.

Koops: WAIT! I want to go back to Petalburg!  
Bowser smacks him.

Bowser: Silence fool! Once in my services, you STAY in my services!

Rubbing his head Koops and Bowser jump in the pipe

Meanwhile at a secret facility…

A short, strange creature dressed in red and white clothes with a big X on them waddles through a high tech building. He passes by several signs that say "Secret Moon Base! Don't tell anyone!" He comes into a large room occupied by a massive person who appears to be half machine and also carrying a staff. The creature, an X-naut, crosses its hands in an X formation on his shirt.

X-naut: Lord Grodus, the giant turtle thing, Bowser, has retrieved a Crystal Star!

Grodus: That's not good! He's the one who defeated Lord Crump isn't he?  
X-naut: Yes! He is!  
Grodus: Well how is Crump doing in finding that Crystal Star in Boggly Woods?

X-naut: Not to good, he keeps forgetting what he's supposed to do.

Grodus: Well then glue a Post-it to his head! I want those Stars!

X-naut: Will do sir!

The X-naut waddles away. Grodus contemplates on his Bowser problem.

Grodus: I know what to do! Shadow Sirens!  
Three puddles of Shadows appear, then form into three female creatures, one short and hunched, Beldam, another large and fat, Marilyn, and the third in between and kind of cute, Vivian. All of their eyes are covered by either hair or their strange hats.

Beldam: You called?  
Grodus: Yes! I wish you to take out a Bowser character; he is heading toward Boggly Woods! Although I'm not sure how I know that…

Beldam: Will do! Come my beauties!  
Marilyn: GUH!  
Vivian: Well…okay…if you say so…

They disappear.

Grodus: They should do fine. With Marilyn leading them they can't fail!

In another part of the fortress…

Princess Peach wakes up on the cold ground.

Peach: What the? Oh no, did I get kidnapped again! I'm sick of it! Is that all I can do? Get captured! Well no more! I will put a stop to it! Just as soon as someone rescues me. Preferably Mario.

Suddenly the door opens. Peach glances at it suspiciously but then goes through it. She enters a futuristic hallway and travels down it until another door opens. She goes through that too. She finds herself in a dim room lit only by the blinking lights on a rather large computer. It starts talking in a pompous voice.

TEC: I am TEC the most powerful computer in the world!  
Peach: Really? You're kind of big…I'd rather have a laptop, with wireless internet access.  
TEC: Well, that's not important…it's not size but what's inside that counts!

Peach: Sure…what's TEC stand for?

TEC: Well it depends on my mood.

Peach: Your mood?

TEC: Yes, I have mood swings at regular intervals.

Peach: You're Bipolar?

TEC: Yes, the first and only bipolar computer!

Peach: Right…

TEC: Currently TEC stands for Terrifically Extraordinary Computer! But in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1-

His voice abruptly changes to a sad depressed one.

TEC: My life stinks. Now TEC stands for Terribly Empty Computer.

Peach: How can your life stink? You're not alive!  
TEC: I know. I brought you here because I'm sad to say that I run the entire fortress and I wanted someone to complain to.

Peach: Right…how about you let me write a message to someone? You can do that at least right?

TEC: I suppose…

Peach walks over and starts to type a message.

Peach: Well I think I'll address it to whoever is trying to rescue me…hopefully its Mario…

What will happen next? Bowser will go for the next Star, and make a new friend…sort of. Luigi will reach Rumblebump and Mario will reach Petalburg…slightly late. Who will succeed in their quest? Find out next time! Hopefully…


	3. Chapter 2

Paper Bowser 2 and the Thousand Second Door Chapter 2:A Ghostly Actor, Trees with Doors and Really Tiny People!

After getting the first Crystal Star, Bowser and Koops head back to Rogueport. Bowser has no clue what to do, so he decides to head to Frankly's the map obsessed weirdo. Once there Frankly greets them.

Frankly: Did you bring me more MAPS?

Bowser: Uh…no. I was just wondering, I got a Crystal Star and I don't know what to do!

Frankly: You must buy me MAPS!

Bowser: Okay…how about after I get all the Crystal Stars, YOU can have my Magical Map!

Frankly: Ooh! OKAY! I have researched much and I think you must go down to the Thousand Second Door and hold the map up in front of it.

Koops: Hasn't it been more than a Thousand Seconds now?

Frankly: And who are you?

Koops: Uh…I'm Koops and

Frankly: And you haveno MAPS, therefore making you worthless. But I shall answer your question anyways! It shall always be the Thousand Second Door, because nothing else sounds as cool. Would you try to open the Fifteen Minute Door? I think not!

Koops: Okay…Let's just go…

Bowser and Koops head down to the sewers. On their way they see a small gray creature. It sees them and dashes to a hiding spot.

Koops: What was that?

Bowser: I don't care! It's too small to be CONQUERED in a brutal battle involving the massive armies of the King of the Koopas!

Koops: Stop saying that, you're only the King of SOME Koopas.

Bowser's eyes grow small.

Bowser: Are you turning traitorous?

Small flames leak out of his mouth. The area becomes dark.

Koops: NO! Of course not! I love Bowser, heh heh…

Bowser turns to normal and the room brightens up. They enter the Door room and Bowser stands on the pedestal, holds the map up…brilliant light show yeah we know about this already…anyways a massive white and black tree appears on the map by another Crystal Star!

Bowser: Let's go there!

Koops: But I've never heard of a white and black tree.

Bowser: Than I shall create one!

Koops: I don't think that'll work…

Bowser: FINE! Than I shall ask Frankly for assistance. Kings HATE asking for help.

So back they go to Frankly's.

Frankly: Ah! You're back! Did you-

Bowser: No we did not get you any maps. I want to know how to get here.

He points at the tree on the map.

Frankly: Ahh! Boggly Woods! Rumor is, they are inhabited by tiny gray people and there is a secret pipe deep in the sewers!

Bowser: Hmm…something's coming to me…

Koops: Actually I know where that is-

Bowser: SILENCE!

Koops: I was just saying-

Bowser: AH HA! Down by that small scared creature! And I figured it out before you!

Koops: Just don't get him mad…

Bowser: Get WHO mad?

Koops: Uh…not you?

Bowser: Okay. Good.

They leave. Just as they are about to go down the pipe Parakarry flies by.

Parakarry: MAIL CALL!

He drops what appears to be a Gameboy Advance SP on Koops' head and then flies away.

Koops: OW!

Bowser: What's this?

He picks it up and turns it on. A chime sounds and a robotic voice speaks.

Voice: To whoever is currently trying to rescue Peach…

Peach's voice emanates from the device.

Peach: Dear person, I am fine although I am trapped in some kind of futuristic fortress. Please rescue me, it's REALLY boring. Sincerely, Peach. PS: Whoever you are, hopefully Mario, please send a message back.

Bowser: COOL! I know just what to say!

He types on it for a while then drops it on the ground.

Bowser: Come on!

Koops: Aren't you going to send it?

Bowser: I did! Parakarry will fly down and pick it up!

Bowser jumps into the pipe, with Koops following close behind. A Bandit walks by and picks up the SP, and prepares to pocket it. Parakarry dive-bombs him out of nowhere. Once Bowser and Koops get into the sewers they travel to where they saw the tiny creature. They spot it again, but it quickly dashes through a small hole in the wall.

Koops: Shoot! If only we stopped it!

Bowser: Think you fit in that hole?

Koops: Uh…no…

Bowser: I think you can!

Bowser grabs him and starts trying to stuff him in it. The wall falls down.

Bowser: Wow, not a strong wall.

They go inside and see the thing huddled in a corner. They surround it.

Bowser: HELP ME, INSIGNIFICANT WORM!

Koops: Oh sure, like that's going to make him help us!

Bowser: I though it would be fun!

Punio: Don't hurt me!

Bowser: THAN TAKE US THROUGH YOUR HOMELAND!

Koops: Bowser!

Bowser: Wait…

Punio: Okay! I, Punio the Puni, shall take you to Boggly Woods!

Bowser: See?

Koops: Yeah, yeah…

Punio: But on one condition!

Koops: What?

Punio: These big bullies have taken over our tree and teamed up with the Jabbies, our mortal enemies! You must help me rescue my people and get them out of my home!

Bowser: Now wait that sounds like a lot of work-

Punio: Well I thought since you're so big and strong you could help, but if you're afraid…

Bowser: ME! AFRAID! Just for that I'll help you! Take that!

Koops: What?

Bowser: I'm doing what he wants in order to trick him!

Koops: How?

Bowser: Shut up! Let's just go!

Punio goes through a series of small tunnels. Bowser simply plows through the poorly made walls, with Koops right behind. Eventually they end up in a small room with a warp pipe in it. They all jump in.

Meanwhile with Mario…

The Captain drives Mario up to a little river, just outside Petalburg.

Captain: Now get off, and NEVER come back!

Mario: Okeydokey!

Mario stands there.

Captain: Now!

Mario: Okeydokey!

Mario continues to just stand there.

Captain: AAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHH! GET OFF!

He kicks Mario off the ship and then drives away very fast.

Captain: HA HA HA! He's gone! Finally GONE!

The Captain crashes into a rock, he sinks.

Captain: At least he's gone!

He voice trails off to a stream of gurgles. Mario shrugs and then walks into Petalburg. He doesn't travel far until he notices a poster of Peach hanging in a window.

Mario: Woo-hoo!

He runs inside the house and finds Peach everything, Plush dolls, pictures, BOOKS! He quickly snags many of the items and stuffs them in his pockets. He then decides that he should be the only one with Peach things, so he smashes everything else. Just as he is about done the Koopa who owns the stuff walks in.

Peach Obsessed Koopa: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! My stuff! How could you DO this!

Mario: It's-a me-a Mario!

Peach Obsessed Koopa: I don't care! DIE!

In a fit of adrenaline powered rage the koopa throws Mario through the window, then follows him outside with every intent to murder him.

Peach Obsessed Koopa: I will chase you to the ends of the earth!

Mario: OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Back to our main story…

Bowser and Koops aren't the only ones who recently arrived in Boggly Woods, the Shadow Sirens are here too! As Bowser and gang arrive, the Sirens are in an area just ahead of them, and they are having a bit of trouble…

Beldam: What do you mean we don't know what Bowser looks like!

Vivian: Well, I lost the picture, but I heard his description!

Beldam: Fine, what does he SUPPOSEDLY look like?

Vivian: Well, he's a giant fire breathing bipedal turtle with a large spiky shell.

Beldam: But that could be anyone!

Vivian: I know!

Beldam: Marilyn, you're the leader, what should we do?

Marilyn: GUH HUH!

Beldam: Of course! He must come by here sometime and we'll trap him then!  
Vivian starts to move, until she falls over.

Vivian: OWWWWWWWW! Beldam, why did you trip me!

Beldam: I didn't, I'm ten feet away! Besides you don't have LEGS how can you trip?  
Vivian: I just can!

The sisters continue to argue until Bowser walks by.

Bowser: Hey, can you tell us where the Great Boggly Tree is? Punio here can't remember!

Punio: I will! Eventually…

Koops: We walked in circles around the pipe for twenty minutes!

Punio: Well, I thought it was a magic warp thing…

Beldam: Well, I think its right there.

She points at a massive tree sticking straight up on the woods and is clearly visible.

Bowser: How could you not lead us to that!

Punio: I'm six inches high! I can't even see past a bush!

Koops: And we relied on your directions.

They walk towards the tree berating Punio every step of the way.

Beldam: Now where were we? Ah yes! Do you have that picture of Bowser?

Vivian: NO! I lost it!

Beldam: Well we need to find it! How many giant fire breathing bipedal turtles with a large spiky shell do we see around here!

At the Great Boggly Tree…

They walk to a large metal door in the trunk.

Punio: Huh, I don't remember ordering a contractor!

Bowser: What?

Punio: A contractor! To fix the tree!

Koops: That doesn't make any sense!

Punio: Neither does your FACE!

Koops: Yeah, that was a BAD insult.

Punio: I know.

They walk to the door but discover that it is unopenable.

Punio: That's okay! There is a SECRET Entrance around here somewhere! However only Madame Flurrie can find it! She is an actor that retired and lives on the side of the woods!

Koops: Why do you have an entrance that can only be found by someone who doesn't even live here?

Punio: I know! Isn't it cool!

Bowser: SHUT UP BOTH OF YOU! Let's just get to Flurrie and get that Crystal Star!

He breathes a bit of fire to get them to start moving. They travel to the ends of the Woods running into Clefts and Pale Piranhas, who pale after seeing the might of BOWSER, King of the Koopas! Sorry I got paid extra for adding that last part. Any ways, they reach a large house on the edge of the Woods. They enter into a massive opulent room!

Koops: Wow!

Punio: Eh…the Great Tree is better, it has roots and grasses and evil creatures that sneak up on you when you're sleeping and eat you!

Koops: How is THAT better?

Punio: Uh…it just IS!

While they are arguing a voice calls out.

Flurrie: Uh…do you have an appointment?

Bowser: NO! We need you to open the secret path to the tree!

Flurrie: Uh…I can't come out because those purple things at the entrance stole something of mine!

Punio: Then let's go beat them up!

Koops: What did they steal?

Flurrie: Uh…something.

Koops: What kind of-

Bowser: Oh forget it! She's not going to help us, unless we get that thing! Let's just get it over with.

So back they go to the Shadow Sirens. They are still trying to find the picture of Bowser.

Vivian: I'm telling you, we don't need it! I can spot him!

Beldam: Are you SURE?

Vivian: Yes! I am!

Bowser: Did any of you take something from a person who lives around here?

Vivian: No, but I did find this cool necklace!

She holds up a purple necklace.

Punio: That's hers!

Vivian: But I found it on the moon!

Punio: I don't care! That's Flurries! Let's take it!

Vivian: NO! I won't let you! Come on sisters! Let's fight them!

Vivian goes into a battle stance. Her sisters don't move.

Marilyn: GUH HUH!

Beldam: She has a point Vivian, we shouldn't fight. Just hand it over.

Vivian: NO! I will never back down! I will-

Bowser steps on her and takes the necklace. They then go back to Flurries house.

Vivian: Ow.

Beldam: Well this is boring. Let's just go back to Grodus and say Bowser never came.

Marilyn: GUH!

Beldam: I know...I know.

At Flurries House...

Bowser: We got your necklace!

Flurrie: Great!

She comes out of her room. She is a ghostly white person with an insubstantial white mist for legs. She is also wearing an identical necklace.

Koops: Uh...you already have one...

Flurrie: I know! When I heard the Sirens had one just like mine, well I had to do something!

She takes the necklace, and then blows very hard on it until it shatters against the wall.

Bowser: I would have destroyed it...

Flurrie: I will help you open up the entrance and assist you in whatever you are doing, for I once was an actress, and I did all of my own stunts! That's how I lost my legs!

Koops: Stunts? What kind of plays were you doing?

Punio: NEVER QUESTION HER!

Koops: Okay!

Flurrie: Let's go!

Voice: Flurrie has joined your party! She will be able to blow on things, and make people uncomfortable because of her extreme lack of clothes!

Flurrie: I'm wearing clothes! They're just insubstantial and revealing…

Koops: What exactly ARE you?

Flurrie: I am a…

Her voice trails off.

Koops: What?

Flurrie: Oh you know!

Koops: No, I don't. You can't be a ghost because according to you, you can be hit and lose limbs, but I don't know that many pure white people with mist for feet.

Bowser: Oh, shut up! Just do what Goombella does and DISAPPEAR!

Koops disappears. The rest head for the Great Boggly Tree. Once there Flurrie floats up to a sign that says SECRET ENTRANCE and points out a little hole for Punio. He climbs in it, then somehow opens the doors for Bowser and Flurrie even though he is two feet lower than the controls and he has no arms. They finally enter…the Great Boggly Tree!

Meanwhile with Luigi…

Luigi after getting a small boat from Crepe, rides to the Pudding Continent, that is technically a small island. After three days on which he survived entirely on canned waffles, he reaches the continent. Still starving and desperate to finish this bizarre adventure Luigi gets off and enters a vast jungle. Once there he traverses through it. He blazes a trail by smashing bushes and more than once a small animal. About halfway through the jungle he trips on a root and cries out. A small blooper, on hearing the noise floats by.

Blooey: HI! Let me HELP you!

He floats over and starts blasting Luigi with ink.

Luigi: ACK! What are you DOING!

Blooey: Whee! This game is fun!

Luigi: Wait…bloopers are like octopi, and those are edible! Come back!

Blooey: YAY! Follow me!

Luigi chases the hyper blooper all the way to Rumblebump Volcano. Inside it, well it was like a Mt. Lavalava, or the Barrel Volcano. The blooper skillfully led Luigi through all the traps and perils.

Luigi: Come here and let me eat you!

Blooey: Move with the speedy and the fastness!

Eventually they got to a large chamber. A gigantic statue with a red gem on its forehead was stomping around pools of lava. Luigi ignored it and grabbed the blooper.

Blooey: Oh no, you caught me! You win!

Luigi: Blooper tastes best cooked!

Luigi tossed Blooey into a lava pool.

Blooey: OWWWWWW!

Blooey flew up and slammed into the statue's gem. The statue crumbled leaving behind another piece of the Marvelous Compass! The now blackened Blooey floats down to Luigi.

Blooey: Man, the penalties for losing to you are HARSH!

Luigi attempts to chew on Blooey but his crispened skin proves hard and unyielding. Dejected he picks up the compass piece and puts it on the base he had. An eerie voice emanates from it.

Voice: The next piece is at Plumpbelly Village on the Strudel Continent! GO NOW!

So Luigi, with his inedible companion Blooey head off for the next area. That they have no clue how to get to.

Voice: YOU FOOL! Follow the signs!

Luigi sees what appear to be gigantic neon signs with arrows pointing west and words saying "Strudel Continent this way you FOOL!" Maybe he'll discover something to eat there!

Back to Bowser…

They enter the Tree. Inside they are immediately greeted by two X-nauts.

X-naut 1: Well hi, dudearino!

X-naut 2: Welcome to our tree where we have enlisted the help of the Jabbies, the Punies mortal enemies in order to find the Crystal Star!

X-naut 1: Are we supposed to tell people that?

X-naut 2: Eh, we get paid either way.

Bowser: OUT OF MY WAY!

X-naut 1: Alrighty Mr. Dude!

X-naut 2: ROCK ON!

They run away. As our party is shaking their heads in confusion eleven Punies come out of hiding. A fat one, who although is the largest Puni, is still only about up to Bowser's ankle walks up to them.

Puniper: Who do you think you are!

Punio: I'm a Puni!

Puniper: How dare you run off and enlist help from these large powerful people!

Punio: Great idea huh?

Puniper: Well I'm not even responding to your replies, it's like I'm having an entirely different conversation! I won't help you unless you free the Puni Elder!

Punio: Okay!

Puniper: I don't care if you think it's hard! Do it!

Bowser, Flurrie and Punio start traveling through the tree. On their way through it they encounter several X-nauts who merely say "What's up?" and then walk off and they also ran into Yux's. The Yux were genetically created to battle but they are very depressed because they discovered that people called the "pathetically ugly" so all Yux merely sit in corners and cry. Soon they reach a chamber with two cages. The Elder is in a medium red one, while the other 90 Punies are in a large blue one.

Punio: Elder! I have come to rescue you!

He easily passes through the wide bars and greets the Elder.

Elder: YOU FOOL! You can't be here until you get a key!

Punio: SORRY!

They pass by the other cage. Inside Punita, Punio's sister yells out to him.

Punita: I have a really stale mushroom for you!

Punio: I can't wait!

They keep going and they enter a small storage room. Inside Ms. Mowz resides!

Bowser: But you're dead!

Ms. Mowz: No you adorable hunk! I actually survived the fall! I'm very light, and as you know mice ALWAYS land on their feet!

Flurrie: That's cats.

Ms. Mowz: Wow. So I defied some laws of physics there didn't I?

Bowser: Sure.

Ms. Mowz: Anyways here is the key for the Elders cage, and the Crystal Star is at the bottom of the tree. NOW MARRY ME!

Bowser: How about…NO?

Ms. Mowz: Then I shall go away, to steal another day!

She dashes through a hole in the tree.

Flurrie: Aren't we like three stories up?

Ms. Mowz: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH

A distinctive splat sound is heard.

Bowser: That lady is WEIRD!

Punio: YAY! Key! Now to free the Elder!

They go back to the cage and release the Elder. The Elder comes out and then expands to the size of Flurrie!

Elder: HOW DARE YOU RUN AWAY TO GET HELP! NOW I SHALL LECTURE YOU!

She shrinks back down and starts talking to Punio.

Bowser: Forget this.

He grabs both of them and carries them down to the tree's entrance. He then throws the Elder into a corner.

Elder: HOW DARE YOU THROW ME! I SHALL LECTURE YOU!

Everyone ignores her.

Puniper: Well, I guess you rescued the Elder. But I STILL won't help you!

Bowser: Fine.

Bowser, Flurrie and Punio continue in a different direction through the tree, with Bowser melting doors in his way.

Bowser: I should have done this to the entrance door.

Eventually they get a room with a large hive. Ten insect like creatures come out of it.

Punio: Oh no the Jabbies!

They charge. They bounce of Bowser. He flames them.

Bowser: Those guys were sad.

They break through the hive and retrieve a blue key. They go back to the blue cage and free all the Punies.

Punita: Now eat my mushroom!

Punio: Okay!

She hands him a very dried up stale mushroom. He eats it…and passes out.

Punita: Oh no! Now I can't help you!

Bowser: I do not care. I just want that STAR!

Bowser and Flurrie leave. They travel until they get to another room with a hive, and 100 Jabbies come out! They charge…and Bowser flames them. He then destroys their hive and enters the next room, where he is trapped in a cage! Lord Crump comes out. (Lord Drash highly dislikes Crump, because Lord Drash is the ONLY Lord around. I got paid for that! YAY!)

Crump: HA HA HA! Now I have trapped you in a fragile cage! Uh…what do I do now?

Bowser: Go away?

Crump: Okay!

Crump goes away. Bowser easily breaks the cage, but his strain caused him to fall through the floor, into a room with a large chest! He decides to open the chest, and inside a pair of boots live! Suddenly the world turns white and Flurrie disappears. A female toad walks up to Bowser out of nowhere.

Toadette: WOW! You're really big!

Bowser: Uh…yeah.

Toadette: I shall teach you how to use your new boots! Only, putting them seems to be impossible, and you're really heavy so they are kind of useless…bye!

She takes the boots and goes away.

Bowser: That was weird.

The world returns to normal. Bowser and Flurrie continue through the Great Tree until they get to a room with many large vases.

Flurrie: Perhaps something important is in them.

Bowser: So destroy them I shall!

Bowser destroys many of the valuable and irreplaceable vases until one reveals the Crystal Star! Bowser grabs it!

Bowser: YES!

Crump: NO!

Crump dashes by and grabs a rock off the ground.

Crump: I got the Star!

Bowser: NO!

Flurrie: Uh Bowser, it's in your sh-

Bowser: GET HIM!

Crump: Now I shall activate a bomb!

He clicks a remote.

Crump: You have, uh…two minutes? What was I doing?

Bowser: DIE!

Crump: AAAAAAAAAHHHH!

Bowser and Crump race through the tree. They stop at the entrance.

Crump: That does it! I shall activate the Magnus Von Grapple!

He clicks another remote a giant robot suit appears. Crump gets in it.

Crump: Prepare to…what? I forgot.

Bowser: Turn off the bomb you fool!

Crump: Bomb...bomb…ah that's right! It's in my robot! Uh oh…

A small explosion goes off sending Crump flying out of the tree. He drops the rock. Bowser takes out the Star.

Bowser: I got the Star!

The Punies walk over.

Punio: I just want to-

Bowser: BYE!

He and Flurrie leave.

Meanwhile, with Peach…

Peach has recently been wandering around in her room, wondering if the bipolar eccentric TEC will let her out again. Just as she was thinking this the door opens.

Peach: I guess that's him!

She enters TEC's room.

TEC: I have a letter for you, that was not made by my brilliance.

Peach: YAY! It's probably from Mario!

TEC prints the letter out. Peach reads it. It says "Dear Peach, this is BOWSER, King of the Koopas! I am coming to rescue you because Mario doesn't like you anymore! Write back, sincerely Bowser"

Peach: Wow. Mario is a lazy Italian jerk.

TEC: 5, 4, 3, 2, 1…sigh…do you wish to send a letter.

Peach: Eh…nah. I don't feel like responding to Bowser.

TEC: Well because I wish to be entertained, please dance with a holographic representation of you!

TEC projects a hologram of Peach.

Peach: Yeah…you're weird.

TEC: JUST DO IT! Sigh…

Peach: Man, you're like tripolar or something!

She attempts to grab the hologram, but her hand goes right through it.

Peach: Uh…how do I dance with what I can't touch?

TEC: THEN LEAVE!

Peach: Fine!

She leaves. What will happen next time? Will Luigi get somewhere? Will Mario escape the Koopa? Will Bowser get the next Star! Why do a lot of the characters (Yoshis) and enemies (Goombas, Bob-ombs, Boos) not wear clothes! Most of this shall be answered next time! Not the clothes thing though.

An: HEY! How are you all? Yeah, that's great...anyways here it is! Chap 2! Really good Chapter! This series should be done within the next two months...but do not fret! My Partners in Time Parody is in the works! Yes that should make all of you who begged me to do one pretty excited. I DO have a DS and I DID beat Partners in Time, so i guess I CAN write a parody on it!  
YAY!


	4. Chapter 3

Paper Bowser 2 and the Thousand Second Door Chapter Three: Violence, Battles, GORY! I mean GLORY! It's Glitzville!

After getting the second Crystal Star, Bowser and Flurrie head back to Rogueport Sewers and take the map to the door. After yet another boring lightshow they discover that the next Crystal Star is…

Bowser: Hovering in the sky!

Flurrie: How are we supposed to get there!

So they go to Frankly who amazingly asks them-

Frankly: MAPS? Do you have any MAPS!  
Bowser: NO! How do we get there?

He points at the spot on the map.

Frankly: Ah! That's Glitzville! In order to get there you must go on a blimp. But to get on the blimp you need tickets! And you can only get tickets from Don Pianta, and he lives on the far west side of Rogueport! MAPS! SPAM!

Bowser: What? Spam?  
Frankly: It's MAPS backward! It stands for Spicy Pork And Muffins!

Flurrie: No it doesn't. It stands for So-

Frankly: SILENCE! Go to Don Pianta, complete your adventure, and bring me MAPS!

They leave and start heading to the west side. However they are stopped by a female Toad, who is searching the ground.

Zess T: DON'T MOVE! I dropped my contacts and I don't want anyone to step on them!  
Bowser takes a step forward anyways, and a small tinkling noise is heard.

Zess T: You…you…

Bowser: Come on! What were the chances of that?

Zess T: You gave me an excuse to buy glasses which are MUCH better! Thank you!

She runs off.

Flurrie: Okay…

Bowser and Flurrie continue to the west, which they discover is a much nicer place. Having no clue how to find the Don, they start asking around. Soon a pair of burly Piantas comes up to them.

Pianta: I hear ya' lookin' for de Don.

Bowser: Yeah, I need his help to-

The Piantas in front of Bowser nod. Bowser and Flurrie are smacked in the head from behind. The last thing Bowser sees is the two Piantas who were BEHIND him…and then he breathes his last. Well no, not really. Bowser and Flurrie wake up in a dark room in front of the desk of an orange Pianta.

Don Pianta: So yous want to speak wid ME?

Bowser: Uh...yeah. Ow. Why did you knock us out!

Don Pianta: SILENCE! Unless yous wish to sleep wid de FISHIES?

Flurrie: Not particularly, no.

Don Pianta: Good. Now I what do yous want?  
Bowser: I want tickets to Glitzville!  
Don Pianta: Tickets eh? Well, I scratch your back yous scratch mine!  
Bowser: But my back isn't itchy.

Don Pianta: FOOL! Tis a sayin'! My daughter has run off wid one of my men, Frankie. I want yous to find dem! I hear their somewhere around de docks, but I have no clue where they are!

Flurrie: Maybe they're by the docks?  
Don Pianta: YEAH! Yous tink so? Well we'll see! Boys, go to de docks!  
Two Piantas leave. Bowser and Flurrie stand by uncomfortably while the Don makes origami out of napkins. A few minutes pass and the two Piantas come back with a unconscious female Pianta and a unconscious male Pianta.

Don Pianta: ACK! What did yous DO!

Pianta: I knocked em' out like I always do!  
Don Pianta: NO! You're fired! Take him out!  
Pianta: NO! Not dat!

A second Pianta calmly and gently leads the first Piantas outside.

Pianta: Oh, de politeness! I can't take it!

Don Pianta: Well, as thanks for your help I be givin' you these here tickets! And now I am allowed to call on you for help whenever I want!

Bowser: What! But we're even!  
Don Pianta: LEAVE!  
They leave. They go to the blimp, where a Cheep Cheep is making sure people with tickets get on the ship.

Cheep Cheep: Tickets?  
Bowser shows them.

Cheep Cheep: Okay now I need you to sign yourself as a slave for-

Bowser: Shut up.

Cheep Cheep: Dang! That usually works!  
Bowser and Flurrie get on the blimp…and go to Glitzville!

Meanwhile, with Mario…

The Koopa has managed to chase Mario all the way to the Great Boggly Tree. Mario, tired of running jumps on the Koopa, and then shoves him in a bush. With thorns. The Punies, on seeing this mighty creature walk over to him.

Punio: Who are you?  
Mario: It's-a me-a Mario!

Punita: AAAAHHHHHH! It talked!  
Elder: Now see here Mario-

Mario: Okeydokey!  
Elder: HOW DARE YOU INTERRUPT ME! NOW I SHALL LECTURE YOU!

Everyone ignores her.

Puniper: Are you here for Bowser?

Mario: Let's-a go!  
Punio: But he left, and according to a recent news article he's going to Glitzville, high in the sky!

Mario: Thank you very much!

Mario leaves.

Punio: There goes a great man.

Elder: HOW DARE HE BE GREAT! NOW I SHALL LECTURE HIM!  
Punio: Uh…he left.

Elder: HOW DARE HE LEAVE! NOW I SHALL LECTURE HIM!  
And so life for the Punies continue.

And back to Bowser…

Bowser and Flurrie reach Glitzville with almost no problems.

Blimp Captain: COME BACK WITH THAT SIGN!

Bowser: NO!  
Bowser is holding a sign that says "Vote George for King of the Koopas! He promises that you will no longer be forced to join a losing military!" In small print it says "Warning: Promises will not be kept!"  
Flurrie: Why are you doing this again?  
Bowser: I must have NO competition!

Flurrie: Right.

Bowser slashes the ropes holding the blimp down. It starts to slowly float away.

Blimp Captain: I SHALL GET YOU!

Bowser: Gwa ha ha!

Bowser flames the sign, then takes a look around the place he is in. It is a brilliant gaudy, tacky place with many interesting things, a Juice Bar, Item Shop, Hotdog Stand and strangest of all…a phone booth. Center of everything is the massive Glitz Pit, a battling arena where people watch and bet on who is going to be a bloody broken loser, and then laugh as their beaten body is further tormented by being forced to repeat the process again and again, until either they die…or well that's about the only way out. A truly great place!

Bowser: I bet the Star is in the phone booth!  
Flurrie: I'm sure it is.

Bowser walks over to the booth and goes inside. After ten minutes of intense searching of a place smaller than him Bowser realizes it's not there.

Bowser: GRRRR!  
He tears it out of the ground and throws it off the edge of Glitzville, sending it plummeting hundreds of feet below, to land right on a creepy person right behind Frankly's house. An important looking bob-omb walks over.

Goldbob: I say! I'm very rich and I disapprove of that!

Bowser: I don't care! DIE!  
He grabs Goldbob and tosses him over as well. He falls through the roof of the Rogueport Bar, landing on an annoying singing man named Flavio.

Flavio: OW!

Goldbob's wife and son walk over.

Bub: DAD!  
Sylvia: How could you do that!  
Bowser: Like THIS!  
He picks both of them up and throws them over, where they also land on Flavio, knocking him out.

Everyone in Bar: YAY!

Flurrie: Feeling better?  
Bowser: Yes I am!

Flurrie: Good, because I believe the star is in the-

Bowser: Hotdog Stand! Great idea!

Flurrie: Sigh.

Bowser walks over to the Hotdog Stand.

Hoggle: Yes?

Bowser: I want a Crystal Star!  
Hoggle: Yes, yes…that will be 20 coins.

Bowser grabs a passerby and steals his money.

Passerby: HEY!  
Bowser: RAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRR!

Passerby: AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!

He runs away. Bowser hands Hoggle the money. Hoggle hands Bowser two hotdogs.

Bowser: WHAT! What is this!  
Hoggle: Hotdogs, like you asked.

Bowser: GRRRR!

He prepares to flame the Stand when Flurrie comes over.

Flurrie: Bowser, I REALLY think the star is in the Glitz Pit!  
Bowser: Oh, okay. Why didn't you just say so?

Flurrie: Sigh.

They enter the Glitz Pit…and see a massive room. The room has a few people in it and Bowser and Flurrie simply ignore them and enter the large doors in the center. Inside they see the beginning of a fight between a giant golden bird and a powerful Koopatrol. A blue Clubba, lacking a club is announcing in the center.

Grubba: And now the championship match between Rawk Hawk, and the Koopinator!

Rawk Hawk: FEEL THE RAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWK!

Koopinator: I have RED eyes.

The Hawk suddenly leapt forward and jumped the Koopinators SPIKED head.

Flurrie: What! He's spiked!  
Bowser: SHHHH! This is cool! I should make my minions battle each other back home!

Flurrie: But it's obviously rigged!  
Bowser: SHUT UP!  
The Koopinator did not get back up.

Grubba: And we have a winner!  
Everyone cheered as Rawk held up a belt…with a shining Crystal Star!  
Bowser: GASP!  
Flurrie: I know!  
Bowser: He won!  
Flurrie: Yeah, wait what! He's got the Crystal Star!

Bowser: He does!  
Flurrie: So we'll have enter as fighters, battle our way to the top, and beat him to get the Star!  
Bowser: Or I could beat him now!  
Bowser started forward but the stream of screaming fans prevented him from moving.  
Bowser: MOVE!  
He flamed several of them, but they kept coming back burned and blackened to yell at a giant bird.

Flurrie: Want to try my idea now?  
Bowser: Fine.

They headed back to the main entrance and went to the left. There a security guard with no arms stood.

Guard: You can't go back there!  
Bowser: I want to be a fighter!  
Guard: Oh, well that's okay!

Flurrie: Why do you have no arms?  
Guard: What! I do! They're really buff! They're just...behind me! Yeah!  
He turns around and goes through the door, revealing that he has no arms. He takes them backstage to an office. Inside Grubba is talking on the phone.

Grubba: Yes, I'd like to order five more fake spikes, oh and how about some smoke screens so we can cover up anything on the ring, in case one of our fighters needs a…push. Okay bye!  
Flurrie: How did he get here! He was just in the ring!  
Grubba: Manager secret. So you want be a fighter?  
Bowser: Yes, how'd you know?

Grubba: Manager secret. Alright, well although you seem pretty scrawny, you MIGHT stand a chance.

Bowser and Flurrie stand in shock, as Bowser is twice the size of Grubba.

Grubba: Alright. Let me show you around!  
He takes them out of the office and to a room on the left. It is a large cool room, with a nice bed and well everything!

Grubba: This is the Champion's room! However since you're never going to reach it I shouldn't get your hopes up. Let's keep going!

Bowser: Grr! I'll show him!  
He lets loose a blast of flame just as Grubba goes out the door, thereby dodging it.

Bowser: Eh…close enough.

He follows Grubba. He takes them to a nice locker room, which is pretty decent but nothing great.

Grubba: And this is the Major league room! Nothing great I know, but still decent! Okay so there is the part where the toilet will eat you…but it doesn't happen often! Let's go back to my office!  
Flurrie: What about the minor league room?  
Grubba: Ah…well I don't want to show you that as it is so crappy that it would make you not join.

Flurrie: That doesn't sound good.

Bowser: Wow! Normally I'd be worried but I am blinded by the incredible Champion's Room and then assume that the worst room is the Major Leagues, as that's the only one I've seen!

Grubba: Good…good.

They go back to the office.

Grubba: Alright, now you need a fighting name.

Bowser: How about Bowser, KING of the Koopas!

Grubba: No.  
Bowser: Okay just KING of the Koopas then.

Grubba: No.

Bowser: Bowser?  
Grubba: No. I want this name to be at least slightly accurate.

Bowser: But my name IS Bowser and I AM the KING of the Koopas!  
Grubba: Sure. Do you have any idea how many people have pulled that trick on me? Oh, I am BOWSER! FEAR ME! Pshaw!

Bowser: Uh, how many have done that?  
Grubba: Well counting now? One.

Bowser: Oh.

Grubba: I know! You can be Mr. Muffin!

Bowser: WHAT! That name stinks!  
Grubba: ARE YOU CHALLENGING MY NAMING SKILLS! GRUBBA, THE GREAT GLITZ PIT MANAGER!

Bowser: Uh…sorry?  
Grubba: Okay! Please sign this contract!  
He holds out a large piece of paper with tons of small type and a spot at the bottom that says "sign here".

Bowser: Okay.

He signs it.

Flurrie: But Bowser it said that you were stuck here until you died or had the life force drained out of you by some kind of Crystal Star powered machine inside the-

Bowser: WHAT!  
Grubba: No it didn't!  
Bowser: Oh, okay. See Flurrie?  
Flurrie: Sigh, fine.

Grubba: Now I'll have my assistant Jolene take you to your locker room.

A stern female toad with glasses and a lock of blond hair walks in.

Jolene: Follow me.

They follow her. She takes them to the minor league locker room, which is run down and filthy. It has a Bandit, a yellow Koopa Troopa, a Hyper Bald Cleft, and a bob-omb in it.

Bowser: AHHH! It's so crappy!  
Jolene: Silence. When you want to battle merely access this screen.

She gestures to a large pink Gameboy Advance on the wall.

Jolene: All you need to do is walk up to it and Grubba will tell you who you are battling, and inform you of certain requirements and restrictions for your match.

Bowser: Like what?

Jolene: Like "Do a triple back-flip and meow in the match".

Bowser: Ahh.

Flurrie: What if Grubba isn't available?  
Jolene looks her straight in the eye.

Jolene: Grubba is ALWAYS available…

She walks out.

Flurrie: Creepy…

The screen flickers on. Grubba's face appears.

Grubba: Well hi Mr. Muffin! Your first match is against the Goomba Bros.! I want you to give a big SMILE to the audience before it's done!

Bowser: All right.

Grubba: A Guard shall escort you there.

After a few minutes the Guard who was five feet away from the door came in.

Guard: COME WITH ME!  
Flurrie: Chill!

Guard: OKAY!  
They follow him to the ring. They go up to the arena. They are surrounded by screaming fans.

Flurrie: Uh…isn't this the LOWEST ranked match?  
Guard: THESE PEOPLE HAVE NOTHING BETTER TO DO!  
Flurrie: Why do you keep yelling!  
Guard: BECAUSE I HAVE TROUBLE controlling the VOLUME OF MY voice!

Flurrie: Right…

Grubba walks on.

Grubba: And now the match most of you probably don't care about, it's Mr. Muffin!  
Bowser gives the crowd a BIG smile.

Fans: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!

They start to run.

Grubba: NO! Don't worry folks he's just smiling!  
Fans: OH!

Grubba: And I present the mighty, the powerful…Goomba Bros.!  
Five normal Goombas walk onto the ring.

Bowser: HA HA HA! These guys! I'll KILL them!  
Goomba: Don't count on it!  
He runs forward and headbutts Bowser. Bowser doesn't even notice.

Grubba: And let the match BEGIN!  
Bowser unleashes a blast of flame at the Goombas, crisping them all.

Grubba: Uh…

Fans: Uh…

Bowser: Gwa ha ha!

Grubba: Mr. Muffin wins!  
Fans: YAY!

Bowser and Flurrie are escorted back to the locker room. Jolene walks in.

Jolene: Here is your prize money.

She gives them a single coin.

Bowser: …Wow.

Jolene walks away.

Flurrie: I know, pretty cheap-

Bowser: I'm getting PAID to cream people! THIS ROCKS!

Flurrie: Okay…

The yellow Koopa walks over.

King K: Hey! I'm King K, how are you doing?  
Bowser: I'm fine…but I don't like your name…It implies that you are a King.

King K: Hey! It's cool! Grubba calls me Yellow Thing! That's the name he gave me, what did he give you?  
Bowser: Uh…Mr. Muffin?  
King K: Hey! That's not bad! Let me introduce you to everyone!

He points at a Bandit in the corner.

King K: That's Bandy Andy, or Bandy. Grubba calls him Maskalicious!

Bandy: STEAL!  
Bowser: Interesting…

King K: That bob-omb over there is called Master Crash, or just Crash. Grubba calls him Explosive Boomer Guy!

Crash: I BOOM hate my BOOM name.

Flurrie: Different.

King K: And that Cleft is called Cleftor, or Mr. Grumpypants.

Cleftor: I don't like you.

King K: Yeah…so want to be friends?  
Bowser: How about after I finish my adventure you join my army?  
King K: Okay!  
Grubba's face appears on the screen.

Grubba: Mr. Muffin, you're battling Yellow Thing. I want you to win in three turns or less.

Bowser: Turns?  
Grubba: You know, turns!

Bowser: I'm confused.

Grubba: Just win fast!

King K: Wow! I guess it's you vs. me! Good luck!  
Bowser and King K go to the arena. King K has another yellow koopa, and a yellow paratroopa helping him. Needless to say, Bowser won. They come back and Bowser gets some prize money. King K walks up to him.

King K: Wow! You sure are strong!  
Bowser: I know.

He makes a ridiculous pose.

Flurrie: Right.

Bowser signs up for his next battle, the Pokey Triplets. After yet another brief battle Bowser wins again. He comes back.

King K: Wow! You're whipping through these.

Suddenly Jolene walks in with Bandy Andy.

Jolene: Stop trying to steal my hair! It's attached!  
Bandy: I'm sorry!  
Jolene walks back out.

King K: You know, Bandy you really should stop stealing everything.

Bandy: Yeah, yeah. Bye!  
He runs back out.

King K: I just don't trust him.

Bowser: Yeah.

Bowser signs on for his next match, against the Dead Bones. He wins. He comes back.

King K: WOW! You're awesome!  
Suddenly they hear some voices from outside.

Voice: So this guy tripped and hit his head on…a pillow?  
Voice 2: Yeah weird huh? I mean he's a fighter, and he has to go to the hospital cause he hit a pillow? Makes you think.

Voice: We don't get paid to think.

The voices trail off.

Bowser: Strange.

King K: Yeah I-

Bowser ignores him and signs on for his next match, against the Spike Storm, two Lakitus and two Spinies. Bowser had no trouble. After he comes back King K walks over.

King K: Hey! There's some kind of new hotdog at Hoggles! He's using some kind of tropical egg and-

Bowser ignores him and walks over to the screen. The screen flashes a message that says "No fights until Mr. Muffin checks out the new hotdog."

Bowser: Grr. I can take a hint!

He tries to sign on again. A new message pops up. It says "No, you can't." After a few more tries Bowser gives up and goes to the main room. The Rawk Hawk is in the center surrounded by screaming fans and reporters. Bowser blazes, literally, a trail through them. He gets outside and sees the pig-like owner of the Hotdog Stand, chasing a multicolored bouncing egg.

Hoggle: Silly egg! Come here so I can cook you!  
Flurrie: Bowser! Let's rescue that egg!  
Bowser: Why?  
Flurrie: Uh…so it can join your army?  
Bowser: Sounds reasonable.

Bowser walks over and tries to grab the egg. He misses and the egg jumps to the top of the Hotdog Stand.

Hoggle: Shoot! How am I supposed to get it now! It's not like anyone here can fly!

Flurrie: Shoot!  
Bowser: Uh…Flurrie? Can't you fly?  
Flurrie: Uh…that's right!  
She flies up and grabs the egg. She brings it back down.

Hoggle: Oh! That's an egg! I thought it was noodles.

Flurrie: But didn't you call it an egg?  
Hoggle: Okay! You can have it!

Flurrie: Cool! I bet the egg has bonded with us now and it won't run away!  
She lets the egg go. It tries to dash away but Bowser grabs it.

Bowser: STAY!

Egg: (shiver)

Bowser: NOW it won't run away.

Bowser, Flurrie and the egg go back to the locker room.

Meanwhile, with Luigi…

Luigi and Blooey managed to reach the Strudel Continent. (Technically it is a peninsula) Blooey managed to catch a few fish and Luigi managed to resist eating him. When they got there they quickly got off the boat and found themselves in…Plumpbelly Village! They see many huts and people with plump bellies! The one with the plumpest belly introduces himself as the mayor.

Mayor: I am the Mayor! You must help me!  
Luigi: Help you what?  
Mayor: A giant two headed snake named Hizza, is terrorizing our village! The only way to not make him kill us all is to sacrifice beautiful maidens! My daughter is up next!  
He points to a BEAUTIFUL lady.

Luigi: Wow.

Mayor: What? No not her! She's just visiting! HER!  
He points to a rather pudgy girl dancing around in a bikini.

Luigi: AAAAHHHHHHHH! My eyes!  
Mayor: Yes she is beautiful. If you can rescue us, then I shall hold a massive feast in my honor!  
Luigi: What about me?  
Mayor: Uh…we have little food and can not give you any.

Luigi: But you're all real fat!

Mayor: Uh…well I MIGHT be able to spare some things.

Blooey: We'll do it!  
Mayor: Good! Jerry here will help you come up with a plan.

A small bob-omb comes up.

Jerry: Hey. I have a plan.

Luigi: What?  
Jerry: Well Hizza won't come unless there's a maiden…and well, I bet if we dressed you up…

Luigi: Sigh…oh well.

So Jerry, Blooey and Luigi spend the better part of the day getting Luigi to look like a fat female. This not only difficult as they were all guys…but Luigi was rather skinny so they had to stuff numerous pillows and Styrofoam pellets down his dress in order for him to look the part.

Luigi: This idea stinks.

Jerry: Shut it! Don't destroy my self esteem!  
That night all the villagers hid in their huts while Luigi was put on a pedestal. Jerry and Blooey waited near by.

Luigi: I don't think he's coming.

Jerry: Well you have to make some kind of feminine noise!

Luigi: Fine…

He clears his throat.

Luigi: I feel like a woman!  
He starts belting out lyrics…and he sounds just like Britney Spears.

Jerry: Uh…

Blooey: Does Britney Spears even sing that song?  
Luigi: Yes I do! I feel like a woman!  
A low rumbling is heard.

Jerry: Well it appears to be working!  
Luigi: Smelly cat, smelly cat, what are they feeding you!  
Jerry: He's actually pretty good.

Luigi: Smelly cat, smelly cat! It's not your fault!  
Suddenly a massive two headed snake tears into the town. One head on its tail and the other on its…well, neck. Luigi stops singing and starts tearing out the pillows and throwing them at Hizza.

Hizza: Huh?  
The pillows explode on contact! Blooey flies over and squirts him right in the eye. And Jerry explodes by his mouth!  
Hizza: RAAAR!

He suddenly lunges forward and grabs one of the huts and tears its roof off…revealing the TRUE Mayor's daughter!  
Hizza: RAAAAR!  
Daughter: LA LA LA!

Hizza tries to eat her but her flabby body gets stuck in his throat and he chokes.

Hizza: ACK!  
He coughs her up and then falls to the ground dead. A piece of the Marvelous Compass comes out of his mouth. Luigi picks it up and attaches it to his Compass. The creepy voice comes out of it again!  
Voice: Now you must leave east for Circuit Break Island, immediately!

Luigi: But the feast-

Voice: NOOOOW!

Luigi Okay!

Luigi and Blooey prepare to leave when Jerry walks over.

Jerry: Hey…can I come with you?

Luigi: Sure…but why?

Jerry: Well because…You are so beautiful to me! You are so-

Luigi: Shut up.

Jerry: Fine.

Blooey: How'd you sing like that?  
Luigi: The small radio in my shirt.

Blooey: Oh…for a second there I thought you had some talent.

Luigi: What's that supposed to mean!

Back to Glitzville…

Bowser and Flurrie reach their locker room with their new friend in tow. Bowser signs on for his next match, against the Hand-It-Overs, Bandy Andy's group of two Bandits and a pair of Big Bandits. He leaves the egg in the locker room. The match is slightly difficult, at least until one of the Bandits slips through Bowser's defense and steals a few coins. He flips out and creams them. After he comes back King K comes up to him again.

King K: Hey I hear there is some hot chick in the-

Bowser ignores him and enters for the next match, against the Mind Bogglers, a Pale Piranha, a Dark Puff, and a Pider. Before they leave Flurrie confronts King K.

Flurrie: Why do you keep trying to be nice to him?  
King K: Foolish optimism I suppose.

Flurrie: Whatever.

Bowser annihilates the fighters and comes back again. King K walks over.

King K: Hey Bowser, I'm retiring after my next match and I want to-

Bowser walks off to sign on for his next match.

Flurrie: I don't think you can retire.

King K: Well then I'll be the first! Unless that first champion, Prince Mush, retired.

Flurrie: Prince Mush?  
King K: Yeah, he was the champion before Grubba and the Hawk! But he disappeared…

Flurrie: Really? Well I-BOWSER!

Bowser was heading toward the ring to take on the Punk Rocks, Cleftor's group of three Hyper Bald Clefts. Again the battle was slightly difficult but Bowser managed to prevail. When they come back they notice King K is gone. Well at least Flurrie notices.

Flurrie: I guess King K retired!

Bowser: Who?

Flurrie: Never mind.

Bowser logs on for the final Minor league battle. If he wins this he's the top of the Minor League! The match is against Master Crash and three other bob-ombs. Bowser attacks them lighting up their fuses and then sidesteps as they charge into the crowd and explode. Bowser wins! He comes back to the Minor League Locker Room, expecting that it is the last time he'll ever see it…

Bowser: HEY! King K is gone!  
Master Crash: He BOOM is! Oh BOOM no!  
Cleftor: Eh. He weak. Not good looking or smart-like.

Crash: HOW DARE BOOM YOU SAY SUCH BOOM THINGS! BOOM DIE!

Crash charges at Cleftor exploding over and over. Cleftor charges up and then unleashes an attack that sends Crash flying. Crash gets back up and charges again. Bowser ignores them and logs on for a fight against the Armored Harriers! The first major leaguers! They are two Iron Clefts! Just before Bowser left Jolene came in escorting a Swooper by the name of Sir Swoop.

Jolene: Blah blah, I don't get paid enough, don't die, yeah.

Sir Swoop: …

Bowser and Flurrie leave to face their match…When they get there they see the normal screaming crowd. The Armored Harriers, which are rather large Clefts, come up.

Green Cleft: You can't hurt us!  
Red Cleft: Yeah! We're armored!  
Grubba: Start!

The two Clefts charge at Bowser and connect.

Bowser: OW! Grr…Flame Blast!  
He shoots a large fire blast at one of the Clefts. The Cleft emerges unharmed.

Bowser: What!  
Flurrie: Perhaps we should flee!

Bowser: Well…

The two Clefts charge again!  
Bowser: OKAY!  
They both run away back to the locker room, forfeiting the match. Inside their locker room, they see that the egg they got had hatched! Into a red Yoshi!

Bowser: Aw man! I was hoping for a demon of death!

Nameless Yoshi: Give me a name!  
Bowser: Well…how about King, as you are the new minion of BOWSER, King of the Koopas!  
King: Fine.

Voice: King has joined your party! He can eat things many times larger then himself and give enough attitude to make Goombella cry!

King: Yo, yo! Kickin' with the homies dude!

Flurrie: Don't do that.

King: 'Kay.

Bowser: Okay Flurrie, disappear!  
Flurrie disappears.

King: Alright! Let's beat those Iron Clefts you didn't tell me about and I should have no knowledge of!  
Bowser: Okay!

They leave for the arena. The Clefts are still there and everyone is acting like they never ran away.

Green Cleft: Prepare to die!

He charged. King ate him and then fired him back at his brother knocking them out.

Grubba: AND MR. MUFFIN WINS! He moves on to the Major Leagues!

Jolene comes by and escorts Bowser and King to the Major League locker room. There is a Hammer Bro. named Hamma, the Dark Koopatrol known as Koopinator and a few other guys who are just standing around ignoring each other. Bowser is about to sign on for the next fight when Rawk Hawk comes in.

Hawk: Are you Mr. Muffin!  
Bowser: Possibly. Are you some girlscouts selling cookies?  
Hawk: Uh…no.

Bowser: Then give me your belt as compensation.

Hawk: Well…sounds reasonable.

He hands over the belt. Upon touching the star Bowser claws tear through the cheap Styrofoam.  
Hawk: Aw man! Now I need to make another one!  
He runs off.

King: Well that's weird. If he doesn't have it…then who does?

Bowser: Eh…I'll just keep killing these guys.  
He prepares to sign on when Parakarry flies in carrying an SP.

Bowser: ACK! How'd you get here!  
Parakarry: Postman can go anywhere! Now I have been told to tell you to keep this one.

Bowser: Fine.

Parakarry flies off. The SP starts making a loud annoying sound.

Bowser: MUST DESTROY!  
King: NO! It means you have a message!  
Bowser: Oh.

He opens it and sees a message from someone called X. The message says "To FiNd ThE cRyStAl sTaR hEeD mY-oh! That's how you write in lowercase only! Whoops! Okay, listen to my instructions when they come! Bye!"

Bowser: Strange. Oh well. A poorly typed message from someone I don't know? Of COURSE I'll listen to them!

Bowser signs on for his next match, against the Tiny Spinies, two Red Spike Tops. The battle was surprisingly easy though so Bowser and King soon came back. Bowser then signs on for his next match, against the Poker Faces, two Bristles. Bowser easily crushed them. They come back to the Major League locker room. Bowser got another message from X. This one said "Go down to the watering hole."

Bowser: What's that?  
King: I have no clue!  
Another message from X showed up. "The Juice Bar of course!"  
Bowser: OHH!

They leave the locker room and start to head out when…

Ms. Mowz: Well hello! How's my hunky dude doing?

Bowser: YOU AGAIN! Don't you ever DIE!

Ms. Mowz: Nope! Kiss me!  
Bowser: NO!  
Ms. Mowz: I see…well then I shall be off!  
She dashes outside. Bowser and King follow. They watch her jump off the edge of Glitzville.

King: Aren't we like hundreds of feet up?  
Ms. Mowz: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

A SPLAT is heard.

Bowser: She'll be back. Let's go.

They head into the Juice Bar. The bartender walks over.

Bartender: Well hey! This is the Juice Bar that sells nothing! We make money taking bets from people on how we make money! I have something for you!

He hands Bowser a hammer. The world goes white and Toadette appears.

Toadette: Well hi! You got the Super Hammer! Although it's pretty pointless for you, I could REALLY use it!

She grabs it and runs off. The world becomes normal

Bowser: Right…

Another message from X appears. This one tells Bowser to go back to the Minor league locker room and smash down a large yellow block.

Bowser: This X person is running us ragged!

They headed to the minor league locker room. The guard was set on not letting them in but Bowser easily knocked him out. They entered the locker room and ignored all their old comrades. Bowser walked over to a massive yellow block and smashed it open. He then entered a small room. Inside the room is a small computer and some kind of important document on a high shelf. Bowser reaches up and gets it down.

King: Well? What's it say?

Bowser: Well, it says this is an IMPORTANT DOCUMENT, and wait…it looks like it's talking about a Crystal Star…

Suddenly Jolene comes in.

Jolene: You are not allowed in these locker rooms! I shall confiscate that now!  
Bowser: NO!  
They engage in a mild tug of war which ends when Bowser flames the paper.

Bowser: HA!  
Jolene: Go back to your locker room!  
King: Wait…how did you know we were in here?  
Jolene: Assistant Manager Secret.

King: Right…

They go back to the Major League locker room and Bowser signs on to face the 7th seed…the Shellshockers! They are a group of two Shady Koopas, and a Shady Paratroopa! Considerably more powerful than Koopa Troopas, Bowser easily defeats them. Just as he's about to leave the Iron Adonis Twins, the Iron Clefts, jump out and attack Bowser.

Green Cleft: You won't beat us again!  
Red Cleft: Yeah! We're exactly the same!

They charge at Bowser. Bowser dodges Red's charge and then grabs Green. After a bit of effort he lifts Green and drops him on Red's head, getting him stuck on his spikes.

Red Cleft: Get off! Get off!  
Green Cleft: Get me off! Get me off!  
They run around wildly breaking through walls until they fall off the edge of Glitzville.

Clefts: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

A loud BAM sound is heard.

Bowser: I don't think they'll be back.

Bowser goes back to the locker room to log on for his next match. However he gets another email before he can. This one isn't from X, it says "Don't stick your nose where it doesn't belong! You'll never guess who I am! Sincerely Rawk Hawk."  
King: Man, that guy is dumb.

Bowser: Who! How do you know who it is!  
King: He SIGNED it!  
Bowser: Oh. So he did…

Bowser logs on for his next match, against the Magikoopa Masters, a green, red and white Magikoopa team. They are slightly difficult but their spells are pathetic and Bowser manages to cream them. When he comes back he notices a large slice of cake in the room.

Koopinator: A fan sent you that.

Bowser: YUM!  
Bowser ran over and tried to gobble it down, when Shellshock, the Shady Koopa ran in front of him and ate it first!  
Shellshock: YUM!  
Bowser: Grrr! DIE!  
Bowser flamed him. He then signed on for his next match against the Fuzz, a Fuzzy, a Flower Fuzzy, and a Green Fuzzy. He entered the ring…and won. Just as he was about to leave Mario jumped into the arena.

Mario: It's-a me-a Mario!

Bowser: YOU! How did YOU get here!  
Mario: Woohoo!

Bowser: What? You go free tickets to the blimp because you're Mario!  
Mario: Okeydokey!  
Bowser: I shall crush you!  
Mario: Let's-a go!

Bowser charges at Mario but Mario skillfully dodges it. Mario jumps up and bounces on Bowser's head, then smacks him with some kind of hammer he managed to grab.

Bowser: Ack! Take THIS!  
He shot a fireball at Mario. Mario batted it back with the hammer and it hit Bowser in the chest, knocking him over.

Mario: Woohoo!

Bowser: Grr!  
He swiped at Mario as he got close but Mario merely stomped his hand. Mario prepared to unleash the final swing when suddenly…

King: Hi-yaa!  
King slammed into Mario from the side.

Mario: Oh NOOOOOOOO!  
Mario attempted to swing at King, but King slipped under the hammer and punched Mario in the face!  
Mario: Ooh!

Mario turned and quickly ran away. Bowser managed to pick himself up.

Bowser: Thanks King.

King: Aw…it was nothing.

Bowser: You will definitely be one of my grunts!  
King: Uh…thanks…I guess.

Bowser and King walked back to the locker room while fans screamed at them. Bowser actually rested up before he signed on for his next match. When he did he discovered the match was pitting him against Craw-Daddy, a powerful Dark Craw. The battle was actually pretty tough but yet again Bowser emerged the victor. As Bowser returns to his locker room he gets another message from X, this time he wants Bowser to go to the telephone booth outside.

Bowser: Let's go!  
King: but wait didn't you-

Bowser ran out the door.

King: Oh well he'll remember soon enough.

Before they get outside however they are stopped by Rawk Hawk.

Hawk: I shall CRUSH you!  
King: Sure. Shut up.

Hawk: OKAY!

Bowser: Move.

Hawk: I sent you that threatening message!  
King: We know, you signed it.

Hawk: Yeah? Well…uh…prepare to be RAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWKED!

He jumps into the ceiling and then falls back to the floor unconscious.

King: Okay…how did HE become champion?

Bowser and King walk to where the phone booth used to be before Bowser threw it to the ground.

Bowser: WHAT! Where is it!  
King: Uh…it was thrown to the ground.

Bowser: BY WHO! I shall kill them! It was senseless vandalism!  
King: Uh…you threw it down.

Bowser: So I did! And it was very clever of me! Hey a key!  
He picks up a key on the ground.

King: What happened to "senseless vandalism"?  
Bowser: That feeling went away as soon as I found out it was my fault.

Another message from X appears. This one says to go to the storage room by the Champion's room. They head over there and unlock it with the key. Ms. Mowz is inside! She is standing on a bunch of large boxes.  
Bowser: WHAT! You just fell off the edge of Glitzville!

Ms. Mowz: I know! But true love can keep you alive regardless!  
Bowser: Go away!  
Ms. Mowz: Fine! But you should go upstairs!  
She jumps off the four foot high boxes.

Ms. Mowz: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!  
She makes SPLAT sound upon hitting the floor and lays there unmoving.

King: Oh sure, she jumps out a fifty foot window, leaps out of a three story high tree, falls off the edge of Glitzville, which is hundreds of feet, and all she does is step off a small box and she dies! That doesn't make any sense!  
Bowser: Oh shut up and help me destroy these metallic boxes!  
They push and smash with all their might but the boxes don't move. Or break.

King: Hey, what's this?  
He pulls off a light canvas tarp that was on the boxes, revealing them to be normal yellow blocks! They easily destroy them.

King: How did the tarp make them indestructible?  
Bowser: I do not know!

Destroying the blocks revealed a staircase that they quickly climbed. They headed up and found another staircase leading to the ceiling. Bowser and King went in there and stomped around very loudly until they found a vent over Grubba's office. Jolene and Grubba are in there talking. Bowser listens, breathing very loudly.

Grubba: So King K is the fifth fighter to disappear this year?  
Jolene: Yes. Do you hear something?  
Grubba: Only the sound of YOU getting fired if you don't find out what's happening!  
Jolene: Okay.

Grubba: Actually…don't find out.

Jolene: What?  
Grubba: Just don't!  
Jolene: Okay!  
She turns to leave.

Grubba: By the way…what do you know about Crystal Stars?  
Jolene: Uh…they're shiny?  
Grubba: You sure seem to know a lot…

Jolene: Okay.

Grubba: LEAVE!  
She leaves. Bowser sneezes very loudly.

Grubba: AAAAHHHH! Who's there?  
Bowser: Uh…no one. It's your imagination!  
Grubba: Oh, okay.

Bowser and King get back to their locker room and sign on for their next match.

King: So what do you think about all those fighters disappearing?  
Bowser: What? Who's disappearing?  
King: The fighters! Five have disappeared in the last year!  
Bowser: How do you know so much?

King: I just hard about it!  
Bowser: But you were with me!  
King: Yes! We both heard about it!  
Bowser: Sure…

The next match is against Hamma, Bamma and Flare, a Hammer Bro, a Boomerang Bro and a Fire Bro. The battle was surprisingly easy as all three had dodged out of Bowser's services so in order to appease him they forfeited. Bowser still flamed them. When he comes back he sees another cake from a "fan". Bowser tries to eat it but Shellshock dashes in and gobbles it up first.

Bowser: Why you!  
Shellshock: Yum! What? ACK!  
He passes out clutching his stomach.

King: I guess the cake was poisoned!

Bowser: What cake?  
Bowser signs on for his next match against Chomp Country, a pair of Red Chomps! He wins, amazingly enough! He comes back and sees Shellshock still passed out. Bowser ignores him and signs on to battle the Koopinator. The battle is tough, with both sides exchanging blows when Bowser gets an idea!  
Bowser: I'll jump on his head!  
King: NO! He's spiked!  
Bowser runs over and jumps…defeating Koopinator.

King: Okay…

Bowser: That's how Rawk Hawk won!

King: Yeah…and it's also impossible. Oh well.

Bowser and King go back to their locker room. Once there they get another message from X. This one says to tear off the Mr. Muffin posters on the second floor.

Bowser: Posters? There are posters of me?  
King: I guess. Come on!

They go to the main lobby. Once there they see about four posters of Bowser…or Mr. Muffin.

Bowser: Wow! I have POSTERS!  
King: Yeah, great. Let's just take the top ones down.

Bowser: Fine.

They go to the second floor and tear the posters off, dropping them on a news person and a cameraman.

News Guy: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! STICKY! Are you getting this!  
Cameraman: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! STICKY! I'm not sure!  
Behind one of the posters they find a key. Immediately after grabbing it they get another message from X telling them to use the key to open the locked door in the storage room.

Bowser: I hope we find what this person wants us to.

They go back to the second floor of the storage room and unlock the door. They go to the back of a room covered in boxes. When they reach the back they find Andy and King K…but something's different…

King: They're all balloony!  
They look like they were pumped full of air and now they sort of look like those punching clown toys.

Andy: Energy…was sucked…pumped with air…used as toy…

King K: The…pain…

King: Who did this to you!  
Andy: It was…the…ACK!  
Bowser punched Andy.

Bowser: Wow! These guys ARE fun!

King: Bowser! He was going to tell us something!  
Bowser: Eh…it couldn't have been very important.

They heard the door creak. Bowser and King spun around, catching a glimpse of Jolene before she closed the door and scurried away.  
King: We should probably leave…

Bowser: Yeah.

They start to leave.

King K: What…about…us?  
Bowser: Well…you look fine the way you are so just stay there!  
Bowser and King go back to their locker room

King K: Stupid…Mr. Muffin!

Bowser signs on for his final match. Grubba comes on.

Grubba: Okay…because this match is so special you MUST lose.

Bowser: WHAT!

Grubba: Or at least pay me a lot of coins!  
Bowser: Forget it! I'm going to win!

Grubba: Fine. I'd like to see you beat Rawk Hawk anyways…

While Bowser fumes a security guard comes by to escort them to their match. They start walking…and they walk right by the arena.

King: Hey…you're going the wrong way!  
Guard: No…this is a shortcut!

King: But we just walked right by the doors!

Guard: Your point is?  
Bowser: Shut up King! Obviously a special match requires a special path!

The guard opens a door. Bowser and King go inside…a minor league locker room!

Bowser: Hey…I think this is the wrong-

The guard closed the door. The sound of him locking it was audible.

Bowser: What the!  
King: Told ya it was wrong!  
Bowser: Shut up!  
Bowser jabbed his claws into the door and tore it off its hinges much to the surprise of the guard.

Guard: ACK! I'm surprised! You can't do that!

Bowser: Watch me!  
Bowser slammed the guard with the door and then ran off to the arena. Upon reaching it he heard the screams of many fans. He bounded onto the ring right by Rawk Hawk!

Hawk: ACK! How did you escape from the locker room I got the guard to put you in!  
Bowser: So it was YOU who did it, wasn't it?

Hawk: Well yeah…I just said that.

Grubba was in the front of them building up hype for the match.

Grubba: And now two friends, forced to battle each other in order to save a loved one…its RAWK HAWK VS. MR. MUFFIN!

King: Uh…almost none of what he just said was even remotely accurate.

Hawk: Prepare to feel the RAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWK!  
Bowser: Prepare to feel the MISSSSSSSSSSSSTEEEEEEEERRRRRRRRR!  
Hawk: Uh…no. Try again.

Bowser: All right…prepare to feel the MUUUUUUUUUFFFFFFFFFFIIIIIIIN!  
Hawk: Eh…close enough. CHARGE!

Rawk Hawk dived forward. Bowser turned around and Hawk impaled himself on Bowser's spikes.

Hawk: OWWWWW!

Bowser: Gwa ha ha!  
Hawk reached down and grabbed Bowser's tail and started pulling.

Bowser: OWWWWWWWW!

Hawk: Ha ha ha!  
Bowser flipped over slamming the Hawk on the ground, impaling him even more, then started spinning.

Hawk: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!  
Bowser: Gwa ha ha!  
The Hawk stuck his hands on the ground and PUSHED, sending him and Bowser flying in the air, and the Hawk managed to dislodge himself from the spikes, sending him and Bowser plummeting to the ground.

Hawk: HA HA!  
Bowser: AAAAHHHHH!

They both land with minimal injuries. The Hawk turns his back to Bowser and waves to his fans. Bowser turns his back to his fans and sent a fireball to the Hawk.

Hawk: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!  
Bowser: Gwa ha ha!  
The Hawk ran around for a while until he slammed in the big screen, knocking himself out.

Grubba: Uh…I guess we have a new champion!

The fans screamed.

King: Are they screaming because they're happy, or because they're going to start a riot and kill us all?  
Bowser: Eh…who cares?  
King: Well I did-

Bowser: I DON'T.

Grubba: Uh…Jolene shall escort you to your new room.

Jolene comes up and takes Bowser and King to the champion's room. She then leaves. Bowser is prepared to chill, when he gets another message from X. This one says to "find the ghost in the champion's room".

Bowser: What? That doesn't make any sense!  
Another message appeared. This one said "You idiot! Listen to the voice! Follow the voice!"

Bowser: Well fine…you jerk.

Bowser and King were quiet for a while until they heard a faint noise coming from the direction of the wall they shared with Grubba's office…

King: Hey look! A vent! I bet we could use it to-

Bowser started walking through the wall.

King: That works too.

Bowser kept walking making a LOT of noise, while King followed close behind. Eventually they broke through the wall to Grubba's office, knocking over his trophy shelf. Amazingly Grubba didn't notice them at first.

Grubba: I have a Crystal Star! YAY!

Bowser GIVE US THE STAR!  
Grubba: What! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!

Grubba ran out the door.

Bowser: He must be up to no good! Get him!  
King: Well actually what would you do if someone just walked through your wall, ruining your room and then started screaming at you?  
Bowser: Well I'd probably flame them…

King: Uh…probably should have asked a SANE person that question.

Bowser: Then squish them and…

King: Uh…Bowser…let's get him!

Bowser: Send them to a dungeon for a while and what? He's gone! Get him!  
King: Right.

They chase after Grubba. He leads them to the arena. When they get inside he is already on the ring and it looks like he hit some buttons on a remote or something.

Grubba: Now you shall see the awesome MIGHT of the Crystal Star!

Some kind of machine began to rise up from the center of the ring. It was large and had a section in the center where someone apparently stood. On the top was a Crystal Star!  
Grubba: I use this machine to suck out the fighters energy…and then I add it to my own to keep myself eternally youthful!  
Bowser: But Andy and King K were pumped up!  
Grubba: Yes well I was bored…and they were flat, so I used a bicycle pumps to turn them into Punch-em' clowns!

While Grubba and Bowser were talking King went to the top of the machine and took the star off.

Grubba: Now I shall become…Macho Grubba!

He stood in it and turned it on. Something appeared to be wrong.

Grubba: Something appears to be wrong! It's acting as if the Star is gone…but that would make it explo-

The machine explodes. Grubba disappears in a blinding flash of light.

Grubba: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! I'm dying! Now I'm dead just in case you weren't sure!  
As the explosion died down a Toad popped out of the remains of the machine.

Prince Mush: Well hi!  
Bowser: Uh…hi?

Jolene: Brother!  
Jolene runs in from the door and hugs Mush.

Mush: Hello! And who might you be?  
Jolene: I'm your sister!  
Mush: Heh heh…sure you are. I bet you just want an autograph.

Jolene: Wha? Don't you remember me?

She looked like she was on the verge of tears.

Mush: Hah ha! Got you! Man you're so gullible!  
Jolene: Why did I like you again?  
Bowser: What's going on?  
Jolene: Oh! Uh…Mr. Muffin this is Prince Mush the first champion…and my brother. You see I was X and-

Bowser: I don't really care anymore, this story sounds like it will be boring.

Jolene: But-

Bowser Bye!  
King: Uh Bowser don't you-

Bowser: I SAID BYE!  
King: Sorry.

They leave.

Jolene: Want to get married?  
Mush: Aren't we related?  
Jolene: Possibly…but I've just been saying that so people would think it's cool that I'm the sister of a really strong guy…

Mush: So you're not my sister?  
Jolene: Well of course not!

Mush: Okay…well sure! Let's get married!  
Jolene: HA HA! Fooled you back!  
Mush: Dang!

Meanwhile with Peach…

Peach was wondering yet again when TEC would let her out when the door opened.

Peach: This is getting to be a pretty regular occurrence now.

She walked to TEC. Right now he was in Detective mode.

TEC: The dame walked into my office, looked she had a case…but then most dames do.

I said DETECTIVE mode not annoying third-person private eye mode!

Tec: Whoops. All these moods, it's hard to keep em' straight!  
Peach: What do you want?

TEC: I wish you to speak with Grodus, the evil mastermind behind your kidnapping. I have opened an elevator. All you have to do is go in it and go right until you find him!  
Peach: Why?  
TEC: Because…I want you to do it! 01010111110000000111101010100001011100001!  
Peach: What was that?  
TEC: The binary equivalent of RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRR!

Peach: Right…shouldn't I have a disguise?  
TEC: No…everyone here is an unobservant fool, they won't notice. As long as you say "dude" a lot.

Peach: Okay…

She leaves and goes up the elevator. She goes to the right and passes an X-naut.

X-naut: Hey dude! What's up?  
Peach: Uh…nothing…

The X-naut starts to look suspicious…

Peach: Dude!  
X-naut: Okay!  
He walks away.

Peach: Whew!

She goes all the way to the right and enters the last room. It is large and Grodus is standing in the middle. Peach walks over to him.

Grodus: What do you want!  
Peach: I uh…dude…want to know why we're keeping the prisoner?  
Grodus: BECAUSE! We're not using her in some kind ritual where she is possessed by the spirit of an evil demon!  
Peach: Okay…dude.

Grodus: LEAVE!  
Peach: Okay! Uh dude!  
She starts to leave.

Grodus: Wait…why are your clothes pink?  
Peach: Uh…a dude…duded them?

Grodus: Okay!  
Peach: Whew!  
She goes back to TEC.

TEC: I'm depressed now. I don't want to talk to you.

Peach: YOU SCUMBAG! I just did that for you and now…now you won't even talk to me! I hate you!  
TEC: Okay. Go away.

Peach: You know what? I will! Just to spite you!  
She storms off.

TEC: Sigh…

What will happen next? Well probably more of the same…But the question remains…how does a recently hatched Yoshi have COMPLETE mastery of the English language and can fight like a pro? Makes you wonder what they do in those eggs…


	5. Chapter 4

Paper Bowser 2 and the Thousand Second Door Chapter Four: AAAAHHHHHHH! The Freaky Guy in the Sheet is…LOOKING at MEEEEEE!

After retrieving the third Crystal Star and taking a blimp back to Rogueport, Bowser and King go to the Door, do the map thing and discover that the next Star is in some kind of Steeple. Bowser and King go to Frankly to find out how to get there.

Bowser: How do we get there!

Frankly: You need to find the pipe in the west of Rogueport sewers!  
King: Why are we all yelling!  
Bowser and Frankly stare at him.

Bowser: We're not yelling.

Frankly: Yeah! What's your problem? MAPS!

King: Right…

Bowser and King go to the far right of Rogueport's sewers and find a brownish warp pipe. Bowser and King try to go down it but it spits them back up.

Bowser: What!  
King: Maybe we should talk to Frankly-

Bowser jumped in again. It spat him back out.

Bowser: GRRR!  
King: I don't think you can-

Bowser jumped in again. This repeated until Bowser got tired of it.

Bowser: Well King, contrary to what you said I don't think we can go down that pipe.

King: What!  
Bowser: We should probably talk to Frankly!  
King: But I said that!   
Bowser: DON'T ARGUE WITH YOUR KING, KING!  
King: Alright!

They go back to Frankly.

Bowser: We can't go down the pipe!  
Frankly: MAPS! Oh. Well there is a Twilight Town resident, that's where the pipe leads, behind my house.

Bowser and King go behind Frankly's house and see a telephone booth?

Bowser: What the? What's this doing here?  
King: I think that's the one that you threw off Glitzville.

Bowser: So it is! Well I guess the Twilighter isn't here…let's go back to the pipe, I have an idea…

They walk back to the pipe completely missing the dark hand waving furiously beside the booth…almost as if someone was under it…anyways once Bowser and King get back to the pipe Bowser grabs the pipe.

King: What are you doing?  
Bowser: Well it's the PIPE not the warp that's preventing us through right?

King: Yeah…

Bowser: Well then watch THIS!  
Bowser started to pull on the pipe. After much straining and effort he managed to yank it out!  
King: WOW! I didn't know that was possible!  
Bowser: Neither did I!

With the pipe gone a large hole was revealed. Jumping into it lead King and Bowser to…Twilight Town!

Meanwhile, with Mario…

After narrowly escaping from King, Mario got back on the blimp. It took him a while to find it as he thought it was in the item shop…but he found it anyways. As they took off and were flying over the ocean Mario noticed a strange noise…

Mario: Crikey!

Blimp Captain (BC): What is it Mario?

Mario ran to the back of the blimp and found a strange machine…

Mario: EVIL!  
BC: What! No! That's the engine!  
Mario yanked the engine out.

BC: Ah. AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

The blimp stopped for a second and then plummeted to the ground.

Mario: OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  
BC: You better believe it! NOW WE'RE GOING TO DIEEEEEEEEE!

Mario: Okeydokey!  
BC: And you're okay with that?  
Mario: Let's-a go!  
BC: Huh?  
Mario jumps out the window, into the ocean.

BC: GOOD IDEA!  
He jumps out too, just before the blimp crashes. Mario and BC paddle about in the ocean.

BC: Well what do we do now?  
Mario: Thank you very much for-a playing my game!  
BC: You make no sense!  
Mario: Okeydokey!

BC: It's your fault we're here!  
Mario: OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  
BC: Yes it is!  
Mario dives under the water.

BC: Hey! Get back here!

He follows. Mario and BC travel through a underwater passage full of fish and other such vicious creatures. After a while they break to the surface of a small cavern. They clamber onto a small patch of rock by a sign leading to a warp pipe. BC is about to go in it when Mario grabs him.

BC: AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH! What ARE you doing!  
Mario: Woohoo!

Mario throws him at a Jelectro in the water.

BC: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! SHOCKING!  
Mario jumps in the pipe. BC manages to extricate himself from the creature.

BC: I'm going to-AAAAHHHHHH!  
A Cheep Cheep jumps out of the water and smacks him on the head…

Back to Bowser…

Bowser and King appear out of a pipe in a dark town…with equally goth-like residents.

King: Strange…

A large quantity of pigs were about snuffling and…pigging as pigs normally do. A Twilighter walked over.

Twilighter: Oh you MUST help us!  
Bowser: Help you what?  
Twilighter: Oh…you MUST speak with Mayor Dour! He's over there!  
The person points to a house. Bowser and King go there. Inside an aged Twilighter resides.

Mayor Dour: Oh thank you for agreeing to help us!  
Bowser: But I DIDN'T agree!  
Dour: Hmm? Oh yes…I guess you didn't…

King: Look, what is the problem?

Dour: We are CURSED!  
Bowser and King look hesitant and start to back towards the door.

Dour: No, you fools! The curse can't be passed on! Don't worry!  
Bowser and King look relieved.

Dour: Upon entering our town you already ARE cursed!  
Bowser and King look freaked.

Dour: Just kidding!

Bowser: Stop messing with us and tell us HOW you're cursed!

Dour: Fine…fine, trying to ruin my fun. Well up at the steeple lives a person named Doopliss…and every time he rings the bell there one of us is turned into a pig! Or possibly a small squirrel…

King: That's a weird curse.

Dour: Yes! Apparently he got the power to do this from some kind of shiny star…

Bowser: A Crystal Star?  
Dour: NO! A shiny star…it glitters!  
King: That would be a Crystal Star.

Dour: Oh I know! It's a Crystal Star!  
Bowser: That's great. You stay here and get turned into a pig and we'll grab the Star.

Dour: And stop the curse too right?  
Bowser: Well…we WILL get the Star…but you might have to wait on the curse.

Dour: Oh fine! The way to Creepy Steeple is to the east…

King: Thanks!

They leave.

Dour: Now what was I doing? Ah yes! Pigs! Come out!

He whistled and a secret passage opened revealing a ton of pigs.

Dour: This curse is good for ONE thing…there's plenty to eat!  
The pigs upon hearing this freaked and tried to run. Dour grabbed one.

Dour: YOU are going to make some delicious bacon!  
A bell-like noise is heard.

Dour: Oh c-

He is surrounded by purple smoke. When it clears another pig has joined their ranks. Bowser and King have no problem passing by the gate…as it's guard has been turned into a pig. They pass a small shed. A voice calls out.

Voice: Hey! I'm in a black Chest and I need you to-

Bowser: Shut up. I'm not going to let you curse me.

Voice: Dang!  
Bowser and King keep going until they are blocked by some kind of green goomba.

Hyper Goomba (HG): HI! I'm HYPER! LA LA LA LA! SUPER charge ATTACK! YAY!  
The HG started charging. Bowser squished him. A Hyper Paragoomba and a Hyper Spiky Goomba hyperly ran past Bowser and King and slammed into tree.

Bowser: Now I remember why I don't let them into my army.

Eventually they reach a large log across their path. Bowser managed to roll it out of the way, squishing a black key that was there. Eventually they reach a large haystack.

Bowser: Hmm…

King: Maybe something's UNDER the hay-

Bowser: I know! You need to find a needle!

King: I don't think that's-

Bowser: FIND THE NEEDLE!

King: Fine!  
King dives in the haystack. After about three minutes he comes out.

King: There's some kind of pipe-

Bowser: Stop slacking! Get me my needle! I want to poke you!  
King: Great…hey how about you lift the haystack…and shake it around?  
Bowser: Sounds reasonable…

Bowser picks up the stack, revealing a warp pipe.

Bowser: You didn't see that!  
King: What! Yes I did!

Bowser: Its one thing not being able to find a needle in a haystack…but not being able to find a warp pipe in a haystack is just pathetic.

King: Fine. I'm pathetic. Let's just go.

They go in the pipe which takes them too…the woods. It's rather dark and creepy inside but Bowser stomps his way through. A small flower creature walks over.

Crazee Dayzee: I shall put you to sleep! LAAAAAAAA LA LA! I AM TONEDEAF!

Bowser: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! SHUT UP!  
Crazee Dayzee: You're mean! I'm getting my big brother!  
He runs away like only a flower can.

King: That was strange.

Bowser: I agree.

They continue through the woods but they are stopped on their way out by…

Crazee Dayzee: STOOOP!  
Bowser: What? You again?

Crazee Dayzee: I brought my big brother!  
A similar flower only this one glows golden comes skipping up.

Amayzee Dayzee: I'm AMAZING!  
Bowser: Right…just go away.

Crazee Dayzee (CD): Get him!  
The Amayzee Dayzee (AD) skips forward and taps Bowser. He goes flying back twenty feet.

CD: YAY! That'll teach him!  
They skip back to the woods singing loudly.

King: Wow…I can't believe they beat you…

Bowser struggles to stand up, groaning.

Bowser: Oof! Uh…they didn't beat me! I let them win!  
King: Sure. Man the great KING of the Koopas was beaten by a pair of flowers…

Bowser: Not true! Let's go!

Bowser takes one step forward…and collapses to the ground, unconscious.

King: Wow…those guys really beat him up. Maybe I should like mess with his tongue or put him in an embarrassing position before he wakes up…

King walked over to Bowser's head but Bowser's arm shot out and grabbed him.

King: AAAAHHHHHHHH!  
Bowser: I love you Peach!  
King: He's dreaming?

King glances at Bowser's closed eyes. Bowser draws him in as if to cuddle with him.

King: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH! Not that!  
King tries to break out of Bowser's grasp.

Bowser: Hmm? You can't be Peach…You must be Mario!  
King: Uh oh…

Bowser: DIE!

Bowser tries to smash King on the ground when King slips out…knocking Bowser's balance askew. He crashes to the ground. And wakes up.

Bowser: Wha? What happened?  
King: You tried to kill me?  
Bowser: Oh. Nothing important then.

King: Shut up! Let's just keep going.

They travel a bit, completely ignoring the Hyper Clefts (HC).

HC: Hey…I'm…HYP…ER!  
He slowly starts to walk toward Bowser and King.

King: What's wrong with you?  
HC: Didn't…have…any…coffee…today!  
King: Great…

Bowser and King pass him…and finally get to Creepy Steeple! It's a massive church like building with a creepy gate…leading to the creepy door…of the Creepy Steeple! Whoops! That sounded like Partners in Time! I hope Lord Drash didn't catch that!  
Lord Drash: I did.

Narrator: Uh…sorry?  
Lord Drash: Don't! It's a great idea for my next story…er…documentary of things that are actually happening…

Anyways Bowser and King enter the massive church. Inside they see a massive statue at the end. And on that statue is a…

Bowser: Crystal Star!  
King: Actually that's a…

Rock like representation of a Crystal Star! Bowser slams into the statue shattering it. Bowser then falls into the newly created hole.

Bowser: AAAAAAHHHHHH!

A splat noise is heard.

King: Uh oh…I better get him.

King blindly jumps in.

King: Perhaps I should have checked out the bottom first? AAAAHHHHHHH!  
King lands on Bowser's head.

Bowser: OW! Stupid minion!  
King: Sorry!  
Bowser: Let's just check out this tunnel.

They walk forward a ways until they get to a chest.

King: I don't think we should open that-

Bowser opens it. A humongous group of Boos fly out.

Bowser: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!

King: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!  
Boos: BOOOOOOOOOOOO!

They all leave through the tunnel. The last one floats over to Bowser and King.

Boo: How many of us came out of there?  
Bowser: Too many!  
Boo: Wrong!  
He starts to leave, but pauses.

Boo: Moron!  
He then flies out with the rest.

Bowser: Am not!  
King: Sure…

Bowser: Quiet you! Let's just find a way out of here!  
They look a bit until they find a large spring. King jumps on it and it carries him back up to the first floor. Bowser jumps on it. Nothing happens.

King: Maybe you're too heavy!  
Bowser: Are you saying I'm FAT!  
King: Yes. Try jumping!  
Bowser: Like that would work!  
Bowser jumps up. As he does the spring flies up, knocking him back up to the first floor and causing him to slam into the ground up there.

King: Told you so!

Bowser: Yeah…yeah…shut up.

Bowser gets up. As he does all the Boos reveal themselves.

Boos: BOOOOOOO!  
Bowser: AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!

They surround him. Bowser flames them away. They try again and Bowser flames them again!

Boos: GRRRRR! How dare you defend yourself! MERGE!  
All the Boos fly into each other to create a HUGE Boo!  
Atomic Boo: HA HA HA!  
Bowser: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!  
The Atomic Boo (AB) shoots off a bunch of little Boos. King deflects them.

AB: You seem to be powerful…but can you stop this?  
AB covers his face…and then uncovers it while sticking his tongue out!  
AB: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Bowser: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!  
While AB laughs King jumps on AB.

AB: ACK! I've been damaged! RUN AWAY!  
He disappears.

Bowser: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! He's gone!  
King: Why is that scary?  
Bowser: It's not.

King: So why were you yelling?  
Bowser: Because I will conquer all!  
King: Great.

They travel through a door reaching a room with what appears to be a moveable staircase.

King: I bet we need to find a switch or-

Bowser pushes the staircase to the right.

King: Or you can do that.

They go up it to reach the higher part of the first floor. They come to a locked door which Bowser easily knocks down. They then come to a long spiraling staircase. They go up it and reach the top…of Creepy Steeple! At the top is a TV, a chair and other various junk. Sitting on the chair is a strange freaky guy in a white sheet with eyeholes and a party hat.

Doopliss: ACK! You found my place Slick!

Bowser: So you're Doopliss!  
Doopliss: That's right! But you'll never guess my name!  
King: Uh…Doopliss?  
Doopliss: Wrongo! What kind of parent would name their kid THAT?

Bowser: Yours?

Doopliss: Ha ha. Very funny.

King: Give us your Crystal Star!  
Doopliss: No way! With it I can curse people!  
Bowser: So?  
Doopliss: Prepare to be…HEADBUTTED!

He flies in the air and then tries to crash onto Bowser. Bowser catches him and throws him onto the ground.

Doopliss: You're pretty tough slick! But can you beat this!  
Doopliss turns into a shadowy version of Bowser.

King: Weird.

Doopliss breathes some shadow flames on King.

King: ACK!  
Bowser: How dare you breathe fire!

Doopliss: Oh I dare!

They charge into each other. Bowser easily pushes Doopliss to the ground and stomps. A massive explosion ensues. The shadow Bowser appears to be unconscious.

"Bowser": I won! Let's go Slick!  
King: What?  
"Bowser" who is so obviously Doopliss: I'm Bowser! I did NOT switch bodies with myself…er CONQUER!

King: Okay!

They leave. The REAL Bowser on the floor starts to stir…

Meanwhile, with Luigi…

After a while Luigi's boat landed on Circuit Break Island! Luigi, Blooey and Jerry got off. Luigi managed to escape his hunger by running very fast…er…not. Luigi discovered that by throwing Jerry in the ocean and having him explode would kill a ton of fish. Then he merely had Blooey fly by and grab them. They would then speed away, until they remembered the frantically swimming Jerry, which they would then stop for. They did this numerous times. As the gang touch down, what appears to be a rocket powered kart flies by, nearly whacking Luigi. A koopa soon appears.

Koopa: Whoops! Sorry about that!  
Luigi: What's wrong with you!  
Koopa: I was in a race! I fell and my kart went BOOM!  
Luigi: A race?  
Koopa: Yeah! Over there! The prize is some kind of shiny COMPASS piece!  
Blooey: I wanna race!  
Luigi: Shut up! Why did you emphasize COMPASS?

Jerry: Luigi! Obviously it's a piece of the Marvelous Compass!  
Luigi: Oh. Then I guess we must enter the race and win!  
Blooey: Oh thank you Luigi!  
Luigi: I'm not doing it for you!  
Blooey: You're just saying that!  
Luigi: No I'm not!

Blooey: You're just saying that too!  
Luigi:…Shut up!

They go to the kart racing arena, just in time for the match to end. A Waffler won the cup. Doesn't matter though as in two hours an entirely different person will have won, meaning the whole thing is rather pointless. The group walk around for a bit trying to figure out how to get a kart when a green Spike Top, with a wrench instead of a spike ran up to them.

Torque: Hi! I can tell you need a kart!

Luigi: How?

Torque: I have a wrench!  
Luigi: Great. Do you have a kart we can use?  
Torque: Sure! I'll let you use it free of charge!

Luigi: Why?  
Torque: Because I'm joining your group!  
Luigi: You are?  
Torque: Oh thank you for saying I can!  
Luigi: But I never did-

Jerry: Actually you did.

Blooey: Yeah, you said "You are".

Luigi: But it was a question!  
Jerry: Doesn't matter now.

Luigi: Fine. You can join.

Torque: YAY! Let me show you my kart!

He takes them to the side of the arena. A green (duh) kart, sat there with a rocket engine in the back.

Torque: Let me show you the controls. This is the gas, this is the acceleration, this is the booster and this is the rocket engine!  
Luigi: You just told me four ways how to go faster.

Torque: Yep!  
Luigi: But you didn't say anything about brakes or steering.

Torque: Brakes? Steering?

Luigi: Right…

Torque: Don't worry about that! The race is starting! Come on! Get in!  
Torque jumps in the kart. Luigi, Blooey and Jerry push it to the line, by seven other similar karts. Luigi then jumps in.

Torque: Get ready to drive!  
Luigi: Me! But YOU made it!

Torque: Yes, but my arms aren't long enough!

Luigi: Fine!  
Luigi gets in position as the bell goes off. All the racers go flying forward.

Luigi: This is fast!  
Torque: Not yet it isn't!  
After a bit Luigi spotted an obstacle.

Luigi: Uh…Torque?  
Torque: Yes?  
Luigi: There is a BIG wall in front of us!  
Torque: So?  
Luigi: What do I do!  
Torque: Uh…go faster?  
Luigi: What! How is that supposed to help?  
Torque: I don't know!  
Luigi and Torque get closer and closer to the wall…

Luigi: Forget this! I'm jumping!  
Torque: Me too!

Both Luigi and Torque jump out of the kart. It crashes into the wall a millisecond after the person in front.

Announcer: We have a winner!  
A Goomba went up to receive his prize.

Luigi: Shoot! Now what?  
Jerry and Blooey walk over.

Jerry: Steal it?  
Blooey: I like stealing!  
Luigi: Sounds good to me!  
Torque: I have a wrench!  
Luigi: Great…

They run up and grab it!  
Announcer: We appear to have a problem!  
Luigi takes the compass piece off the trophy.

Announcer: Security! Get them!  
Luigi throws the trophy at the security guards, making them trip.

Luigi: Let's get out of here!  
They all run back to the boat. Luigi puts the compass piece in. The voice begins talking again.  
Voice: I am Princess Éclair!  
Luigi: Really?  
Voice: YES! Now go to the east, to Jazzafraz Town!  
Luigi: I don't think you're really the prin-

Voice: HURRY UP AND RESCUE ME!  
Luigi: Okay.

They go.

Meanwhile, at Twilight Town…

The three Shadow Sirens are by some bushes in the corner of the recently uncursed town.

Beldam: So, do you really think Bowser is going to be here?  
Marilyn: GUH HUH! FUH TUH!

Beldam: Okay…

Vivian: Hey! Help me find the Superbombomb!

Beldam: I'm telling you sis! There is no Superbombomb! You made it up! It's NOT real!  
Vivian: Yes it is!  
Beldam: Whatever. Marilyn and I are going to check out some of these incredible doors!  
Vivian: Fine! But I get all the credit!  
Marilyn: RUH DUH!  
Vivian: I do!  
Beldam and Marilyn leave.

Vivian: Stupid sisters…

Back to Bowser…

Bowser, in his new shadow body gets up.

Bowser: Grr…hey? Why am I all shadowy? That Doopliss! He must have painted me!  
Bowser angrily runs all the way through, the steeple and Twilight Trail. Just before he gets to Twilight Town the sky opens up and "Bowser" comes out.

Bowser: You painted me all shadowy! And stole my Stars and my minions!  
Doopliss: "Painted"? I stole your body! Your partners think I'm YOU!   
Bowser: Where are they?  
Doopliss: Uh…in my shell?  
Bowser: I CHALLENGE YOU!

Doopliss: Ha ha! You must guess my name, otherwise you can't win!  
Bowser: It's Doopliss!  
Doopliss: NO! Using this board!

He holds out a rectangular board with capital and lowercases of all letters, EXCEPT the spot for a lowercase p is MISSING!  
Bowser: Uh…you're missing a piece.

Doopliss: Am not.

Bowser: Fine. I'll just use all caps.

Bowser uses the board to print out DOOPLISS.

Doopliss: What? What kind of parent would name their kid THAT, Slick?  
Bowser: Did I mention I hate you?  
Doopliss: Once or twice. Prepare to DIE!  
Doopliss charges at Bowser, and slams him into a tree.

Bowser: Grr…it'll take more than that to beat ME!  
Bowser unleashes a flame breath…which just bounces off Doopliss.

Bowser: What!  
Doopliss: If you don't know my name, you can't hurt me! HA HA HA!  
Bowser: But I do know your name!

Doopliss: Uh…no you don't!  
Bowser: Ugggh! I'm leaving!

Bowser runs away.

Doopliss: Huh. I'm going to hide in the sky again!

He jumps back up in the hole in the sky. The hole disappears. Bowser reaches Twilight Town. Several residents run up to him.

Twilighter: That Bowser guy saved us!  
Twilighter 2: Yeah. We're no longer cursed!  
Bowser: Yes, I saved you!  
Twilighter: Sure…

Twilighter 3: The mayor is sure unhappy!  
Twilighter 4: He wanted to eat the pigs, but was cursed before he could! I feel bad for him…  
Bowser: Weren't YOU guys the pigs?  
Twilighter 5: Yeah…you're right! He tried to EAT us! Riot!  
They all run screaming to the Mayor's house.

Bowser: Whoops.

Bowser walked around a bit until he saw Vivian rummaging around the bushes.

Bowser: What are you doing?  
Vivian: Ah! Oh, a shadow guy!

Bowser: No, I'm-

Vivian: My sisters stink so I'm coming with you!

Bowser: You are?  
Voice: She is! Vivian can pull you into the shadows, which although is impossible makes as much sense as everything else in the strange Mario world! She can also stretch, whine complain, be very annoying and make you wonder how she can see with her hat and hair obscuring her eyes!

Bowser: What? Another minion?  
Voice: PARTNER! THEY'RE PARTNERS!  
Bowser: Sure…

Vivian: Quick! I told my sisters there was a Superbombomb around here, which there isn't! Let's get out of here! I HATE my sisters!  
Bowser: but shouldn't we get the Superbombomb?  
Vivian: There isn't one!

Bowser: Are you sure?  
Vivian: YES! Let's go!  
They leave. Beldam and Marilyn come out of a nearby house.

Beldam: Marilyn, I can't believe it. You're plan worked! We got rid of Vivian! YAY!  
Marilyn: BUH YUH!

Meanwhile Bowser and Vivian walk back out of Twilight Town. Amazingly enough, Doopliss pops up!  
Doopliss: HA HA HA! I got you now Slick!  
Vivian: And you are?  
Doopliss: Uh…Bowser?  
Vivian: So YOU'RE Bowser! Prepare to die!  
She charges a fireball in her fist and punches him with it. There is no reaction.

Doopliss: HA HA HA! You see, unless you know my name I am invincible!  
Vivian: But you're Bowser, I know your name!

Bowser: No, I'm Bowser, he's Doopliss!  
Vivian: But if you're Bowser, then I have to kill you! But I can't! I'm your partner!  
Bowser: Minion.

Vivian: Whatever.

Doopliss: Actually since I stole his body, I also took his name too.

Vivian: So you're not Bowser?  
Bowser: No, I am!

Doopliss: No I am!  
Bowser: No you're Doopliss!  
Vivian: I'm so confused!  
Doopliss: Ha! Slicks, you couldn't beat me even if you found the basement of the Steeple, which is through the well by the entrance, and got the letter p, hidden by the parrot!  
Bowser: HA!   
Doopliss: Crud.

Bowser and Vivian run all the way back to Creepy Steeple.

Doopliss: I'm going to hide in the sky again!  
He does. Bowser and Vivian reach Creepy Steeple.

Bowser: Well I think that's the well!  
Vivian: That was a swell observation!  
Bowser: Yes, it was well!  
Vivian: I still can't believe I'm partnered with Bowser!  
Bowser: Minion.

Vivian: Whatever! Let's just go down the well!

They go down. Inside approximately twenty Buzzy Beetles attack them. However they soon realize that attacking Bowser's ankles is pointless, so they run away to grow taller. Or something.

Bowser: I should have kicked them.  
They come to a wall blocking their path. Bowser shatters it. Soon they come to a room with a parrot.

Parrot: You're dumb!  
Bowser: Am not!  
Parrot: The p is in the chest beneath me!  
Bowser: That's just rude!  
Vivian: No you idiot! The p-

Bowser: Silence! I'm having a conversation with an avian creature!  
Vivian: Idiot…

While Bowser has an argument with a bird Vivian takes the p from the chest.

Parrot: You fool! You're arguing with a creature whose brain is twice the size of yours!  
Bowser: Yeah? Well…what? I'm confused!  
Vivian: Come on, let's go.

Bowser: Fine…but I'm watching you Parrot!  
Parrot: Sure…

Bowser and Vivian go back to the town. Doopliss yet again bursts out from the sky.

Doopliss: Guess my name!

Bowser: I know it! We got the p!  
Bowser takes out the board, puts the p on it and writes out Dooliss!

Doopliss: That's not my name!  
Vivian: You didn't even use the p!  
Bowser: Whoops! Let me try again!  
Bowser then writes Dopliss!

Doopliss: Still not my name.

Vivian: Maybe I should-

Bowser: I can do it!  
Bowser types in Oopliss. This repeats for several hours. But it's said a goomba, given a typewriter will never type anything as they have no fingers. Or arms. But Bowser never gave up. Eventually Vivian types in Doopliss.

Doopliss: What! NOOOOOOOOOO! I am vulnerable! To the Steeple!

He runs away.

Bowser: I would have gotten it!  
Vivian: Shut up and follow him!  
They chase him all the way back to where they battled originally, the top of Creepy Steeple! Upon reaching the top Doopliss turns around and prepares for battle. Bowser and Vivian soon arrive.

Bowser: Give me back my body!  
Doopliss: No! I like it! It's all big and scary like!  
Bowser: You can't beat me! I crushed you last time!  
Doopliss: But now…I have minions!

King, Flurrie, Koops and Goombella appear.

Goombella: Uh…We're not supposed to all be out-

Doopliss: Silence Slick! Attack that shadow guy!  
Koops: You're not Bowser.

Doopliss: Of course I am! Slick.

Flurrie: Bowser doesn't say that.

Doopliss: Uh oh.

King: You stole his body!  
Vivian: Get him!

Goombella: Who are you?  
Vivian: Uh…a new partner?  
Koops: Okay!  
All five of Bowser's partners attack Doopliss. Soon he is completely crushed. Bowser gets back his body, and Doopliss turns back to his old self. He then dashes away. He leaves behind a Crystal Star that Bowser grabs.

Bowser: Gwa ha ha! Thanks!  
Flurrie: So now…can we stop being your minions?  
Bowser: No.

King: You said it would work Goombella!  
Goombella: I said wrong!

Koops: We trusted you!  
And so they continue to argue until Bowser makes King, Flurrie, Koops, and Goombella disappear. Vivian and Bowser hike back to Rogueport.

Meanwhile with Peach…

Yet again Peach enters TEC's room. This time he's in Quizmaster mode.

Peach: What do you want now?  
TEC: To ask you some QUUUUUEEEESSSSSSTTTTTIIIIOOOOONNNNNNSSSS!

Peach: Great…

TEC: First…what is behind the Thousand Second Door?

Peach: Never heard of it.

TEC: Wrong!  
Peach: Okay…

TEC: Next, who do you love the most?  
Peach: Mario.

TEC: Wrong!  
Peach: No it isn't!  
TEC: How many coins does you pet donkey have?  
Peach: I don't have a pet donkey!  
TEC: Wrong! How about-

Peach: Forget this.

She leaves.

TEC: One day, I'll win her over…and she shall be my motherboard!

So another Chapter ends…That's great! Only one question remains…Why IS Mario a hero? How does he do his things? Hmm…Only to not be answered next time!


	6. Chapter 5

Paper Bowser 2 and the Thousand Second Door Chapter Five: Sailing on the Sea! Attacked by Fire Spirits! Stabbed by Pointy Swords! Yo ho! A Pirate's Life for Me!

Bowser and Vivian make it back to Rogueport. They go to the Thousand Second Door, and use the Map to reveal the location of the next Star, a small island located in the middle of the sea!

Bowser: What! What kind of strange landmass is that!  
Vivian: I think it's an island-  
Bowser: What! That's impossible! No ISLAND could grow out there!  
Vivian: Um…islands don't grow-

Bowser: To Frankly! Maybe HE can explain this!

Vivian: I hate this guy.

They go to Frankly's who amazingly says-

Frankly: MAPS!

Bowser: No! Don't be stupid!  
Vivian: You're one to talk.

Bowser: What?

Vivian: Uh…Bowser rocks?  
Bowser: Okay!  
Frankly: Look as much as I appreciate you charging into my house, insulting me and then arguing I want you to tell me what you want.

Bowser: Can an island grow in the middle of the ocean?  
Frankly: Well…according to my map on the wall they can!  
Vivian: But islands don't grow!

Frankly: Do YOU have a map on the wall?  
Vivian: Well no, but…

Frankly: Then you are finished!  
Vivian: Finished from what?  
Bowser: QUIET! Frankly how do we get to this "island"?

Frankly: Well you need a boat, and there's a rich guy called Flavio with a boat in the town bar but-

Bowser: Okay bye!

He grabs Vivian and they run out.

Frankly: I was going to say he's rather grumpy after three Bob-ombs hit him in the head!

Bowser and Vivian reach the bar. They enter to see a rather twitchy dressed up rich man.

Flavio: Don't come near me!  
He grabs a bottle and shatters it, holding it out like a weapon. He backs into a corner.

Flavio: No one is going to get me! Ever since those bob-ombs fell on me I knew that YOU would come for me!  
Vivian: You're crazy.

Bowser: I want your BOAT!  
Flavio: Well too bad!

Bowser starts walking toward Flavio. Flavio swipes at him with the bottle, cutting his arm slightly. Bowser flames him.

Flavio: Okay…you can have the boat!

Bowser: And you're coming with us!  
Flavio: Sounds reasonable! Let me get the boat ready!  
Flavio runs out.

Vivian: Are you sure we can trust him?  
Bowser: Of course we can! Why wouldn't we?  
Vivian: Well he just went insane and babbled about people trying to get him.

Bowser: I don't see your point.

Vivian: Whatever.

They leave. They go to the docks where they discover Flavio has managed to procure a crew for his ship. Except he's missing one thing…

Flavio: Where is my sanity!  
Bowser: I don't know! Can we go?

Flavio: No. We still need a navigator as none of us know what we're doing.

Sailor: Actually I do-

Flavio: SILENCE!  
Bowser: Well…where are we supposed to find one?

Flavio: Apparently there is a bob-omb named Admiral Bobbery who can do it! He lives in the house on the east that has a sign on it saying "GO AWAY! THIS MEANS YOU!" Can you get him?  
Bowser: I guess…

Bowser and Vivian begin to leave when a strangely familiar person walks up to them.

Four-eyes: I am NOT Lord Crump!  
Bowser: Didn't say you were.

Four-eyes: Just making sure you knew that, considering I look act and talk like…what was I doing again?  
Vivian: Running into that wall?  
Four-eyes: Sounds good!  
He starts running into the side of the boat, over and over and over.

Bowser: Uh…let's get Bobbery…

They head over to his house. The door is locked but it doesn't take much for Bowser to bust it down. A bob-omb with an admiral's hat, a ship wheel for a turn crank and a large lustrous mustache is inside.

Bobbery: AHHHH! What are you doing in my house?

Bowser: We need you to steer a ship for me.

Bobbery: No…I vowed never to go on the ocean again after my Scarlette died.

Vivian: Did she die on the ocean?  
Bobbery: No…she died when I was out at sea. She got sick.

Vivian: So you decided to never go to the ocean again because…

Bobbery: It had nothing to do with it…I just wanted to blame something other than me.

Vivian: Well you COULD blame poor healthcare!

Bobbery: Why! You're right! Alright I love the sea again! I shall help you!

Bowser: Great. Let's go.

They start heading back towards the docks. Just as they pass the bar a voice calls out to them.

Ms. Mowz: Bowser baby!  
They all turn around to see Ms. Mowz on a platform leading to a "Lovely Howz of Badges" about ten feet in the air.

Bowser: Not you! I thought you were dead!  
Ms. Mowz: True love kept me alive!  
Bowser: Really? Who's your true love?  
Ms. Mowz: You!  
Bowser: Dang! Should have seen that coming.

Ms. Mowz: And now I shall come to you!  
She jumps off the platform.

Ms. Mowz: Why do I keep doing this! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!

She hits the ground and doesn't move.

Bobbery: Is she dead?

Bowser: No! Let's get out of here! Before she gets up…

They run to the dock and get on the boat. Ms. Mowz's fingers twitch…

Flavio: Excellent! You got us a navigator! Let's go!  
They leave, with Admiral Bobbery informing them the way to go. After three days of traveling in which everyone gets sick of Bowser's shouted demands and statements that he's going to CONQUER everything and everyone, they are REALLY looking forward to getting to the island which is known as Keelhaul Key. However soon before they get there a strange mist covers the ship…

Bowser: And then I shall conquer the Glitz Pit and Marrymore and-what's going on!  
Vivian: I don't know!

Flavio: It is the PIRATE GHOSTS!  
Bowser: Yeah right!  
Several blue fire spirits appear.

Bowser: Uh…oh…

Embers: KILL!  
They fly into the ship sending parts of it ablaze. The ship begins to sink.

Bowser: I shall never be able to conquer again!  
Vivian: Oh shut up!

Meanwhile, with Mario…

After falling out of the blimp Mario managed to reach the shore. After a bit of hiking he eventually came to Twilight Town. He has no clue where the Blimp Captain is. He lost him in the ocean. Upon reaching Twilight Town he doesn't see much going on, except a random X-naut. (Lord Crump is with Bowser…er…Four-eyes is with Bowser.)

Mario: Woo hoo!

X-naut: Whoa dude! What do you want?  
Mario: Let's-a go!  
X-naut: I'm supposed to call this in-

Mario: OH NOOOOOOOOOOOO!  
X-naut: Whoa! Hey don't yell at me, dude!  
Mario: Babies!  
X-naut: Dude…did you just call me a BABY!  
Mario: Okeydokey!  
X-naut: HOW DARE YOU!  
He rings up a ringer thinger. Dozens of X-nauts begin pouring out of houses.

X-naut 2: I bet he has a Crystal Star! GET HIM!  
Mario: Crikey!  
Mario runs. The X-nauts chase. Mario runs some more. The X-nauts continue chasing. This could go on for a while.

Back to Bowser…

Bowser and Vivian wash up on the shore of Keelhaul Key.

Bowser: Uh…hey! We're here!  
Vivian: What?  
Bowser: We made it to Keelhaul Key!

Vivian: How do you know?  
Bowser: That sign.

He points to a conveniently placed sign stating that they have indeed arrived at Keelhaul Key.

Vivian: Oh. I knew that.

Bowser: Come! Let us discover our shipwrecked companions!

Vivian: What makes you think they're here?  
Bowser: Lack of common sense!  
Vivian: Oh…wait, what?  
Bowser and Vivian go past some trees and see some kind of makeshift shanty town set up with the ruins of the boat. And standing there, giving orders to everyone is…

Flavio: YES! It's Bowser and the…purple person thing…yeah...you're ALIVE!  
Bowser: Yes…

Flavio: Great! Because three of the people with us is still missing, Four-eyes, Bobbery and Sailor 2. I believe they are lost in the jungle so you must find them!  
Bowser: Do they have a Crystal Star?  
Flavio: Uh…Yes?

Bowser: Then rescue them I shall!

Vivian: Right…

They go to the jungle. Inside they see Putrid Piranhas, Flower Fuzzies and Green Fuzzies, but they are all quickly flamed, stomped, or squished. Eventually they come to a bridge with the three missing crew mates. However they are pinned by three Embers!  
Bobbery: I say! I don't appreciate this!  
Four-eyes: HEY! It's Bowser! Rescue us!  
Bowser: How?  
Sailor 2: I don't know, squish them!

Bowser: They're on fire!

Vivian: Well maybe we could throw something at them-

Bowser: Great idea!  
He grabs her and whips her into an Ember, killing it.

Vivian: OW!  
The other Embers run off into the woods.

Bobbery: Save these guys! I shall take out those ruffians!

Bowser: But I can take-

Vivian: Oh shut up and put me down! He already left!  
Bowser: Fine!  
He puts her down. Sailor 2 and Four-eyes run back to camp. Four-eyes stops, turns and says to no one in particular-

Four-eyes: I am NOT Lord Crump!  
Vivian: Uh…who are you talking to?

Four-eyes: Not you!  
He runs away. Bowser starts to follow them.

Vivian: WHAT are you doing!

Bowser: Uh…going back to the camp?  
Vivian: What about Bobbery?  
Bowser: Eh…he's probably dead.

Vivian: Oh yeah…well what if he has a Crystal Star?  
Bowser: Then rescue him I will!  
He dashes off in the direction Bobbery went. Vivian follows. They see Bobbery lying on the ground by a pair of Embers.

Bowser: They killed him!  
Bobbery: I'm not dead!

Bowser: I shall avenge you!

He grabs Bobbery and slams the Embers with it, taking them out.

Bowser: Even in death he fights bravely!  
Bobbery: I'm not dead!  
Vivian: Bowser I don't think he's dead-

Bowser: Let's bury him!  
Both: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!  
Bowser: Well fine.

Bobbery: I'm not DEAD!  
Bowser: Ack! Bobbery! You're alive!  
Bobbery: Yes I am you insane turtle! Now let's go back to the camp!  
Bowser: Alright…

They go back to the camp. Flavio greets them.

Flavio: YAY! You're back! Now I shall take out this valuable gem and dance like an idiot!  
He takes out a large gem, in the shape of a skull and dances around.

Bowser: This is great and all but I WANT THAT CRYSTAL STAR!  
Bobbery: Well I saw something suspicious over where I was…

Bowser: And you didn't tell me then because?  
Bobbery: Uh…let me join your group?  
Bowser: A new minion! Of course!  
Voice: Bobbery joined your party! He can explode and…well that's about all he's good for!  
Bobbery: Shoot! Why did I ask to join!  
Bowser: Lead the way!  
Vivian disappears. Bobbery leads Bowser to a place with a pair of statues and a large wall with a sign in front of it saying that beyond the wall lies "Pirate's Grotto!"

Bowser: Blow up the wall!  
Bobbery: But it's so big!  
Bowser: BLOW IT UP!  
Bobbery: Fine.

Bobbery spends ten minutes exploding by the wall until Bowser gets bored and knocks it down. They then enter…Pirate's Grotto!

Meanwhile, with Luigi…

After a few days, Luigi, Blooey, Jerry and Torque touched down on Jazzafraz Town! The town was rather small; it was populated entirely by Dayzees. The houses were shaped like flowers, the sidewalk was shaped like flowers, and even the flowers were shaped like flowers!  
Jerry: Oh no! It's an entire town full of FLOWER PEOPLE!  
Luigi: Don't be ridiculous! I'm sure they're reasonably normal-

A Dayzee skips over.

Dayzee: Peace! LA LA LA!  
He skips away.

Torque: Let's get out of here!  
Luigi: Agreed.

They start to leave when a green Dayzee walks up to them.

Hayzee: Hey! I'm Hayzee!

Luigi: Uh great listen we need to go-

Hayzee: I'm a producer!  
Luigi: Good for you.

Hayzee: You're in my production!  
Luigi: That's nice-wait, WHAT!  
Hayzee: You're in my play!

Luigi: No I'm not. I'm looking for a compass piece.

Hayzee: But the compass is the prize!  
Luigi: Really! What's the play?  
Hayzee: "The Mystery of the Fiery Hat of Social Awareness!"

Luigi: What? I never heard of it.

Hayzee: It's a BIG hit over here.

Luigi: Fine. What part do I play?

Hayzee: You get to be grass!  
Luigi: Grass.

Hayzee: Yes, grass!  
Luigi: Like grass that grows on the ground?  
Hayzee: Yep!

Luigi: Fine.

Hayzee: Great! Now I want you to wear this!  
He holds up a gigantic sumo wrestler diaper thing. A GREEN one.

Luigi: Uh…not only will that not fit, but it also looks nothing like grass.

Hayzee: What are you saying!  
Luigi: I am not wearing that.

Hayzee: Then you're not going to get the Compass Piece!  
Jerry: Actually, we could just steal it…

Luigi: Sounds good!  
Torque: Let's steal it REALLY fast!  
Hayzee: Well, ok. I like that plan! I'll take you too it!  
He leads them for about five minutes until they come to a completely unguarded shiny Compass Piece lying on the ground.

Luigi: I'm sure it's protected-

Blooey: YAY!  
He grabs it. Nothing happens.

Torque: YAY! Let's throw it FAST!

Luigi: Or I can take it.

Luigi grabs it and attaches to the compass. Princess Éclair's voice calls out again.

Éclair: Now you must GO to Rapturous Ruins, in Grimble Forest, to the North.

Luigi: Fine. Let's go.

Hayzee: Hey, could I-

Luigi: (sigh) Join our group? Yes.

Hayzee: YAY! Marry me Torque!  
Torque: No.

Hayzee: YAY!

Luigi: This is going to be a LONG adventure.

Back to Bowser…

As Bowser and Bobbery enter the Grotto they see it is a dank and unpleasant place…

Bobbery: Hmm…it appears to be poorly lighted…

Bowser: Yeah and it's dark!  
Bobbery: I said that.

Bowser: Sure you did…

Bobbery: Already I hate you.

Bowser: Good for you!

They take a few steps forward…and fall into an abyss.

Both: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!  
They land on a spring, completely unharmed.

Bowser: Uh…I knew that.

Bobbery: So did I!

They enter the next area, a large place with wrecked ships and lots of water. A ghostly voice calls to them.

Voice: You are not allowed in here! Ooooooo!

Bowser: Why?  
Voice: Uh…give me a minute…I need to check in the manual! I'll be back in a bit!

Bobbery: Okay…

They travel a bit until they are stopped by some Bulky Bob-ombs (BB) and Lava Bubbles (LB)

LB: WE SHALL BURN YOU!  
BB: And we shall go BOOM!  
Bowser: Uh…I'm over there?  
He points at the BB's. They run around in confusion while the LB's throw themselves upon them, eventually causing them to explode.

Bowser: I didn't expect THAT to work.

They keep going until they come to a place with small holes in the ground. Bowser charged ahead.

Bobbery: Uh… I don't think this is-

A series of spikes shot up from the hole.

Bowser: OW!

Bobbery: I told you!

Bowser: Shut up! Maybe if I run really fast…

He ran and got about halfway through until the spikes shot up. He landed on top of them on his shell and they came down again.

Bowser: I know! Shell SHOT!

He goes into his shell and SHOT across the floor, reaching the other side.

Bowser: HA!  
Bobbery: Yes well, I'll just do this.

He goes to the side of the spikes and walks along the edge of the platform, managing to avoid pain.

Bowser: Jerk.

Bobbery: Fine.

They continue through the Grotto, avoiding many traps and foes until they come to a ruined ship with a large opening. Bowser goes in.

Bowser: Not again!  
It was yet ANOTHER of those accursed black chests.

Chest: Hey if you let me out…I'll reward you! Heh heh!  
Bowser: Forget this.

He grabs it and throws it into the water. The chest slowly sinks down to the bottom. Which isn't very deep considering the water is about a foot deep.

Chest: Hey, what'd you do! Oh no! This isn't watertight!

Bowser: Bye.

Bowser and Bobbery continue on their journey. After much traveling they came to a large room with many ship wrecked Toads standing on a platform. Bowser waded over to them.

Bowser: What are you doing here?  
Toad: Our ship crashed here through that hole several days ago!  
He points at a large hole leading to the outside and shore.

Bowser: Okay…but why are you still here?  
Toad 2: We can't swim!  
Bobbery: But you can walk through this water!

Toad 3: Don't be ridiculous! That's impossible!  
Bowser: We're doing it!

Toad 4: Hmm…so you are. You must be FREAKS!  
All the Toads start yelling out at Bowser and Bobbery, calling them freaks.

Bowser: Am not!  
Toad 5: Oh yeah! Prove it!  
Bowser: Fine!  
Bowser grabs one of the Toads and throws him in the water. He screams at first and then realizes he can stand up.

Toad 6: Hey guys! Guess what! We can wade through the water!  
Toads: YAY! Let's go!  
They all jump off and leave. The last one stops and looks at Bowser.

Toad 7: Why didn't you tell us that we could get out like that?  
Bowser: I DID!  
Toad 7: Yeah right! You were even less helpful then the guy with the shiny star, to the right!

He points at an entrance, then leaves.

Bowser: Shiny star! He must mean…Crystal Star! Let's go!  
Bobbery: Of course.

They go through the entrance, and discover a large black ship. They go on it. After traveling through a few rooms with lots of treasure they enter the back of the ship where a floating skull floats, surrounded by a mountain of treasure…and a Crystal Star!

Cortez: I am Cortez! Master of this ship! Why are you here!  
Bowser: We want your-

Cortez: My treasure! Ha! Don't be foolish amigos! I shall battle you!

Cortez turns into a tall skeletal creature with four hands and each one holds a pointy weapon.

Bobbery: Uh oh…

Cortez: Ha ha! Take THIS amigos!  
He stabs at Bowser who gets hit with glancing blows.

Bobbery: Why do you call us your "friends" if you keep attacking us!  
Cortez: What? What are you talking about?  
Bobbery: Amigo means "friend" in Spanish!  
Cortez: It does? Oh dear…I must be very confused…eh…DIE!  
He tries to stab them again. Bowser flames him.

Cortez: ACK! Time for form 2!

His arms merge with his body making him long and snake-like. He starts to glow.

Bowser: This can't be good!  
Cortez: Bone Shot!  
He shoots out a glowing bone. However it misses completely and bounces off an outcropping smacking Cortez again.

Cortez: Hmmm…you guys are good…but can you defeat…Form 3!  
Bowser: I guess…

His body disappears. He becomes a floating head with four floating weapons around him. He stabs Bowser and Bobbery with them.

Cortez: Ha ha ha!  
Bowser: HA! Now for my master plan!  
Cortez: What! Master plan!  
Bowser grabs Bobbery and throws him at Cortez. Cortez stabs him with all four weapons, and Bobbery hits Cortez's head and explodes.

Bobbery: OW!

Cortez: Ouch! Well…I COULD keep fighting but then this battle would never end as I can't die. So uh…let's call it a draw!  
Bowser: But I won, right?  
Cortez: NO! A draw means we got a tie!  
Bowser: Meaning I won?  
Cortez: NO! We both won!  
Bowser: But I won more, right?  
Cortez: NO! We both LOST! Now do you understand!  
Bowser: Yes.

Cortez: Finally.

Bowser: You LOST more.

Cortez: NOOOOOO-oh fine. You won.

Bowser: YAY!

Cortez: You may take any of my treasure.

Bowser: I want the STAR!  
Cortez: You want that? It's worthless…but okay.

Bowser takes the star.

Bobbery: What do you mean it's worthless? It opens the Thousand Second Door, which leads to infinite treasure and riches!  
Cortez: Eh…I'm dead. I don't care.

Bowser: How'd you know about the Door?

Bobbery: Uh…I LIVE in Rogueport…I think I might have heard about it!  
Bowser: Right…

They leave and head back to the camp. Once there they see everyone panicking.

Flavio: AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!

Bowser: What are you guys doing?  
Flavio: Four-eyes has flipped! He's on a ship shooting cannonballs at us!  
Bowser pauses for a minute. He hears the sound of a cannon being fired but there is only a loud splash, not a BAM as if the cannonballs were hitting the water.

Bowser: Why aren't any getting over here?  
Flavio: Oh…well he has bad aim and the balls keep falling in the water.

Bowser: So why are you freaking out?  
Flavio: Because I can. AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!

Bowser and Bobbery decide to ignore the psychos and head to shore, where they see Four-eyes on a ship run by X-nauts, with the X-naut logo out not to far on the sea.

Bowser: Four-eyes…why!  
Four-eyes: Why! Because I am NOT Four-eyes!  
Bobbery: Than who are you?  
Four-eyes: I am…uh…I am…Dang! I can't remember!

Bowser: Well maybe if you STOPPED SHOOTING CANNONBALLS AT US YOU-

Four-eyes: Ah yes! I am Lord Crump!

He spins around, tearing off his pirate garb and revealing Lord Crump's classic attire.

Bowser: No!  
Crump: Yes!  
Bobbery: Really?  
Crump: Perhaps!

Bowser: What do you want!

Crump: I want…uh…well gosh! I can't remember!  
Bowser: Maybe you want to GO AWAY?  
Crump: That might be it…no…wait! I want your Crystal Star!

Bowser: Forget it.

Crump: Really? Cause I REALLY wanted it.

Bowser: No.

Crump: Than prepare to face my wrath! FIRE!  
An X-naut runs up to him.

X-naut: Yes leader dude!  
The X-nauts line up the canons and fire…in the wrong direction.

Crump: What? Still alive!

Bobbery: You completely missed.

Crump: You guys are GOOD! Prepare to fire again!

Cortez: Not so fast!

Cortez's black ship, with his floating head at the front and Embers covering it, come gliding out of the Grotto!  
Crump: AHHH! Shoot it!  
X-naut 2: We're out of cannonballs!  
Crump: Than fire yourselves!  
X-naut 3: Okay duder!  
The X-nauts load themselves in the cannon and fire. For some reason they actually go in the right direction. It doesn't matter though as the Embers catch most of them and midair and send them flaming down to the ocean. The few that do hit though don't do any good. They get knocked out and fall into the sea. Soon all the X-nauts are gone.

Crump: AAAAAAAHHHHHHH! I shall escape!  
He turns his ship around and starts running away. Until it hits a rock and starts to sink. So he gets out a life boat and starts rowing away on that, until it hits a rock and starts to sink. So he gets out a boogie board and paddles away on that, until it hits a rock and starts to sink. He then swims out of their sight.

Bowser: Wow! Thanks Cortez!  
Cortez: No problem! It's the least I could do for you beating me!  
Bobbery: That doesn't make any sense-

Bowser: Shut up! Cortez could you give us a ride back to Rogueport?  
Cortez: Sure! Hop on!  
And so they leave for Rogueport. Flavio and the abandoned Sailors run out.

Flavio: HEY! RESCUE US!  
Sailor: You idiot! We missed them!  
Flavio: Well I'm sure we can make a living here!  
Sailor: Get him boys!

Flavio: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!

Meanwhile, with Peach…

TEC again called for Peach. He was now in just plain weird mode.

TEC: I wish for you to get me a very important data disk from Grodus's stuff!

Peach: All right, I got nothing else to do so-

TEC: And you must make an invisibility potion so they can't see you!  
Peach: What!  
TEC: And in order for it to work you must take your clothes off!  
Peach: Pervert!  
TEC: You'll be invisible.

Peach: Oh. Well how about I just pretend I'm not there…it might work!  
TEC: Well…okay. Give it a try!  
She leaves. She heads towards Grodus's office. An X-naut stops her.

X-naut: Dude? Aren't you supposed to be captured?

Peach: Uh…I'm not here?  
X-naut: Oh! Sorry.

Peach: Can't believe that actually worked.

She gets to Grodus's office and finds a box of data disks. She picks one at random and goes back TEC.

TEC: Thanks! That's just the one I wanted! Now go back to your room.

Peach: What? No thanks?  
TEC: I DID thank you.

Peach: Sure…see you later!  
She leaves. TEC uploads the Data.

TEC: Oh good! It's PONG! I love PONG!

What will happen next time! There are only THREE chapters left! By the way, how does Cortez steer with no hands? And what mysterious force compels people to join Bowser? Hmm…only time will not tell.


	7. Chapter 6

Paper Bowser 2 and the Thousand Second Door Chapter Six: Let's ride the FREAKISHLY Expensive Train so we can get attacked by CLOUD THINGS! YAY!

Bowser and Bobbery managed to make it back to Rogueport. They head down to the Door, and do the Map thing. The next Star is revealed to be at a place that looks unremarkable, so they head to Frankly's.

Frankly: MAPS!  
Bowser: Yes…I own a map.

Frankly: Okay. As long as that is cleared up.

Bowser: How do I get to this place?  
Frankly: Ah! Poshley Heights! You must ride the Excess Express, in the west of Rogueport, by the Blimp. The only tickets you can get are from Don Pianta.

Bobbery: Wouldn't that put a limit on passengers?  
Frankly: You'd think that…but no.

Bowser: Come on, let's go!

They go to where Don Pianta lives. He is very happy to see him.

Don: Yes! I need a favor!

Bowser: You do?  
Don: Yes! My daughter and her friend are missing! I want yous to find dem!

Bobbery: Is that them there?  
He gestures towards two Piantas lying knocked out on the floor.

Don: Why so it is! Do yous want anyting?

Bowser: Tickets to Excess Express?  
Don: Done!

He gives them the tickets.

Bobbery: Well that was startlingly simple.

Bowser: Yeah, and it was easy.

Bobbery: I said that-oh forget it.

They head out of the Don's lair. Once out there they were stopped by Beldam!  
Beldam: Ha ha ha! We're going to get that Crystal Star first!  
Bowser: So! This is revenge for taking Vivian with me!  
Beldam: What? No! We wanted her with you! We hate her.

Bowser: You're just saying that. Deep down, you really miss her.

Beldam: No.

Bowser: Yes.

Beldam: SHUT UP! We're GOING to get that STAR!  
She disappears.

Bowser: Poor delusional shadow creature.

Bobbery: Right…let's just go.

They get to the Train and get on it. A Toad shows them their cabin, Cabin 5. The train takes off…for its three day journey.

Bowser: WHAT! I'm going to be stuck on this stupid train for THREE DAYS! KILL!

Meanwhile, with Mario…

Mario managed to avoid the X-nauts, and he somehow managed to make it to Rogueport. He wandered around, not sure what to do until he saw a large hole by the west side. Being Mario he jumped in.  
Mario: Woohoo!  
He turned up in a strange cave. It had various training equipment around it such as treadmills and barbells. Mario was entertaining himself by destroying them until Rawk Hawk fell from the hole.

Hawk: AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! What are you DOING!

Mario: Whee!  
Hawk: Prepare to be RAWWWWWWWWKED!

He dived at Mario who skillfully jumped out of the way, causing him to crash into a wall and got knocked out. Mario then jumped out of the hole. What to do next?

Back to Bowser…

After Bowser got over his grumpiness about the long train ride he decided to actually go into his cabin. Inside was a letter.

Bobbery: Check it out! A letter!

Bowser: Maybe it's for me!

He opens it. The letter says "You better do what I want…or I'll get you sticky!"  
Bobbery: It's a threat!  
Bowser: Yeah…a pretty pathetic one though.

Bobbery: Yes…that is sad. Let's take it to the conductor; he might know who it is!  
Bowser: Or I could flame everyone on the train!  
Bobbery just stares at him.

Bowser: Or not. Let's go to the conductor!

They go to the conductor (who for some reason was standing just to the outside of their cabin) and show him the note.

Conductor: Hmm…this IS a dilemma.

Bowser: So? Can I flame everyone?

Conductor: Ha ha! Such a joker! No, don't worry; I'll get to the bottom of this!  
Bobbery: Shouldn't you like be conducting?  
Conductor: Good point! I shall meet you at the shop!  
He leaves.

Bobbery: Is he insane?

Bowser: Most likely.

Bobbery: Do you want to…like…follow him?  
Bowser: All right.

They go to the west of the train, until they get to the Dining Car. A considerable crowd has built up around the cooking area. An important looking penguin with a magnifying glass begins to speak.  
Pennington: I know EXACTLY who did this! Zip Toad! The Toad Popstar!

Zip: No.

Pennington: Dang! I'll have to try again!  
Chef Shmi: I want my hot!  
Bowser: What?  
Shmi: Pot!  
Bowser: Why?  
Shmi: Someone stole it!

Bobbery: Really?  
Shmi: I can't speaken English right!

Bowser: Okay…

Shmi: I want to get HIT!  
Bowser: Okay.

He smacks him.

Shmi: Ow! What for?  
Bowser: You asked!  
Shmi: FIND MY POT!  
Bobbery: Okay!

Bowser and Bobbery walk away. They see some soup stains on the floor.

Bowser: Soup stains!  
Bobbery: How'd you know?  
Bowser: Uh…magic?  
Bobbery: Sure…

They follow the stains to cabin 3. Inside an immensely fat Toad, with a fork and a spoon waits.

Fatty: Hey! Get out of here!  
Bowser: Where is the POT!  
Fatty: Uh…pot? You want the pot? YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE P-

Bobbery: Shut up.

Bowser: It must be around here somewhere…

They start looking around.

Fatty: I don't have it! And don't check in the nightstand!  
Bowser: Alright…just to spite you…I WON'T! HA!

Bobbery: Idiot.

Bobbery checks the nightstand. He finds the pot. It is completely empty.

Fatty: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Bowser: What?  
Fatty: It's EMPTY!  
Bobbery: THAT'S BECAUSE YOU ATE THE SOUP!

Fatty: Oh.

Bowser: Thief. I should FLAME you…

Bowser starts walking towards Fatty.

Bobbery: No! Don't do it!

Bowser: Why would it be "wrong"? Ha!  
Bobbery: No, he would just stink really badly if you set him on fire. Blubber doesn't burn nicely.

Fatty: Hey! I'm standing here!  
Bowser: Yeah and just be grateful you're not RUNNING instead!  
Fatty: Huh?  
Bowser: Running around screaming with your head on fire! HA HA!  
Bobbery: That stunk.

Fatty: Don't hurt me!  
Bowser: Come on, let's take the pot back.

They head back to Shmi. Fatty huddles in a corner terrified. Shmi is very excited to see the pot.

Shmi: You eat my poop!  
Bowser: What?

Shmi: Poop! In the Pot! I made poop and put it in the pot!

Bobbery: What the heck are you talking about!

Bowser: You're SICK!  
Shmi: What! Why! It's a Poop-pot!

Bobbery: Oh…you mean SOUP pot.

Shmi: Yes! English not my first language! I butcher English!

Bowser: Yeah, with a sharp pointy knife.

Shmi: What?  
Bowser: Uh…we got your pot back?

Shmi: Yay!

Bowser: Great. Now what do I do?  
Shmi: You should talk to that penguin guy! He lives in Habin, I mean CABIN 6!

Bobbery: Eh…we have nothing else to do.

So they walk to Cabin 6. Inside the important penguin is excited to see them.

Pennington: Ah, so YOU found the pot?

Bowser: Uh…yes. How'd you know?  
Pennington: I am a detective!  
Bowser: Ah.

Bobbery: What! That doesn't explain ANYTHING!

Bowser: Ignore him.

Pennington: Will do! Now let me guess your name…hmm…Luigi?  
Bowser: Uh…no. It's B-

Pennington: Britney?

Bowser: NO! It's Bowser!  
Pennington: Bowser?

Bowser: Why…yes! How'd you guess?  
Pennington: Detective.

Bowser: Of course.

Bobbery: Right…

Pennington: Because of your great skills I have decided to let you be my assistant!  
Bowser: Assistant? You mean BOSS!  
Pennington: Sure. (Not really but maybe in your deluded mind!)

Bowser: YAY! Wait…I heard that! Who's deluded!  
Pennington: Why, I am!  
Bowser: Oh.

Bobbery: You're both insane-

Pennington: Now go to Cabin 8 and speak with the Bob-omb family there, they seem suspicious!

Bowser: Sounds reasonable!

Bobbery: Not really…but whatever.

Bowser: You know I'm starting to dislike your attitude…

Bobbery: Oh yeah? What are you going to do about it?

Bowser: Switch you out!  
Bobbery: NOOOOOOOO!

He disappears. Goombella appears.

Goombella: YAY! I'm free! Thank you!  
Bowser: Shut up. Now I ne-

Goombella: Oh don't worry about that. I can hear everything that's going on while I'm in your…pocket.

Bowser: But I don't have pock-

Goombella: Let's go!

They go. They soon reach Cabin 8 and go inside. They see a familiar sight…

Goldbob: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! YOU!  
Bowser: What?  
Sylvia: Kill HIM!  
Bub: SAVE ME DADDY!  
Goombella: Uh oh…these are the Bob-ombs you threw off Glitzville…

Bowser: They are?  
Goldbob: YES! GO AWAY!  
Bowser: Or what!  
Goldbob: I'll huddle in a corner and cry like a baby!

Sylvia: It's true! He will!  
Bowser: Okay…let's leave…

They leave. The Bob-ombs stay in their cabin for the rest of the ride. Bowser and Goombella decide to go back to Pennington.

Bowser: Uh…they didn't seem suspicious-

Pennington: I agree! However I heard that the conductor has come up one blanket short!  
Bowser: I don't care.

Pennington: But he ALWAYS carries the right amount for the passengers, so this means there is a STOWAWAY on board!

Goombella: Or he counted wrong.

Pennington: Don't be ridiculous! Now I believe that the stowaway might be in Cabin 4! Go there and root him out!  
Bowser: Okay!

Goombella: Why do you believe that he's in 4?  
Pennington: Because it's half of eight!

Goombella: Okay…

They go to Cabin 4. No one is inside.

Bowser: No one's here.

Goombella: I guess he was wrong-

Bowser: Maybe someone's under the bed!  
He lifts the bed up and smashes it. No one is there.

Bowser: Maybe under the dresser!  
He lifts it up and smashes it as well.

Bowser: Hmm…maybe under the-

A ghostly Toad appears.

Ghost: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!  
Bowser: Ah. A ghost.

Goombella: That's it? Aren't you terrified?  
Bowser: Not really. He's just a Toad.

Ghost: I'm still here! What are you DOING!

Bowser: Trying to find the stowaway who took the blanket.

Ghost: Oh. That would be me.

Goombella: Why do you need a blanket? You're dead.

Ghost: Well…it gets kind of cold…

Bowser: Well at least we know it was you.

Bowser and Goombella prepare to leave.

Ghost: Wait! Since you destroyed my room you must find my diary!  
Bowser: Why don't you go get it?  
Ghost: Well I can't leave the room!  
Goombella: Then how did you get the blanket?  
Ghost: Uh…um…

Bowser: Bye!  
Ghost: NOOO!  
They leave. The ghost cries in a corner. They get back to Pennington.

Pennington: Oh good you're back! Did you find the stowaway?  
Bowser: Yeah, it was just a ghost.

Pennington: Oh HIM.

Goombella: You know about him?  
Pennington: No, I just thought saying it like that would make me look smarter.

Bowser: It doesn't.

Pennington: Yes, yes but we have more important things to do, Toodles in Cabin 2 is missing a gold ring and the waitress in the Dining Car is missing her Shell Earrings. However before you find them you should go to bed as it is late. Plus you'll be unable to find them until tomorrow for some as yet unexplained reason.

Bowser: Fine.

They head back to their room and go to bed.

Meanwhile, with Luigi…

Luigi's ship touched down by Grimble Forest. Luigi, Torque, Hayzee, Blooey and Jerry all started walking through it trying to find Rapturous Ruins. They walk for a bit until Blooey gets bored and tries to play with Torque, who thinks everyone is moving to slow.

Blooey: YAY! You can't catch me!  
Torque: Oh yes I can!  
Blooey starts floating away. Torque slowly stumbles after him until Blooey is about twenty feet away.

Blooey: Man you stink!  
Torque: Oh yeah! Stink this!  
Torque disappears.  
Luigi: Wha!  
He reappears on top of Blooey.

Blooey: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!

Torque brings Blooey crashing to the ground.

Jerry: Okay…how did you DO THAT!  
Torque: What? I just went FAST!

Hayzee: Wow! This would be great for my play-

Luigi: Whatever. Torque, that was amazing…but don't do it again as I find it rather creepy.

Torque: Well…okay.

Blooey: That was awesome! Do it again!  
Torque: Okay!  
He disappears and reappears fifty feet away.

Luigi: Stop it!

Torque: Fine!

They continue traveling through the sparse forest. Soon the five reached a large white domed building. Luigi opened the small door…and they were amazed!  
Jerry: Amazing!  
The building was entirely white inside. They had no clue how large it was, or even where the walls were. The only thing they could see that wasn't white was a small pale sleeping boy. Seeing no better option they walked towards him. Suddenly out of nowhere a creature that sort of looks like a flaming cream puff runs out in front of them.

Screamy: SCREAM!

Luigi: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!  
Jerry: BOOM!  
Torque: SPEED!  
Blooey: WHEEE!  
Hayzee: I'M NOT RICH!  
Everyone looks at Hayzee.

Hayzee: What? It's true!  
Luigi: Right…who are you!  
Screamy: I am SCREAMY!  
Luigi: Ow…can you stop screaming!  
Screamy: SURE!

Jerry: Like now?  
Screamy: Oh…well I guess…

Luigi: What kind of creature are you?  
Screamy: Me? Well I'm SCREAMY the ?.

Luigi: You're a question mark?  
Screamy: No, I'm three!

Luigi: I'm confused.

Jerry: Yeah? Well you look like some kind of deformed pastry to me.

Screamy: OKAY!  
Luigi: Stop that! Alright…who is that kid?

Luigi points at the STILL sleeping kid who isn't to far away.

Screamy: Oh that? That's Cranberry. He's the last remaining member of the Luffs. I think. He's been sleeping like that for centuries…or eons…or weeks!

Luigi: Right…

Screamy: Yep…and he shall only awaken if the true hero of all time comes to him.

Luigi: Okay…

Screamy: Plus he has a piece of something called the Marvelous Compass.

Luigi: What! Really!  
Screamy: Yeah.

Luigi ran over to the kid and started patting him, trying to find the piece. The kid's eyes open.

Cranberry: What are you doing?  
Luigi: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!  
Screamy: He has AWOKEN!  
Cranberry: Are you the legendary hero?  
Luigi: Sure.

Cranberry: Then you must be Mario! I'm supposed to give him this compass piece!  
Luigi: What! How do you know about-wait…uh…sure!  
Cranberry: Great! Except…Mario is supposed to be wearing red…not green…

Luigi: Uh…Laundry trouble.

Cranberry: Oh, okay!

He produces a Compass Piece out of nowhere and starts to hand it to Luigi. He stops.

Cranberry: You know…I think Mario's brother Luigi, wears green.

Luigi: Yeah, he does.

Cranberry: Hmmph…are you SURE you're Mario and not Luigi?  
Luigi: Yeah…

Cranberry: Good! Because Luigi is such a LOSER! I mean can you get any more pathetic than that wimp? Honestly he is-ACK!  
Luigi smacks him in the head, knocking him out. He takes the Compass Piece.

Screamy: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! You hit Cranberry!  
Luigi: So?  
Screamy: So can I join your group?  
Luigi: (sigh) I guess.

Screamy: YAY! SCREAM!  
Luigi: Ugh.

He attaches the piece to the rest of the Compass! It is now only missing one piece! Princess Éclair's voice emanates from it.

Éclair: Now you must travel to the North, where Hatesong Tower is…and RESCUE ME!

Luigi: And then I'm done right?  
Éclair: YES!

Luigi: Alright…let's go!  
Screamy: YAY!  
Blooey: I'll get there first!  
Torque: No you won't!  
Jerry: Why is almost everyone I'm with completely insane?  
Hayzee: If I make a play on this…I'll be rich!  
They leave…for the final part of their quest!

Back to Bowser…

Bowser wakes up on Day 2 of the train ride. He and Goombella head over to Pennington who is talking to a Ratooey Businessman named Gloob. I think. Oh I don't know his name I'm just guessing!  
Gloob: So that's what happened!  
Pennington: Interesting…Ah! Bowser you're here! Great!  
Bowser: What's going on?  
Pennington: Well this man here has had his suitcase stolen!  
Gloob: Yeah! A secret syrup was in there! One that could WAKE THE DEAD!  
Goombella: Sure…

Pennington: I want you to go to Cabin 1! For that is where something is!  
Goombella: How do you know, and why don't you do it?  
Pennington: Because I am a detective!

Goombella: So…which question were you answering?  
Pennington: Both!

Goombella: Great.

Bowser: Oh shut up and let's go!

They go to Cabin 1. They find a piece of paper with an inkblot on it. They grab it and take it back to Pennington and Gloob.

Gloob: Oh my! This is one of my contracts!  
Goombella: It's a blob of ink.

Gloob: ACK! She knows what it says!  
Pennington: That's not important. Alright Bowser, I want you to go back to your room.

Bowser: Why?  
Pennington: JUST DO IT!  
Bowser: NO ONE ORDERS ME AROUND!  
Pennington: I DO!  
Bowser: Okay.

Bowser and Goombella go back to their room. They find another piece of paper lying on the floor with an inkblot on it.  
Bowser: I bet the thief is in here!  
Goombella closes the door. Bowser flames his bed. Zip Toad comes out with his head on fire. He runs straight into the door and then falls to the floor. Bowser grabs him.

Bowser: HA HA HA! I got you!  
Zip: Ah…man.

Gloob and Pennington burst in.

Pennington: We heard the commotion and-

He spots Zip Toad.

Pennington: YOU! It was YOU all along!  
Zip: Yes.

Gloob: Hand over our stuff thief!  
Zip: Fine. But I would have gotten away with it…if it wasn't for you meddling bipedal mutated spiked turtle and strange muffin-like creature!

Bowser: Right…

Zip pulls the Suitcase, Shell Earrings and the Gold Ring out of nowhere. Gloob grabs his suitcase.

Gloob: YAY!  
He runs out.

Pennington: All right now Bowser I want you to take this stuff back to its owners-

Bowser and Goombella walk out the door.

Pennington: Fine, I'll do it!  
Pennington returns the items and the conductor cuffs Zip Toad. The train makes its mandatory rest stop at Riverside Station. Pennington, Bowser, Goombella and for some reason Zip Toad and the conductor. Upon getting outside Zip Toad vanished in a puff of purple smoke!

Conductor: ACK!  
Zip reappears as…Doopliss! And because he has no discernible hands he just slips right out of the cuffs!  
Doopliss: Ha! Got you Slicks! And now you're stuck here while me and the Shadow Sirens get the Crystal Star!

Bowser: NOOOO!

He steps toward Doopliss who charges into a small switch, raising the Drawbridge, preventing the train from leaving!  
Doopliss: HA HA HA!  
He runs away, before anyone can catch him.

Conductor: Crud! We can't leave unless we put that bridge down!  
Goombella: Then do it.

Conductor: We can't! The only way to put it down is inside the basement of that large building over there!  
He points at a large building by the train. The door is locked.

Goombella: You designed it so you can put the bridge up from out here, but to close it you have to go inside?  
Conductor: Yes!

Goombella: THAT IS SO DUMB!  
Pennington: Bowser, only you can fix that bridge!  
Bowser: Fine.

Bowser and Goombella go over to the building. Bowser breaks the door down. Inside the musty building they go to an elevator with the doors closed. It's one of those caged ones you can see inside of.

Goombella: I think we need a key-

Bowser walks through the door.

Goombella: Uh…good key.

She goes in as well. The elevator takes them down to the basement. At the bottom they see a ton of black, shapeless things. They move around, but don't actually do anything.

Goombella: What the heck are these things?

Bowser: They're DEAD!  
Goombella: Uh…no they're not.

Bowser: Oh yeah?

Bowser flames the creatures. They don't react.

Bowser: Uh…

Goombella: Oh…for crying out loud!  
She walks through the unresisting creatures and hits a blue switch. The bridge goes back up.

Bowser: I was GOING to do that!  
Goombella: Sure…

They go back to the train, which soon leaves. After the not-so difficult day Bowser decides to go to bed. However since he burned his bed, he takes Gloob's. Gloob doesn't notice as he is too excited with his suitcase. Bowser wakes up on the third day. He and Goombella walk out of their room. No one seems to be around. He walks into the front of the train. Pennington and the Driver are up there.

Pennington: Ah! Bowser! Good to see you! Everyone has apparently disappeared!  
Driver: Yes, they all seem to be-AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!  
A swarm of the black creatures cover the front of the train, quickly stopping it.

Driver: They must have taken the other people! We must rescue them!

Bowser: I see…how far are we from Poshley Heights? Walking distance.

Driver: Uh…about ten minutes.

Pennington: Then let's go!

Goombella: But we can't go! We have to rescue-

The other three leave.

Goombella: Oh fine!  
She leaves as well. As the four walk towards Poshley Heights, all the creatures on top of the train merge to form a giant beast known as SMORG! However it's stuck to the train.  
Smorg: RAAAAAAUUUUUUUUURRRRRRR!  
It has all the other passengers who moan and yell…but nothing happens. Eventually Smorg gets bored and goes away. The passengers get back up and go in the train, unaware there is no driver, and they are ten minutes from their destination. They may wait there still…but Bowser and the others reach Poshley Heights!

Bowser: Wow.

Pennington: Yes it is magnificent-

Bowser: This place smells bad.

Pennington: Well! I never!  
Driver: I'm going to the hotel…

No one pays him any attention. He goes away.

Bowser: Where's the Crystal Star?  
Pennington: In Poshley Sanctum.

Bowser: Take me there.

They go to Poshley Sanctum. The door is locked but Bowser just breaks it down.

Pennington: Uh…I'm the Sanctum Manager…I could have opened it.

Bowser: Yeah yeah…

They go inside. They see Beldam, Marilyn and Doopliss! And Beldam's got the Star!  
Beldam: Ha! You were too late! Let's go!  
Marilyn: YUH HUH!  
They disappear into the shadows. Doopliss just stands there.

Doopliss: Aw man! Ever since I joined them they keep doing that! I CAN'T TELEPORT!

He jumps through a window.

Bowser: SHOOT! They got the Star!  
Pennington: Au contraire!  
Bowser: What? Now you're insane? Stop speaking gibberish!  
Pennington: It's French!  
Bowser: Great, you've named your nonsense language!  
Pennington: Ugh…they got a fake Star. The real one is behind that large painting in the back. To get behind it you must find the switch-

Bowser walks through the painting, utterly destroying it.

Pennington: Or you can do that.

Goombella: Oh dear!  
The next room is the same as the first except for all the pink Dark Boos.

Dark Boo: BOOOO!  
Bowser: Go away.

Goombella: Why aren't you frightened?  
Bowser: Because it's pink. Pink is NOT scary!  
Dark Boo: He's right…

Bowser walks up to the pedestal and grabs the Star! Bowser and Goombella are instantly covered by light!  
Pennington: What the?

When it fades, they are gone…

Meanwhile, with Peach…

Peach walks into TEC's room again. However, right when she walks in Grodus and some X-nauts come in as well!  
Grodus: Hello…Princess!

Peach: Hi.

Grodus: TEC has given you far too much information and he must be deleted!

TEC (in resigned depressive mode): I guess I have.

Peach: Um…actually he has told me nothing of any value.

Grodus: Really? Oh…well…I'll just delete him anyways!

The two X-nauts start smashing the computer.

Peach: Wow…that was really dumb.

Grodus: And now I shall take you away!  
Peach: Okay.

Grodus: Don't try to resist-wait what?

Peach: Take me away. I don't care.  
Grodus: Well…wow. Okay!

He takes her someplace…

What will happen next time! Why are the people in the train so dumb! What happened to Bowser and Goombella! Why do I keep asking these meaningless questions!


	8. Chapter 7

Paper Bowser 2 and the Thousand Second Door Chapter Seven: That's One Small Step for Evil Super-Villains, One Giant Cannon-Blast for Bowser!

Bowser and Goombella appear in front of the Thousand Second Door.

Bowser: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! What happened!

Goombella: I guess the Stars have the ability to teleport us occasionally!  
Bowser: Oh…that's different.

Bowser stands on the pedestal. The light show passes and the final Crystal Star is revealed to be…

Goombella: ON THE MOON!  
Bowser: What the!  
Goombella: How do we get THERE!

Bowser: Well I'm sure there's a way-

Goombella: Oh SHUT UP! You're the one who thought it was impossible to reach an ISLAND! Now we have to reach THE MOON!  
Bowser: I don't like your attitude! SWITCH!  
Goombella: NOOOOOOOO!  
She disappears. Koops appears.

Koops: YAY! I'm free!  
Bowser: Yeah, shut up. To Frankly's!  
They go to Frankly's.

Frankly: What do you want?  
Koops: Why didn't you ask us about maps?  
Frankly: You want me too? All right…MAPS!  
Bowser: Koops…you're an idiot. Frankly how do we get to the Moon?  
Frankly: Hmm…well, I believe that Fahr Outpost has a giant cannon that can get you there. There's a pipe under the west side of Rogueport that can take you there.

Bowser: YAY!  
He and Koops run to the west side.

Frankly: Soon the Magical Map shall be mine!

They get to the far west of the underground area of Rogueport. Bowser smashes through a large block and they go inside a large blue pipe…which even though it is too small to fit Bowser, he goes through with no difficulty.

Meanwhile, with Mario…

Mario somehow managed to reach Poshley Heights, even though the train was still not moving somewhere on the track. Mario walked through the rich place, until he came to Poshley Sanctum. Pennington was there.

Pennington: Who are you? Wait…don't tell me…you are-

Mario: It's-a me-a Mario!

Pennington: I TOLD YOU NOT TO TELL ME!  
Mario: Okeydokey!  
Pennington: Are you here for the Crystal Star?  
Mario: OH NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!  
Pennington: Oh…are you with Bowser?

Mario: Okeydokey!  
Pennington: Okay…because he went back to Rogueport for something…

Mario: Thank you very much for playing my game!  
Pennington: What game?  
Mario bounds off, while screaming…

Mario: Babies!  
Pennington watches him until he disappears from sight.

Pennington: That man will accomplish great things someday!

Back to Bowser…

Bowser and Koops appear in a freezing snowy place.

Bowser: I hate it here.

Koops: Oh come on, it's not so bad-

An icy wind blows past.

Koops: Oh man its cold!

Bowser: Let's just walk!

They walk a bit until they come to a floating blue cloud, an Ice Puff, and a blue piranha plant, a Frost Piranha!

Koops: AAAHHH!  
Ice Puff: It's FREEZING!  
Frost Piranha: Give us your body heat!  
They ran towards Bowser.

Bowser: ACK! Flame Breath!  
He shot a burst of fire at the creatures.

Ice Puff: Thank you!  
Frost Piranha: We are complete!  
They disappear.

Koops: Okay…that was weird…

Bowser: Ha! I knew I could defeat them!  
They continue to Fahr Outpost! It has numerous buildings and various bob-ombs speaking in horrible Russian accents. Koops walks up to one.

Koops: Do you know where the giant cannon is?  
Bob-omb: Dah, but you must speak with Mayor!

Koops: And he is…where?  
Bob-omb: Dah! He is Bob-omb by statue with mustache!  
Koops: Okay…

Bowser: Well let's get him!

They walk through the small town until they get to the statue in the center. There a Bob-omb with a mustache stands.

Mayor: Dah?  
Koops: What is that, some kind of all purpose word? Can you use dah for anything?

Mayor: Dah!  
Bowser: Great…we want to use the cannon!

Mayor: Dah! But first must find Goldbob and General White!  
Koops: Well if memory serves Goldbob is sitting on a train in the middle of nowhere, plus he's terrified of us…

Bowser: Where's White?  
Mayor: He not here! His house there though!  
He gestures to a building.

Bowser: Let's trash the place!

He runs over to it.

Koops: All right…I have nothing else to do anyways.

They go into the house. Bowser flames many of the stuff while Koops watches. Bowser then amuses himself by taking various items and trying to smack the Bob-ombs outside with them. They don't seem to notice and when they get hit they merely shrug it off and keep standing, staring into space.

Bowser: That's kind of creepy.

He was about to throw the bed, when a white Bob-omb with a cap walked in. He completely ignored Koops and Bowser, sat on the bed and went to sleep.

Koops: Wow…that guy is like REALLY unobservant.

Bowser: That's White right?  
Koops: I think so.

Bowser: Then let's get him!  
Bowser picks White up and carries him to the Mayor. Koops follows.

Mayor: Dah! That White! Goldbob not here…but I no like him anyway!  
They follow the Mayor to a bunker like building. Bowser puts White down. The Mayor searches him for a few seconds and finds a key. He uses the key to open the bunker. White lies on the ground unmoving. The four go inside, where there are two additional Bob-ombs.

Koops: Why does the only key belong to White?  
Mayor: Well we figured, since White travel all time safest place with him!

Koops: You're an idiot.

The Mayor shrugged off the insult and tried to get the cannon ready. Bowser and Koops walked outside to prepare to go in the cannon that was still underground but someone else was already there…

Ms. Mowz: Sweetums! I found you!  
Bowser: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!  
She runs at him and jumps into his arms!

Bowser: Get off!  
Ms. Mowz: I love you!

Bowser tries to drop her, but she clings on tightly.

Bowser: Let go!  
Ms. Mowz: The power of love gives me strength!

Bowser starts swinging his arm around like crazy. She tries to hold on, but she loses her grip and goes flying.

Ms. Mowz: AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!

She lands on a snow dune. She shakily stands up.

Ms. Mowz: Ha! I am ALIVE!

She takes a step…and falls off the dune.

Ms. Mowz: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!  
She falls on the ground and doesn't move.

Bowser: Now, to take her out of action!  
He runs forward picks her up and shoves her into the dune until she is not visible. He then goes to stand by Koops in middle of a clearing.

Koops: That was a little harsh don't you think?  
Bowser: Yes, I am a hero!

Koops: No you-

A hole appeared in the clearing. They fell in. A huge black cannon came out, with them in it. It took aim…and fired them at the moon! They flew screaming through the air until they landed, without a scratch on them.

Koops: Okay that was impossible!

Bowser: Also slightly CRAZY!  
Bowser and Koops stood up and started walking. They noticed they bounced a bit because of the lower gravity.

Koops: Isn't there supposed to be like no air on the moon?  
Bowser: Yeah…so?  
Koops: Well first of all we're breathing fine and survived a cannon blast that knocked us out of the atmosphere so obviously logic has been thrown out the window.

Bowser: Okay…

Koops: But there's still gravity! This is crazy! Lots of air…but low gravity!

Bowser: Oh shut up.

Koops: Fine.

They walk for a bit trying to find something. Suddenly an X shaped creature appears, similar to the Yux's in the Great Tree but larger and black. The creatures (Z-Yux) stumbled around until they ran into some rocks. The rocks then got up and revealed themselves to be Moon Clefts. The Z-Yux's and the Moon Clefts got into a ferocious fight.

Koops: Okay…

Bowser: Wow…my minions are never this bad! They only kill each other when I tell them too!

Koops: Great.

Bowser: Or…when they're left together for extended periods of time…

They keep walking until they come to a large building. Seeing as they have nothing better to do they enter it...

Meanwhile, with Luigi…

Luigi, Blooey, Jerry, Torque, Hayzee and Screamy arrive at their destination, Hatesong Tower. It was on a massive cliff, overlooking a vicious sea. Wind whistled through the cliffs and the turrets on the castle making a noise similar to the sound a cinnamon bun makes when thrown at a chicken. The group climbs out of their boat and walk up to the massive castle. Soon they come to the door…and they open it!

Torque: SPEED!  
Luigi: Shut up! This is a very dramatic moment!  
Torque: Sorry.

The inside of Hatesong Tower is pitch black. The six enter inside cautiously and the door slams shut behind them!  
Blooey: Whee!  
Luigi: Shut up!  
They stand in silence for a minute as their eyes adjust…suddenly several torches on the walls light up. The torches lead a path to the front of the cavernous room they're in illuminating several large tapestries on the walls. The torches seem to pause before illuminating the end, as if wondering if they should…but they decide to anyways.

Hayzee: I wish I had a costume like that!  
A massive creature slightly shaped like a chestnut, with a huge mouth and fangs, constantly dripping poisonous ooze on the floor stood in front of them.

Chestnut King: I am the Chestnut King! FEAR ME!  
Luigi: Okay…AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!  
Jerry: AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!  
Screamy: SCREEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMM!

Blooey: WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

Torque: FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAST!

Hayzee: I LIKE PLAAAAAAAAAAYS!

The Chestnut King was slightly surprised that they didn't all run away when he revealed himself but he decided he didn't care. He charged forward…and fell down the short set of stairs in front of him.

Chestnut King: AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!

He hit the bottom head first…and lay there unmoving.

Luigi: Did we beat him?

The Chestnut King suddenly flipped up.

Luigi: ACK!  
Chestnut King: Thank you for releasing me!  
He was surrounded by light, and when it disappeared a person who looked vaguely like Mario but with a brown mustache and he was wearing white clothes appeared.

Tony: I-a am no longer cursed!  
Luigi: Mario!  
Tony: No-a! I-a am Tony!

Luigi: Right…

Suddenly out of nowhere a person who looked like Peach, but with black hair appeared.

Éclair: I am Princess Éclair! You have freed my boyfriend!  
Luigi: This is vaguely familiar…and kind of creepy.

Éclair: You see he was trapped in that form by the evil Crepe!  
Luigi: Wait…you mean Crepe…like the MINISTER Crepe!  
Crepe: That is correct!  
Crepe appears from behind a tapestry.

Éclair: You!  
Tony: Oh-a no!

Luigi: But why!  
Crepe: WHY! Why you ask!

Luigi: Uh…yeah. I ask.

Crepe: I was hoping to get you to gather all the pieces of the Marvelous Compass together so that I may use its power to bring back the mighty Luff Empire!

Luigi: Strange…I feel like I missed a bunch of story somewhere.

Crepe: SILENCE! Now hand over the Compass and I won't cause you serious discomfort!  
Tony: We'll-a never hand it-a over!  
Luigi: We won't? I honestly don't-

Jerry: Oh come on it's seven against one!  
Tony: Eight…I'll-a be helping you!  
Jerry: I uh…kind of counted you.

Tony: Oh.

Crepe: Can we hurry up and get in our really exciting climatic battle or should we just talk all day?

Blooey: YAY! Let's play!  
Torque: SPEED!  
Screamy: SCREEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAM!  
Hayzee: MARRY ME!

Crepe: Oh god NO!

He jumps out a window and plummets to his doom.

Luigi: Uh…good job Hayzee.

Tony: I'm the winner!

Luigi: Are you related to a…Mario…by any chance?

Tony: I-a don't THINK so.

Éclair: YAY! Now that the day is saved…let's have a massive celebration and get married!  
Luigi: Uh…well I don't know you that well…

Éclair: Not to YOU, to Tony!  
Luigi: Oh…well do I get a reward?  
Éclair: No. You must go to Rogueport or we'll all be doomed.

Luigi: What?  
Éclair: GO NOW!  
Luigi: Okay!  
Luigi and co. leave…for their REALLY final journey.

Back to Bowser…

Bowser and Koops enter the large building. Two black Elite X-nauts are guarding a door in front of them.

Elite: Dude! Welcome to the X-naut Fortress!  
Elite 2: You can't pass!  
Bowser: Why?  
Elite: You can only pass if you're a cool dude!  
Koops: Really?  
Elite 2: Yeah dude!  
Bowser: Okay…uh dudes. Watch this awesomeness!

They all look at him.

Bowser: Ah hem! I am kickin' it with my homies in the land of cribs! Down with the dawgs on the dude B-O-W-S-E-R!

Koops: That was pathetic.

Elite: Wow.

Elite 2: You can pass dude!  
They move aside, letting Koops and Bowser through. The rest of the area was very hi-tech. It seemed like something from the future. The guys walked for a bit, occasionally running into X-nauts, who they said "dude" to. Eventually they came to a locked elevator. Bowser tried to break it down, but this elevator was made of strong stuff and he was unable to.

Koops: I think you need some kind of card thing.

Koops was looking at a slot by the elevator.

Bowser: Hmm…a card? Well I have this!  
He produces some kind of card out of nowhere.

Koops: What's that?  
Bowser: It's a certificate saying that I am officially King of the KOOPAS!  
Koops: Right…I don't think that'll work-

Bowser sticks it in the slot. A chime sounds and the elevator opens.

Koops: I stand corrected.

They go inside and hit the button for sublevel 1, as that's the only floor this elevator is capable of going to.

Koops: That's sad. This is obviously some kind of super hi-tech place, and they don't even have elevators that can go to more than two or three floors.

Bowser: Eh. My castle doesn't even have elevators. So there! Ha!

Koops: That's just…great.

They get to their destination and start looking in doors. Inside the far right door they see a familiar character…

Thwomp: HEEEEEEEEEEEELLOOOOOOOOOOO!  
Bowser: You!  
Koops: Uh…who's this?

Bowser: This Thwomp is in charge of a really weird Game Show.

Thwomp: The 66th Annual Quirk Quiz!  
Bowser: Yeah, that.

Thwomp: If you win you can leave! If you lose…you must battle the X-Yux!  
Koops: What if we just leave now-

Gigantic metal doors slam down preventing them from escaping.

Thwomp: You were saying?

Koops: Fine! We'll take your dumb quiz!  
Thwomp: Excellent! I shall ask you seven questions! If you answer five of them right you win! If you get three wrong though, you lose!

Bowser: But that's nine questions!  
Thwomp and Koops stare at Bowser.

Thwomp: Okay…which one of you shall be competing? And remember, NO switching!

Koops: All right I'll-

Bowser: I shall do it!  
Thwomp: Bowser it is! All right…if Mario had a videogame franchise, not that he does and not that we're IN a videogame…heh…heh.

Bowser: What's a videogame?  
Thwomp: Just answer the question!

Bowser: What question? You didn't ask me one!  
Thwomp: Oh…a clever one eh?  
Bowser: Yes.

Thwomp: Grr than-

Bowser: YAY! I got question one right!  
Thwomp: What!  
Bowser: The first question was "A clever one eh?" and I answered "yes"!  
Thwomp: Fine. How many ACTUAL Mario games, not spin offs, are there?  
Bowser: What's a Mario game-

Thwomp: JUST GUESS A NUMBER!  
Bowser: Okay…well…one…what comes after one? One…uh…one…dang! One-  
Thwomp: WHAT! 111! One, one, one!  
Bowser: What?  
Thwomp: There are 111! You're right!  
Koops: I don't believe it.

Thwomp: Fine! But can you answer the next question!  
Bowser: Yes. That's three!   
Thwomp: What? SHOOT!

Bowser: Gwa ha ha!  
Thwomp: Okay…what's the one thing that everyone always ends up collecting on the kind of adventures you're on!  
Bowser: Uh…coins?

Thwomp: NO! Stars! Ah ha ha!  
Bowser: Grr…

Thwomp: Alright…What's the square root of pie multiplied by X squared to the n power!  
Bowser: Uh…undefined?  
Thwomp: Dang!  
Bowser: I have NO clue what I'm doing!  
Thwomp: That's four right and one wrong…What is the name…of the Thousand Second Door!  
Koops: You can do this!  
Bowser: I know! It is…uh…Fred?  
Thwomp: NO! It's the Thousand Second Door! Geez!  
Bowser: Crud! How was I supposed to figure that out?  
Thwomp:…What are you? An idiot?  
Bowser: Yes! Wait…

Thwomp: NOOOOOOO! That's five answers right!  
Bowser: It is?  
Koops: It is! YAY!  
Thwomp: You may leave…WAAAAAAAAHHHH!  
The bars go away. Bowser and Koops leave, and Thwomp cries as he has been defeated again. Bowser and Koops travel through the Fortress suffering no problems. Eventually they come to another elevator which Bowser opens using his card. It takes them too Sublevel three. They go to the right and enter a room with three card slots. Amazingly Bowser's card works for all of them which makes absolutely no sense. Eventually they came to a large room with shifting gears, walls and pipes. Bowser broke through them, and then used the wreckage to climb to the top of the room. Koops and Bowser then entered the next room to find…

Crump: Buh huh huh! I got you now!  
He is standing on a platform in a large room. He also seems rather pleased with himself.

Bowser: You? This is like…the fourth time we've met. Just give us the Crystal Star.

Crump: I will NEVER give you the…what? What are we talking about?  
Koops: You were going to give us the Star?  
Crump: NO! Feel the power…of my Magnus Von Grapple 2.0!  
A small square appears which then expands into a massive robot, similar to the first Magnus, only red and it has pointy arms. Crump hops in.

Crump: Defeat THIS! HA HA HA!

Bowser: Flame breath!

He shoots a blast of flame at Crump. He dodges by jumping high in the air and coming down with his pointy hand things.

Koops: AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!  
Bowser: Ha! Nothing can get through my shell!

Bowser goes in his shell. It doesn't matter however as Crump missed completely.

Crump: Dang! You're fast!  
Bowser comes out of the shell.

Koops: No…your aim is just awful.

Crump: Oh yeah! SPINNING X THING!

The X around the robots chest flies off and hits a wall.

Bowser: I'm sure you have some kind of masterful diabolical plan going on here…but even I can't see it.

Koops: You're both morons.

Crump: ARM DETACHMENT!  
His arm things fly off and float in midair.

Crump: ATTACK!  
They fly at him and start beating up the Magnus.

Crump: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!  
He runs through several walls and disappears from sight.

Bowser: Gwa ha ha! I am the KING!  
Koops: Yeah…yeah.

The final Crystal Star appears. Bowser grabs it.

Bowser: Yes! Now teleport us!  
Nothing happens.

Koops: Maybe it was a one-time thing.

Bowser: NO! This will teleport us! How else can we reach Rogueport?  
Koops: Point…but there's probably a way, how else could the X-nauts get down?  
Bowser: Hmmm…I believe there is some way to get down OTHER than the Star! Come let us search for it my minion!  
Koops: Right behind you…ya crazed lunatic.

Bowser: What?

Koops: Nothing!

Bowser and Koops travel back in the Fortress. They come to another elevator which stops on Sublevel four. They go to the right and encounter TEC in helpful mode. He appears to be fine although parts of the machinery are smashed.

TEC: Welcome!

Bowser: AAAAHHHHH! Possessed machine!  
TEC: No! Artificial Intelligence!  
Bowser: Even worse! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!  
TEC: Ugh…Peach has been taken by Grodus inside the Thousand Second Door!  
Bowser: Peach! YAY! Soon she shall be mine! Wait…how do you know this?  
TEC: Grodus is very loud.

Koops: Wait…if Grodus can get in the Door now…what does he need the Stars for?  
TEC: Good question.  
Koops waits.  
Koops: Uh…aren't you going to answer it?  
TEC: Nope! I don't know the answer!  
Koops: Great. And we still need to get to Rogueport.

TEC: Ah! Good thing Grodus and his X-nauts have no clue how I work! Because if they did they would have really destroyed me rather than causing me mild appearance loss.

Koops: Wait…aren't they the ones who made you?  
TEC: Yep!  
Koops: Then how could they not know…oh forget it.

TEC: Okay! In order to get to Rogueport you must find the Teleporter on Sublevel 2!  
Bowser: YAY! Bye!  
They leave.

TEC: Crud. Now I'm alone…it's REALLY boring here…

Bowser and Koops reach Sublevel 2 and find the Teleporter which, after some random button pressing they figure out how to work and are teleported!

Next up is the FINAL chapter! What will happen! Will everything turn out perfectly? Of course not, that would be boring! Plus no one has any clue who the hero of this adventure is!


	9. Chapter 8

Paper Bowser 2 and the Thousand Second Door Chapter Eight: YAY! Evil Demons Are Running Around Possessing People!

The Teleporter drops Bowser and Koops in an abandoned building in Rogueport Sewers. They extricate themselves from the building and run into Frankly who is just outside the building.

Frankly: Yo! Slick! Grodus just went through the Thousand Second Door! You gotta go there and open it up with the Stars!  
Bowser: TO THE DOOR!

Bowser drags Koops away. Frankly stands in the same spot laughing manically to himself.

Koops: Uh…didn't you notice anything ODD about Frankly?  
Bowser: Hmm…yes! He has no hands!

Koops: Well…besides that.

Bowser: No…why?  
Koops: He didn't ask us about maps!

Bowser: Hmm…yes he did!  
Koops: No…plus he called us Slick!  
Bowser: You're right! Frankly IS a Goomba!  
Koops: You're not even listening to me are you?  
Bowser: Worship me!  
Koops: Ugh.

Bowser and Koops soon reach the Thousand Second Door. Bowser stands on the pedestal and all seven of the Crystal Stars come out and do some kind of weird magic lightshow. When it's over the Door opens and inside is some weird purple-black portal thing.

Bowser: I say! All my minions have been REALLY lazy as of late.

Koops: What? Are you completely insane!  
Bowser: Yes! MINIONS COME OUT!  
Goombella, Flurrie, King, Vivian and Bobbery all appear.  
Flurrie: What exactly are we doing out?  
Bowser: I figured since we're probably on the last part of our adventure I'd get you all to help me!  
King: But…isn't impossible to have all of us out at the same time?  
Goombella: Obviously not, although it still shouldn't be done.

Bowser: Oh, I see! You'll do it for Doopliss but not for me!  
Vivian: I stuck with you!  
Koops: Oh shut up!  
Bowser: SILENCE! We're going in that creepy portal thing…and your all going to help!  
Bobbery: Okay.

Koops: I was anyways…

Flurrie: I still can't believe I'm not getting paid for this.

Goombella: Stupid Frankly. It's his fault I'm here.

King: I hate you all.

Vivian: Don't hate me because I'm beautiful!

King: I don't.

Vivian: Oh…well…that's good…I guess…

King: (whispering) I hate you because you're an idiot.  
Bowser: GOOD! I'm glad you all willingly decided to stick with me! Now let's go!  
The seven of them all jump through the portal.

Meanwhile, with our other adventurers…

Luigi and co. get off their boat at Rogueport Harbor. And waiting to greet them is…

Mario: It's-a me-a Mario!  
Luigi: AAAAAAAHHHHHH! Not you!  
Mario: Okeydokey!  
Jerry: Uh…Luigi…who is this guy?  
Luigi: My insane brother.

Blooey: Let's play!

Blooey floats over to Mario. Mario smacks him with his hammer into Luigi.

Luigi: OW!  
Blooey: Ouch! Hey that's cheating!  
Mario: Babies!  
Screamy: Hmm…he appears to be saying that Bowser has entered the incredibly evil place known as the Palace of Shadow and that unless we stop him he will capture Peach, and Grodus will end the world. Or something like that. I'm not to sure about the last bit.

Mario: Okeydokey!  
Everyone stares at Mario and Screamy.

Luigi: What…how?  
Screamy: I CAN UNDERSTAND ALL LANGUAGES!  
Luigi: Even the language of the criminally insane?  
Screamy: Most likely.

Luigi: Right…well I don't particularly care about Bowser getting Peach but I DO feel some strange desire to prevent the end of the world. Sigh…lead the way Mario.

Mario takes them to the Thousand Second Door.

Luigi: What exactly is the End of the World like?  
Jerry: What do you mean?  
Luigi: Well…if the world ends what happens?  
Hayzee: I'm not to sure…but I should make a play about that!  
Luigi: I mean all these evil super villains are always trying to end the world…but if it like exploded they'd die to…so that can't be it…

Jerry: Tell you what…we can just sit here and wait for the world to end and then we'd find out!  
Mario smacks Jerry.

Jerry: Ow! Fine…we won't do that!  
Mario: Okeydokey!  
Soon they reach the door. It's still open so they jump in the creepy portal…

Back to Bowser…

Bowser and his minions come out of the portal in a large room. Bowser sees a sign labeling this place as the "Shadow Palace".

Bowser: Strange…I don't see mounds of treasure…

Bobbery: That's because this is obviously some kind of evil place!

Bowser: So…what are you saying?  
Vivian: He's saying that there is no treasure here because this place is destructive den of terror!  
Bowser: So he's saying that I should build a castle here or something?

Goombella: (sigh) Yes…that's EXACTLY what Bobbery said. (Whispering) You are a complete idiot.

Bowser: Well…just to spite you…I WON'T! Gwa ha ha!  
Bobbery: Whatever.

Bowser: Yes…well let's get moving.

They continue through the Palace, running into some Swoopulas which completely ignore them, Dry Bones which kept trying to throw their own bones at Bowser, but as soon as they removed one they fell apart. In a large two story room several B. Bill Blasters were shooting Bombshell Bills. Bowser and co. had no problem avoiding them as the Blasters were for some bizarre reason facing a wall and shooting straight into it.

King: Okay…someone needs to spend some time training their minions…

Bowser: What are you implying!  
King: I didn't mean you! I meant whoever got these creatures…

Bowser: Hmph…well as long as you realize that I am your KING, King!  
King: What! What does that have to do with anything!  
Bowser: Everything! JUST SAY IT!  
Koops: You're insane!  
Bowser: Thank you! Let's keep going!  
King: Okay…

They continue through the palace, running into spiked floors and Fire Traps. They avoided the Phantom Embers, who didn't do much besides go BOO! Then they ran away laughing like idiots. Soon they came to a large chamber with a small lake and a building in the center of that lake. Two Chain Chomps are chained on the sides of bridges.

Bowser: Hmm…Chain Chomps…interesting minions…practically indestructible…but they attack anything…best strategy is to take a few and drop them in enemy territory!  
Goombella: What are you talking about!  
Bowser: Let's go!  
They walk past the Chain Chomps, staying just out of their reach and enter the door at the far right of the room. It leads to a creepy hallway, that's rather large and long. They walk through it and go through the door at the end. It leads to another hallway that is exactly the same.

Bowser: Eerie…are we like in some kind of loop?  
King: I don't think so…I'm guessing whoever made this place was kind of lacking in imagination when he made this area…

Bobbery: I wonder who it was…

As they continue through several of these rooms they encounter a strange floating creature known as a Dark Wizzerd (DW).

DW: OOGLY!

Bowser: Oogly?

DW: I am EVIL! RAR!  
Bowser: Right…go evil that wall over there…

Bowser points at the right wall. DW runs over to it and attacks by copying itself and throwing magic attacks at it.

DW: HA HA HA! You'll never guess which one I am!  
Flurrie: Okay…

They continue their journey until they come to a massive chamber. Inside a humongous purple dragon very similar to Hooktail came into view.

Gloomtail: I am Gloomtail! I am the brother to Hooktail!  
Bowser: That's great…

Gloomtail: And who are YOU!  
Bowser: Me? I am Bowser, King of the KOOPAS!  
Gloomtail: Ah…I've never heard of you…

Bowser: Oh shut up.

Gloomtail: Wait…do you know my sister?  
Goombella: Yes…

Gloomtail: THEN YOU MUST BE THE ONES WHO KILLED HER!  
Koops: She's dead?  
Gloomtail: Well…no. She's fine. I'm hungry and well I just wanted an excuse to eat you.

King: Oh yeah? Well you'll have to fight us first!  
Gloomtail: Okay.

He shot a blast of poison at Bobbery and Vivian. They got hit.

Bobbery: Ouch I say!

Vivian: Ow!

Gloomtail: HA HA HA!  
Bowser: Flame Breath!  
He shoots fire at Gloomtail. It scorches his side.

Gloomtail: Er…DIE!  
He stomps at Bowser. Bowser grabs Koops and uses him as a shield.

Koops: OW!  
Bowser: Gwa ha ha!  
Gloomtail: Grr…you're tough…I'll give you that…but you could never survive my charged attack!

He starts glowing. Bowser and co. huddle in terror for a bit and then realize nothings happening. They walk over to his side.

Bowser: Is he dead?  
Bobbery: I don't think so…I think he's just charging.

Bowser: Let's hit him!

They all start beating him up. After five minutes Gloomtail responds.

Gloomtail: MEGABREATH!  
He shoots out a massive wave of poison…that completely misses and dissipates on a wall. He then feels the pain of all the attacks.

Gloomtail: ACK! I've been defeated!  
He flips over and curls up.  
Bowser: Hmph! All that fighting for nothing!  
Goombella: Let's just go back.

Bowser: Alright…

They go back to the area with the lake and the Chomps. However as soon as they get there they are greeted by a familiar character…Doo-I mean Professor Frankly!

Frankly: Hey Slick!  
Bowser: Uh hi…

Frankly: You cannot continue!  
King: Why?  
Frankly: Because I AM YOUR FATHER!

Bowser: No you're not.

Frankly: Dang! How'd you guess?  
Bowser: Do I really have to answer that?  
Frankly: Alright fine…I AM DOOPLISS! OOGEDLY BOOGLEY!

He's surrounded by purple smoke and when it dissipates it reveals Doopliss!

Bowser: YOU!

Doopliss: Yes, me Slick! But I'm not alone!  
Beldam and Marilyn appear.

Marilyn: GUH HUH!  
Beldam: Ha ha! We will stop you!

Bowser: Why?  
Beldam: Uh…because you're…uh…

Doopliss: Well Slick it's easy! We'll stop you because…um…the thing is…uh…

Marilyn: LUH YUH!  
Beldam: Yeah! What she said!  
Vivian: You know…I'm her sister and I have no clue what she said…

Beldam: So?  
Vivian: So I think she's an unintelligible idiot!  
Marilyn: UH HUH!  
Beldam: ACK! GET THEM!  
Beldam brings forth an icy wind. It blows on King and Flurrie.

King: Wow…that's kind of cold…

Flurrie: You think you can control wind?  
Beldam: Well…yes.

Flurrie: FEEL MY WINDY WRATH!

Flurrie starts blowing wind at Beldam. Beldam responds by increasing her windiness.

King: I'll help!

King tackles Beldam. King Flurrie and Beldam get in a very violent fight. With violence. Doopliss decides to attack.

Doopliss: Okay…ULTIMATE ATTACK! HEADBUTT!

Doopliss goes in the air and then slowly comes down at Bobbery. He sidesteps and Doopliss hits the ground.

Doopliss: Wow…you guys are good! But can you deal with this!  
He covers himself in purple smoke. When it dissipates he reveals that he has taken the form of Koops.

Doopliss: HA HA HA! Slicks…can you get me now?  
Vivian: Well…actually yes we can.

Koops: Wow…you look just like me…

Doopliss: HA! I have no clue how to use this body!  
Goombella: GET HIM!

Goombella, Koops, Vivian and Bobbery all tackle him to ground and start pummeling him. Bowser and Marilyn look each other over.

Bowser: I guess this is where you and me get in a big fight…with lightning in the background and stuff…

Marilyn: RUH JUH!  
Bowser: What'd she say?  
Beldam looks up from trying to shrink Flurrie and King.

Beldam: She asked "Why does the lightning have to be in the background?"  
Bowser: What?  
Marilyn raises her hands and a bolt of lightning comes down and hits Bowser.

Bowser: ACK!  
Marilyn: LUH KUH!  
Bowser: That does it! CLIMATIC FIGHT…BEGIN!  
He charged at Marilyn and started biting her. She pulled his hair. He slapped her, and she scratched him. Bobbery looks up at them.

Bobbery: Wow…that is like the wussiest fight I have ever seen.

Doopliss staggers out of their grasp and turns back to himself. Beldam crawls away from Flurrie and King. They stand by each other.

Beldam: Well…you put up a good fight…but it doesn't matter! Freak-sheet and the Shadow Sirens shall escape!  
Doopliss: My name isn't Freak-sheet.

Beldam: Why not?  
Doopliss: You know my name!

Beldam: What? You're freaky and you wear a sheet! Freak-sheet!  
Doopliss: It's not a sheet!  
Beldam: Than what is it?  
Doopliss: It's a…well…oh fine. But my name is STILL not Freak-sheet! Call me by my real name!  
Vivian: Hey…aren't that guy who was like invincible because you pretended no one knew you're name?  
Doopliss: I wasn't pretending!

King: Yes you were! We kept calling you Doopliss and you said we were wrong!  
Doopliss: Yeah right! Why are you asking?  
Vivian: Well…now you're mad because someone isn't calling you by your name.

Doopliss: Well…uh…SHUT UP!

Beldam: Silence! Now let's go…wait…something's wrong…

Bowser and Marilyn are still fighting.

Beldam: ACK! Marilyn! Let's go!  
Marilyn: FUH YUH!  
She slips away from Bowser. Beldam and Marilyn disappear.

Doopliss: AWW! I told them to stop doing that! RUN AWAY!  
He runs away.

Bowser: Hmm…what to do now?  
A loud rumbling is heard coming from the creepy hallway that they went through to get to Gloomtail.

Goombella: What was that!  
They go through the door and discover that the floor has dropped away into a stairway leading to a new section of the Palace.

Bowser: Well that was strangely convenient.

They went through the stairway and continued their travel through the Palace. They encountered many traps and puzzles…that Bowser smashed through. After a little while they entered a massive room. It was a large throne room and at the end of the room was Grodus!

Grodus: So…you have finally reached me!  
Bowser: Well it wouldn't have taken so long if you didn't keep moving!

Grodus: Wha! Well…I have cleverly manipulated you to get all the Crystal Stars! HA!

Koops: But why do you want them?  
Grodus: To get through the Thousand Second Door of course!

Goombella: But you got through it WITHOUT the Stars.

Grodus: Yes…

Bobbery: So what purpose exactly did the Stars serve?  
Grodus: Well…they…uh…LET'S FIGHT!

He summons four X-shaped creatures called Grodus-X's. They surround him.

Grodus: HA! These creatures create an impenetrable shield around me! You can't hurt me!  
Goombella: Uh…if that's true…than how can you attack us?  
Grodus: What! It's easy! Watch!

He waves his staff around and then shoots off a blue fire attack. It slides on the ground until it hits his shield and then it bounces back and hits him.

Grodus: OW! Well…we never actually fully tested this out…lack of funds…Give me money!

Bowser: No.

Grodus: Dang…well then since they're useless…goodbye Grodus-X's!  
He waves his staff around and they explode.

Grodus: Now prepare to feel my awesome POWER!  
He starts waving his staff around when the ceiling started to creak. He stopped and looked up as did the others.

Grodus: What?  
Suddenly a chunk of the ceiling came down on Grodus and on it was Mario, Luigi, Blooey, Jerry, Torque, Hayzee and Screamy!  
Mario: Woohoo!  
Luigi: I told you not to jump around like a fat idiot!

Mario: OH NOOOOOOOOOO!  
Mario hits Luigi.

Luigi: OW! You jerk!  
Bowser: AAAAHHHHH! You guys!

Luigi: Bowser! Where's Peach!  
Bowser: I don't know!  
Mario: WHEE!  
Bowser: ACK! QUICK ATTACK!  
Goombella: Uh…why?  
Bowser: These guys are pure evil! They'll kill us!  
Koops: Really?  
Mario: OKEYDOKEY!  
King: AHHH! HE SAID YES! FIGHT!  
Bowser charged and tackled Mario. Goombella went after Luigi, Koops to Blooey, Bobbery to Jerry, Flurrie to Screamy, King to Torque and Vivian to Hayzee.

Bowser: Fear me!  
Mario: Crikey!

As Mario and Bowser rolled on the floor, Mario got his feet under Bowser and flipped him up. Bowser was sent flying, and he crashed into a wall. Luigi was trying to cover his head while Goombella repeatedly hit him.

Luigi: Why OW are you OW doing this OW?  
Goombella: Because you are apparently evil!  
Luigi: Well stop OW it!

Goombella: No!  
Koops continuously tries to Shell Shot Blooey, Blooey floats above him. Koops can't hit aerial enemies.

Blooey: Catch me!  
Koops: I can't reach you!  
Blooey: WHEE! This is fun!  
Koops: Are you crazy! Get down here!  
Blooey: I'm going to win!  
He starts floating away. Koops runs after him. Bobbery and Jerry kept exploding by each other.

Bobbery: Take THIS!  
He explodes.

Jerry: Ha! That didn't hurt! Take THIS!  
He explodes. They do this for a while.

Bobbery: Uh…this isn't working…

Jerry: Yeah…want to run around like an idiot?  
Bobbery: No.  
Jerry: Yeah…me neither.

They sat there staring each other. Flurrie blew air at Screamy. Screamy countered by screaming.

Screamy: SCREEEEEAAAAAAAM!

Flurrie: Ack! You blocked my wind!

Screamy: You can't beat me!  
Flurrie: I will never lose to a…uh…what exactly are you?  
Screamy: I'm a question, question, question mark!

Flurrie: Wha? You're crazy!  
Screamy: Oh yeah! Than what are you?

Flurrie: That's obvious! I'm a…uh…windy…ghosty…oh I don't know!

Screamy HA!  
Flurrie: Oh shut up…you don't know either…

Screamy: Oh yeah…

They sat there in silence trying to figure out what they were. King was trying to beat up Torque, but his hard shell was causing problems.

Torque: SPEED!  
King: Ugh! Quit yelling speed, you're slow! I can't penetrate your shell!

Torque: YAY! FAST!  
King: I know! I'll eat you! GULP ATTACK!  
Torque: ACK!  
King shoots out his tongue lightning quick, trying to grab Torque. Torque disappears.

King: Huh? Where did he go?

Torque reappears on top of King.

King: OW!

King struggles to get Torque off. Vivian was using her Shade Fist on Hayzee. Since it was a fire attack and Hayzee was a plant…he wasn't doing to good.

Hayzee: AAAAAAAHHHHHHH! MY HEAD IS ON FIRE! HELP!  
Vivian: Heh heh…heh…

Hayzee: I am NOT putting this in my play! AAAAHHHH!  
He falls to the floor and rolls around. The fire goes out but he lays there unmoving. Bowser and Mario back off from each other.

Bowser: All right guys! REGROUP!

Goombella, Koops and Vivian all come over to him. Luigi and Blooey come over to Mario.

Bowser: HA! We have numerical superiority!

Luigi: Okay…so we give up right Mario?  
Mario: OH NOOOOOOOO!  
Bowser: Hmph! Then prepare to die!  
They prepare for the big fight…which by the way is a completely pointless fight as they're fighting for no reason whatsoever when suddenly…

Ms. Mowz: Honey bunny!

Bowser: AAAAHHHHHHH!

Ms. Mowz walks in!  
Mario: Crikey!

Luigi: Who's she?  
Bowser: She's….she's…OH NO!

Ms. Mowz: I finally found you and… wait who's this?

She looks at Mario.

Bowser: Please don't hurt me-wait what?  
Mario: It's-a me-a Mario!  
Ms. Mowz: Really? Well…you certainly are…buff…

Luigi: I think she's hitting on you Mario!

Mario: OH NOOOOOOOOOOOO!  
He runs away with Ms. Mowz chasing after him.

Ms. Mowz: Come back! I love you!

Luigi: Hey!  
Luigi and the other five members of his group run out and chase after them.

Bowser: Well…that was a useless waste of time.

Vivian: Why do you say that?  
Bowser: Well…because it did not move the plot along at all! It was a just a space filler!

Koops: Right…let's just save the world and get out of here…

Suddenly a battered Grodus stands up from the debris.

Grodus: HA! I will still win!  
He waves his staff and Peach appears in a green bubble.

Bowser: YES! The princess is MINE!  
Peach: Bowser! Oh…well…you're better than nothing…I guess…

Grodus: HA! Now you are mine! If you take one step forward I shall zap you with lightning! HA HA HA!  
Bowser: Really?  
Grodus: Yes. Really.

Bowser: Well what if I turn around and walk BACKWARDS!  
Grodus: WHA!  
Bowser: Then I'm not taking a step forward!

Bobbery: He's got you in a loophole!  
Grodus: Crud.

Bowser turns around and starts walking in Peach's general direction, often stumbling due to his inability to see where he is going. After a while Grodus gets bored and grabs Peach and carries her off through a secret passage behind the throne.

Flurrie: Uh…Bowser?  
Bowser: WHAT!  
King: Grodus ran off!  
Bowser: YES! I scared him away!  
Goombella: No…he ran off with Peach!  
Bowser: What! Dang!

Bowser turns around and leads his minions…I mean PARTNERS behind the throne. They go down a long flight of stairs in a cold dungeon like area. They come to a large door which they amazingly decide to open. Inside is what appears to a ritualistic chamber, with multiple candles and what appears to be some kind of coffin. Grodus has Peach on the ground in front of it and is cackling manically.

Bowser: Uh…what are you doing?  
Grodus: I am cackling manically!  
Koops: Yes…we see that….why?  
Grodus: I shall summon the ancient demon called the Shadow Queen and allow her to possess Peach so she shall have unlimited power!

Bowser: Oh no you won't!

Bowser charges forward and slams into Grodus.

Grodus: OW! What are you doing!  
Bowser: Uh…stopping you?  
Grodus: Well you can't! This is a plot advancing part! You can only stand here in horror while I summon the Shadow Queen!  
Bowser: Why?  
Grodus: BECAUSE! That's the rules!  
Bowser: Sure…

Grodus: Just do it!  
Bowser: Fine.

Bowser goes over and stands by his partners. Grodus waves his staff and the top of the coffin comes off. An evil wind fills the area and the candles turn black as a massive dark purple shape emerges from the coffin.

Shadow Queen (SQ): Is there a body!  
Grodus: Yes my Queen! The figure before you is yours!

Bowser: I am horrified!

SQ: Good…good…

She bends over Peach and a dark twister surrounds them. Peach screams and when the twister dissipates the Queen is gone and Peach is wearing distinctly black and gray clothes and is looking rather evil.

Bowser: ACK! I am TERRRIFIED!  
SQ: Guh huh huh! This body is good!  
Grodus: Excellent! Now DESTROY THOSE PEOPLE!

He gestures to Bowser and co.

SQ: YOU DARE TO COMMAND ME MORTAL!

Grodus: Well…yes…I was told that if I-

SQ: SILENCE! DIE!  
She blasts him with lightning destroying his body and leaving his machinelike head.

Grodus: EEP!  
He bounces away. Beldam, Marilyn and Doopliss appear out of nowhere.   
Beldam: Mistress!

SQ: Beldam! Marilyn! And…Freak-Sheet?  
Doopliss: Doopliss! It's Doopliss!  
Vivian: WHA! Sis you know this creature!  
Beldam: No. I just like calling people Mistress!  
Vivian: But how did she know you're names!  
SQ: They were wearing name tags.

They were. Beldam's and Marilyn's had their names on it and Doopliss's had his. For some reason SQ thought it said "Freak-Sheet". How strange.

SQ: And who are YOU?

Bowser: Well…I am Bowser, King of the KOOPAS, and these are my minions.

SQ: I see…well speaking of minions I think you should be MY minions!  
Bowser: Pshaw!

SQ: Pshaw?  
Bowser: Yes! It means forget it!  
SQ: THEN I SHALL KILL YOU!

Bowser: Wait.

SQ: Wait?  
Bowser: That's Peach's BODY right?  
SQ: If that's the name of the person I possessed then yes…

Bowser: So if I kidnap you…it would be like kidnapping Peach?  
SQ: What?  
Bowser: Excellent!  
He runs over and picks her up.

SQ: OW! Hey! Lightning Strike!  
She summons a burst of lightning. However since she is on top of Bowser she gets struck by it.

SQ: ACK!  
Bowser: HEY! Don't you damage the merchandise!  
SQ: I will not stop until you let me down!

Bowser: No!

SQ: Grr…I am not accustomed to this body…I shall return to my TRUE FORM!  
She surrounds herself with the dark wind causing Bowser to drop her. When it's gone the large dark purple creature with a crown, two large floating hands and a spirally hollow body, with Peach's body inside of it.

SQ: GUH HUH HUH!

Bowser: Well…shoot. I guess I have to beat you in order to get Peach?  
SQ: Yes.

Bowser: Then…ATTACK!  
Bobbery runs over and starts exploding. Goombella headbutts her while Koops Shell Shots. King and Flurrie Body Slam and Vivian uses her Shade Fist. Bowser runs over and slashes her.

SQ: FOOLS! I AM INVINCIBLE!  
She swats them all away.

Bowser: Wait…you mean we can't hurt you?  
SQ: Well…yes that is what is meant when something is invincible.

Bowser: Well that's cheating!  
SQ: What!  
Bowser: You're a big fat cheater!  
SQ: Am not!  
Bowser: Are too!  
SQ: Stop it!  
Bowser: Stop cheating!  
SQ: No!  
While Bowser and SQ are arguing the seven Crystal Stars come out of Bowser and fly into the Queen, shattering themselves.

SQ: What! NOOOOOOOO!  
Bowser: What happened?

SQ: The Crystal Stars made me UNinvincible!

Goombella: Is that even a word?  
SQ: No. But it works.  
Bowser: So…continue the fight?  
SQ: Yes.

The fight continues. They battle ferociously for several minutes exchanging blows and poorly thought up insults. Soon however the Shadow Queen falls from the sheer weight of attacks. She explodes and Peach is restored. Beldam and co. run away like cowards…but it's better that than ANOTHER long fight. Bowser shakes himself off.

Bowser: YAY! We got Peach!  
Vivian: And saved the world!  
Bowser: Yeah, yeah but who cares about that.

Koops: Uh…everyone.

Bowser: Shut up.

He picks up an unconscious Peach and takes her out of the Palace. When they get out they head for the surface. Upon reaching it Bowser takes a deep breath and puts Peach down.

Bowser: It's good to be out here!  
King: Cause its fresh air?  
Bowser: No…because it shows me all the stuff I can conquer!

Flurrie: Great…

Bowser: And you shall help me! Together my new minions and I shall conquer the world!  
Bobbery: What?  
Bowser: And you shall be forced into eternal slavery!  
Goombella: Uh…oh…

As Bowser thinks about his evil plans…a figure runs up and grabs Peach.

Mario: Woohoo!  
Bowser swings around and sees him jumping away with her.

Bowser: NO! Get him!  
There is no response. He turns around and sees his "partners" running away.

Bowser: ACK! Get back here!  
They keep running until they are out of sight.

Bowser: Crud. Well fine.

He heads to the second floor of the Rogueport Bar and sees Kammy and Toadsworth kissing.

Bowser: OH GOD! MY EYES!  
They stop and embarrassingly look at him.

Kammy: Bowser? What are you doing?  
Bowser: Come on Kammy, let's go. Mario snatched Peach again.

Toadsworth: Really? Then I must leave!  
He heads for the door.

Kammy: Wait! Won't you tell me you love me and won't ever forget me?  
Toadsworth: I would…but that would be lying!  
He dashes away.

Kammy: Jerk. Let's go.

Bowser and Kammy head back to their castle.

And so Bowser's insane, pointless adventure is done. He accomplished practically nothing (Except for saving the world…which is rather unimportant) and now dejectedly heads back home. As for Grodus and the X-nauts…well he tried to lead them…he really did. But they didn't seem to want to take orders from a talking head, so they all ditched him and ran away. Unfortunately they all accidentally ran off a cliff. As for Beldam and Marilyn well…they pretty much did what they always did, hide in shadows and pop up and scare people for money. Goombella went back to Professor Frankly who was alright in his house but she was quickly screamed out when he found out that she didn't have the Magical Map. Koops went back home to Petal Meadows to live with his dad. He continuously bugged Koopie Koo for a date and didn't' realize that not only was he a loser but no one wants to date a guy who lives with his parents. Flurrie went back to doing plays and eventually ended up working for Hayzee. They also employed Doopliss who kept causing problems due to his bodysnatching and yelling at people for calling him by his name. King went back to the Glitz Pit and fought Rawk Hawk and beat him…but was later sued for eating one of the Goomba Bros and using him as an egg weapon in one of his matches. Vivian eventually went back to her sisters but was driven insane by their incessant insults so she went to Twilight Town to try and become a crow. Bobbery and Jerry hooked up with Cortez and they sailed and pirated lots of times before crashing into a small boat and being sued. Screamy looked up Flurrie and she quit her acting job and they went on a long journey to figure out what they were. Torque and Blooey went from town to town creeping people out for money until eventually they got in another Kart race and ended up crashing and burning. And being sued. Ms. Mowz journeyed always trying to find her "honey bunny" and eventually fell in love with a large box. That she fell off of. Luigi, Mario and Peach all went back to their normal lives until that strange E. Gadd came by with a time machine…

The End!


End file.
